Wednesday, July 22, 2009

A few odds and ends

Well I'm sure most intense fans will agree that the long hockey season has a way of catching up with both players and fans alike. You have Hossa and his recently exposed shoulder injury (*cough*karma*snicker), maybe some fans who are now being reacquainted with their children, spouses, and pets, and me, well I had about 100 things I should have been doing during the playoffs but they just didn't seem as pressing. So now the summer gives us all a chance to catch up and come back down to reality, at least a bit. Intense, sometimes crazed fans may never fully become functioning members of society....but we try. Life has caught up and demanded that I start to check off my to do list, despite my Olympic level of talent for procrastination. So posting has been sparse to say the least.

Today I leave to go back to Michigan to do the whole getting married thing, and then it's off to Europe for 2 weeks. I tried to convince my fiance to go to Sweden in October and see the Wings open their season against the Blues, but somehow I couldn't quite pull that one off. Anyway, posting will be essentially non existent for a bit unless something big happens.

So I'll leave you with just a few quick thoughts on things I was planning on posting recently.

Justin Abdelkader. Thanks to the Jiri Hudler disappearing act, we will more than likely be seeing Abdelkader up with the Wings this year. I was on the fence at first, would I rather see him in Grand Rapids or Detroit? Well after considering Helm and Ericsson, the choice was easy. I'd rather Abdelkader spend another season in Grand Rapids, take a leadership role, play big minutes, and maybe learn to play on the wing if necessary. Become over ripe as creepy as that may sound. The 5 minutes he'd gain with the Wings just isn't worth stunting his development. But the question remains who the hell is left in free agency?? Yeah I tried not to say it but fuck you Hudler for this cluster you've created....

And finally, I can't not discuss this, Puck Daddy has posted that Hossa may have a shoulder injury that could keep him out until December. Ha! Despite the fact that I still respect him choosing to go, it is some karma for the Blackhawks isn't it? And doesn't it feel good? (wait does that ruin my karma if I relish in theirs? anywho) Hossa being out until December is really not a big deal. He'll go on IR and the Hawk's will be fine. But there is some humor in the whole thing. Especially when you consider they just let Havlat go with his propensity for injuries. Oh and the fact that the hockey gods just pissed in Gary's Cheerios. His home opener for the Wings just got a lot less interesting....

Can't end a post without Suck It Gary. Yep that and FYYFF will always sound right with you couple it with Gary Bettman's name. Like peanut butter and jelly, it just makes sense.

Enjoy your summer, I'll be back early August for sure.

Friday, July 17, 2009

A kick to the balls...twice this week.

Good Morning. While enjoying your cup of coffee and planning your weekend out on the lake, check out this from the Triple Deke. Ouch. Thanks guys. Just when I thought I could avoid the Hossa/Kopecky to Chicago fiasco I was bitch slapped first thing on Friday morning....not a fun way to start the weekend. But I guess we should all get used to it....we have at least 6 encounters this year...

Here's a little blurb from Kopecky:

Kopecky, who spent the last three seasons with Detroit and had six goals and 13 assists last season, said he's equally happy to be with the Hawks and likes their chances to challenge for the Stanley Cup.
"One thing about this team is they haven't won since 1961," Kopecky said. "It's coming and we're going to do our best to do it."

Hmmm I bet those 6 goals and 13 assists are definitely worth the 1 million plus a season they are paying you. Difference maker, I swear. They should trust us Wings fans, we were fortunate enough to watch him all last season, attempt to stay up on his skates and utilize his size. Damn, he was the steal for Chicago, Detroit's secret weapon...not Hossa with his 40 plus goals. Shut the fuck up Kopecky and just be glad your Hossa's little butt buddy....I'm still glad to see him go....

Moving on.....

The Jiri Hudler to the KHL fiasco has taken an unexpected turn. Apparently the KHL will honor the arbitration decision. Hmmmmm is everyone playing nice in the sandbox now. No more wet willies and booger sandwiches. We'll see how this works out. I'm assuming arbitration rules in favor of Hudler or at least prices out the Wings and he ends up in the KHL anyway...and I'm ok with that. If you don't want to play for the Wings, than good bye.

