Thursday, May 7, 2009

Lost and Found, The Detroit Red Wings

6-3 Wings
Oh that's right, the Red Wings have finally started to find their game. And you know what the scary thing is? Shhhhhhh, between you and me, I don't even think this was their best game. I think they still have areas to improve upon and that makes me so happy I could almost pee my pants....just a little.
  • Now as you know, this game didn't necessarily start off with the happy feelings, bright rainbows, and leaping unicorns that we were all hoping for. 42 seconds into the game, the mother fucking ducks scored....and the worst part, Corey the Fairy Perry got the goal. I began to question my karma and the karma of every member of the Red Wings....whose mom did they slap to deserve this sort of start?
  • And the terror, of watching the Wings scramble and be out shot 5 to 1, continued for a good 8 minutes. I'm woman enough to admit that I was terrified, my hands shook and not even my favorite drink could calm my nerves. My fiance came home, took one look at me, the score, grabbed the dog and headed for move, smart move.
  • But after those 8 terrifying minutes the universe began to right itself. Babcock knew his team was in trouble, the line ups weren't working and since he doesn't have an ego the size of California, or Ken Hitchcock, he shook the lines up. He reunited the Eurotwins, and created the line which will for me forever be remembered as the gang bang that finally broke through Hillers virginal Anahymen. Filppula, Franzen, and Hossa. I'm sure he was intending for Datsyuk and Zetterberg to provide an offensive spark and have Franzen's line handle the cum bucket Getzlaf (and he's fast approaching rag me) But that sneaky little bastard, Johan, I shoot I score, Franzen decided tonight would be the night to repay Holland for his 11 year contract, twice in fact.
  • He had two beautiful goals, a nice wrist shot, and gorgeous tip in....which provides me with a wonderful opportunity to call myself out as dirty filp flopping biotch....oh that's right. At the beginning of the season, I insisted I wanted Franzen to get a contract over Hossa. I was vehement, and in fact a little stubborn...I proudly wore my Mule t-shirt to the Coyotes games despite the fact that it almost got me attacked by a drunk women on three separate occasions....but then, like a dumb gold digging whore, or a politician, same thing really, I began calling for a Hossa contract while Mule was in a slump and Hossa was lighting it up. I'm sorry.
  • And just as I was writing, never doubt Ken Holland again you complete dumb ass, 100 times, Hossa broke through his playoff slump. Maybe Lidstrom and Draper, they seem like the types, held him down and forced him to watch them winning the Stanley Cup over and over until he was thoroughly crying and screaming the safe word....because he was on tonight. Not only did he get two goals, but his defensive game was amazing. And now like a fat kid trying to decide between cake and ice cream, or a college student choosing between tequila or vodka, I've turned into a greedy little bastard wanting them both to have contracts with Detroit. Make it happen Ken, make it happen.
  • While I'm full of confessions, I would also like to say sorry for being a nasty bitch to Filppula. Mostly in my head, but often to anyone willing to listen, I offered him up as the sacrificial lamb to ensure the signing of both Mule and Hossa. This series he has proven me wrong and I hope he keeps doing it.
A few other thoughts:
  • Every time Lebda and Chelios were out on the ice, I felt the sudden and uncontrollable desire to shit my pants. It didn't matter if they were out together or with some one else. A terrible black cloud seemed to follow them around and I just curled up and hoped for the best.
  • Franzen's line did an amazing job on Getzlaf
  • Kopecky got in a fight...and I don't think it went well for him. Not sure I agree with it, since the Wings had the momentum, but the good thing was he fought Beauchemin, which did at least take him out of the play for awhile. Wisniewski and Beauchemin both being out for those five minutes was a great thing for the Wings.
  • Speaking of which, sounds like Wisniewski will be back for Game 5. The Wings will need to continue to improve and work on their game...enough said.
  • Shocking moment of the night: Samulesson not only had a shot ON GOAL, but he actually scored. I know, I know, I had to rewatch it on DVR to make sure I wasn't just drunk or absolutely nuts from the stress. But the video review didn't lie.
  • Samulesson was the one to finally fully devirginize Hiller....and whoever thought that would happen. But he was pulled and Giguere was brought in. Apparently he hasn't seen any action since 2008 or something. Side note, I hate his nickname jiggy, it just keeps reminding me of that horrible, Will Smith song, Gettin Jiggy with I hope it's stuck in your head too....suffer with me.
  • So the Wings came through and tied up the series. Some of the big players came to play and stepped up when they were needed. This game was an absolute must win. Their wasn't another choice.
  • But I still think they could be better. They seemed to still struggle with their outlet passes and their turnovers in the neutral zone. There are still opportunities for additional traffic in front of the net. And since they aren't the Ducks, they need to get scoring from lines other than Franzens.
  • Sunday, they're back at home. I'm sure by that point Caryle's bitching and nagging will have official caused him to grow a vagina, so the Ducks and the officials will be ready. I just hope the Wings are too.
And while I'm not a mother, I have been called a motherfucker on more than one occasion, so can I have a present on Sunday? Just a win, I'm not picky.
More tomorrow.


  1. I want more of the same domination of the Fucks in front of the Joe's mad home crowd. Now is NOT the time to let up.

    It's the time to ramp it up to the next gear for Game Five so we can shut them down for Game Six.

    Go Wings!!!

  2. OK, so this is what phuuucking pisses me off about the Wings. They play like CRAP in games 2 and 3 and then turn around and utterly DOMINATE the Skunks tonite.

    This is the playoff team that we (the fans) all know exists, not the lazy outworked one of the last 2 games.

    Flip that goddamn switch to ON and LEAVE it there.

    I was also surprised that the Skunks didn't get 2 more "even up" penalties thrown their way.

    People can say what they want about Kopecky getting his ass beat got one of their top 3 D men off the ice for 5 minutes didn't it? LOL

    Beauchemin is a fargin idiot.....I would suspect that Kopecky had orders to agitate and then fight. He's a 4th line grinder who took out (via penalty) a top 3 D man for 5 minutes and took one for the team complete with stiches.

    Whooo Hooo! I love the strategy games. Babcock's a master and Carlyle got hosed tonite.

    Outcoach this, mother-effer.


  3. You have a way with words that I like. Keep up the salty language!

    And I totally agree with you on the game. They played well, but not to the full potential they have this year. Let's hope we see it the next two games and get some payback on the Ducks!

  4. "I was also surprised that the Skunks didn't get 2 more "even up" penalties thrown their way."

    Wings Fan In KC, I completely agree. I think it just added to my stress waiting for the refs to "even it up." At that point, I may have lost it more than I already had. (and shockingly enough that is possible.)

    And Matthew, isn't that the best part....the Wings didn't even come close to playing to their potential. I just hope thy can kick the Ducks in the pussy on Sunday...

  5. LOL!

    Your blogs and comments keep me laughin'.

    I don't know what I'm going to do until SUNDAY!