Oh and The View From My Seats has the real reason for the Hudler explains everything....

Sigh. I'm ready for October....

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Huh, so the Coyotes will be playing....

The NHL has released next seasons schedule. And because I'm mostly concerned with myself when it comes to this sort of thing, I immediately checked when the Wings would be out to play the Coyotes. Looks like I will be able to get a game in Oct. 22 and Jan. 2. I know, I know I'm selfish, but I never wanted the Coyotes to leave for Canada because this gives me two opportunities to watch the Wings from amazing seats. And with the cluster fuck the league caused for Phoenix this year, I'm guessing prices may be even better. (But yes they do still increase the prices when the Wings are in town...)

Since I am banished to hockey hell out here in the blazing desert I'm only able to get in the two games in Phoenix and an additional one back at the Joe around Christmas....Yep I'm jealous of all the lucky bastards back in Michigan who can pick and chose their games at the Joe. Especially since the fans there know what the hell is going on and the highlight of their night is not attempting to figure out which coach is Wayne Gretzky, why there a flying Taco Bell taco in the stands, and what the fuck is an icing...oh yeah it's a hockey hot bed out here...last game I went to the girl behind me brought nail polish to paint her nails...and the only thing she cheered about was not bumping her freshly manicured hands on her cup of least she was painting them red I guess....ahhhh hockey in the desert....

Is it October????

After a self imposed break....

I have to be honest, I think after this whole Jiri Hudler/KHL/castration of Wings fans "situation" I needed to step the fuck back and calm down. If not you may have been subject to the worlds most angry hikou or the lyrics to a song full of self pity and whining. Honestly though, friends and family always have this strange assumption that the Wings obsession will end when the season ends. A summer break if you will....unfortunately that's just not the case. Especially when such a strange July takes place. I am yet to welcome a new Red Wing, but have now perfected the good bye post. It's not as though I am panicked about next season and I certainly never felt it was the down fall of the Wings dynasty as some Donkey Dicks are reporting....I was just surprised by the departure of our own Oompa Loompa.

It was like being woken up in your loft, your freshman year of college, by a mysterious pair of pants being flung across the 12x12 room by your roommates new fuck buddy and you realize the rest of your year is going to be an inappropriate, inexperienced cheesy porno you will be forced to explain to ALL visitors. But anyway, what snapped me out of this funk if you will....reading the Triple Deke's depressing recap of my own personal hell. Yes it was like reverse psychiatry. Well shit, thanks for that guys.....I guess....

So back to Hudler and the precarious situation the NHL has now put the Wings in. Everyone has essentially reported all there is about Jiri and his deflection to the KHL. But let me just say, Hudler, well this one surprised me. Hossa, yep expected it. Kopecky and Samulesson, whether it is irrational or not, I may have done my own personal happy dance at their departure. Conklin stung....and the thought of Howard (how long will he actually last?? my guess, or maybe it's the thing I know I will be praying about to the hockey gods every night come October, is the trade deadline) But Hudler, the man who screamed "Detroit rock city" in a thick accent while dancing and proclaiming his love for the Wings each step of the I didn't expect that. I feel as though I learned what a kick to the balls is like...

Now don't misunderstand, if Hudler really will be making 10 million dollars tax free, we can't blame him. (just hopefully they are able to pay the salary and he is an absolute lunatic if he doesn't ask for a large chuck of that money up front) My issue was the way it all happened. I'll admit I was a bit pissed that he filed for arbitration and then a few days later signs a contract with the Dynamo. That's some shady shit. But my sister continues to tell me to get over it and I'm just being a bit crazy and to calm the fuck down. So I've tried. I tried to move on. Tried to rationalize his departure and have now refrained from calling him a traitorous turd.

But then the league had to step in. Right on cue they saw the Wings were down and they decided to trample on all of us out a few hearts, strings of hope, and stomp on them. That's right, because any opportunity Gary and his bitches have to bend the Wings over they take it. With them appealing the Hudler contract, the Wings may have their hands tied until September when the last remaining free agent is a janitor for the Phoenix Coyotes who swears he is a right hand shot and Babcock is forced to use him on the second power play unit on the point of course, because he has some sick fucked up inability to just say no....

Just let him go. Let him play where he wants and give Holland the chance to find a worthy replacement. Perhaps another Dan Cleary he picks up hitch hiking on the side of the road and turns into the next big thing. Someone who decides they want to play in the Winged Wheel. Find a worthy player and situation to make an example out of...not one that falls into a gray area.... Gross, I just resorted to begging and groveling to the league on my blog....excuse me for a moment as I go and bathe in a tub of alcohol and peroxide to remove the stank from me...

Let me leave you with this....Gary is having one hell of an off season. No he's not rolling around in the 7 million dollars he made last year, he's gloating, he's so happy he is inadvertently pissing his pants at least once an hour. He's cackling and enjoying each and every departure from the Wings more than the last. He's dancing around in his favorite hot pants with cash money printed on the ass to Chaka Khan and Cher revealing in the fact that his evil salary cap is working. He's enjoying watching the fans sweat it out, waiting and wondering when we can expect a free agent signing. He feels as though baby Jesus gave him an early Christmas present with the Hudler cluster fuck. And just because he is a greedy self absorbed bastard (or marketing genius, I guess it depends on which side your on) he almost busted a nut over having the Wings open their season against the Blackhawks.

Fuck you Chicago......It's going to be hard to spread the hate evenly this year...

But if you want to feel better, remember Leino and Helm, yep Darren Freaking Helm, will be with the Wings next year. Most teams would be pretty damn pleased with that. I almost forgot until I stumbled across AnimalDrew's blog....I felt a little better thinking about a whole season of Darren Helm.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Good, Bad, In between?

Are you ready to say goodbye to this face, this hair?

Why he ever cut his glorious locks I will never know. Maybe Filppula paid him off with tickles and Wonka Bars because he wanted to have the best hair on the team....that has to be the only explanation for depriving the world such a special cut and style...

Anyway, as everyone has already reported, Hudler has filed for arbitration. Now not having in depth knowledge of the process, my thoughts on this have ranged from joy to concern. Head to Babcock's Death Stare for comprehensive coverage.

Basically Hudler is due for a raise. Right now the Wings are getting high class services for Hollywood Blvd or off the Vegas Strip prices. Yep he's cheap. If this thing goes to arbitration, on paper, he looks pricey and apparently could cost 3-4million.....Unfortunately they won't be taking into account the fact that he disappeared in the finals faster than a college students virginity or that he seems to be incapable of performing on the top two lines.

Yet despite all of this, the Wings need him. I just hope Holland can wrap this bitch up before the Wings lose anymore of their depth. Really it's up in the air how this can turn out. Kyle at Babcock's Death Stare goes through all the possible scenarios. Since my analytical skills are spent right now, I'll just provide you with how I would like this thing to turn out, I hope Holland can sign him for relatively cheap, Hudler can have a fantastic season, and the Wings are able to lock up another cheap forward so Gator (yep I'm keeping his MSU nickname) can have some more time to develop in Grand Rapids. Whew, hows that for a wish list?

In all honesty though, can baby Jesus really take away Hudler from Detroit? A fan favorite. An athlete who can be a great playmaker on the ice and can than moonlight as an Oompa Loompa in a community theater play? No. The worlds just not that cruel. Please keep Hudler. Pretty Please...

Oh and thanks to Hudler, I now have this fucking song stuck in my head.

Oompa Loompa doompadee doo

I've got another puzzle for you

Oompa Loompa doompadah dee

If you are wise you'll listen to me

Friday, July 3, 2009

Say Goodbye to Babcock's First True Love

Well Samulesson has left the team as well. Apparently someone left the back gate open....but in all honesty this was expected as well. And I hate to say it, but I'm kinda happy to see him go. Sure he gave the Wings 40 points at a Walmart price, but still his shot was more likely to hit our Canadian neighbors than it was the back of the net. And quite frankly Dan Cleary's jaw is probably celebrating today with a shot of tequila.

So now Sammy (whos name immediately makes me think of the Quiznos slogan mmmm toasty) will be joining another Swedish contingent up in Vancouver. Who is really upset about this you ask. Well poor Mike Babcock. Did anyone think of him as they jumped ship for millions more? Did Samuelsson think about how poor babs would feel when his first true Detroit Red Wings man crush left him? No, he probably didn't. Sammy could be clutch at times, and for some reason only known to Babcock he was constantly used during the power play on the point. So today Mike may be sitting in a corner, softly crying into an Ericsson practice jersey while looking at a Darren Helm trading card thinking about what was, and comparing his new crushes to his first true love. Sigh. He should be back to normal soon.

So long Samuelsson. I know I've been a raging bitch to you over the years. But there were moments, like the clutch over time goal against Chicago where I didn't want to beat you with a hockey stick. So I'll keep this nice and sweet, just like me. Best of luck Sammy.

For a real proper farewell head over to The Triple Deke, where their write up made my sister almost pee her pants. Yes it was awkward since she's 21, but their take on everyone's favorite Samulesson warranted it.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

So Long

Wow. What the fuckity fuck is going on? Like the new guy on his first day in prison I was surprised how fast the ass raping occurred. Marian Hossa has left for the Chicago Blackhawks. Was I surprised he parted ways with the Wings, no not at all. And you know what at least we can respect his decision to go to a contender. According to all the capologists out there, Hossa will make about 20 million more with Chicago's offer than he will Detroit's. Ummm yeah don't ask me to explain the details, my brain is not functioning this early, but I can tell you, that's a lot of fucking money. He left it on the table once, but how could he possibly do it again?

I guess the surprising part of his departure is that he went to Chicago. Perhaps the one team in the West I really would have liked him to avoid. Oh, and apparently he brought his little butt buddy Kopecky with him. Wow, Kopecky is like this little pet, just along for the ride. Now I know the Wings kept screaming about his potential. Personally I think they just kept spouting that shit in order to convince themselves it was true. I was more than happy to see Kopecky leave, and happy it was to Chicago. At least they will have one forward who is incapable of staying on his feet and hitting.....oh and the best part, they completely overpaid for him....snicker.

I'm guessing they really let Kopecky go because Holland received all of my notes (via the post office, I'm old school like that) consisting of letters cut from magazines and dipped in dog urine, don't ask it was necessary, begging him not to sign Kopecky and Samuelsson. Ahhh it's bizarre but it made me cackle like an evil bitch to see him go. So long...

Now with the addition of Hossa, Chicago is going to be one hell of a competitive the regular season. I have heard from multiple people that Hossa and Havlat are a wash. I disagree, I think they will be much more of a challenge this year than they were last year. But the good news, our Wings feed off this shit. They love the competitive aspect, they love to crush dreams....and despite the fact that I still like Hossa, I won't boo him, and I'm sure the guys in the locker room still respect him, they will probably enjoy pissing on his Stanley Cup dreams, and that's the good news for us fans. It will be fun meeting the Hawks 6 times in the regular season. Not the classic fun way where Detroit bends them over, has their way, and then makes them clean up....but it will be fun to crush their hopes.

So Dave, a Pens fan, sent me an email. It was long, nasty, and exactly the kind of thing I enjoy reading in the morning with my cup of coffee. Below is just a bit of it.

"Alright you stupid little bitch. Now that Hossa has left your pathetic team to skate with the next Central Division Champs, how do you feel now? Will you boo him and shut the fuck up about how classless the Pens and their fans are. Fuck you."

Awww thanks Dave. I appreciate that. It's like a little love note. But despite your kind words, no I will not boo Hossa. I began to expect that he would leave...and you know what I am happy Detroit didn't lose a ton of depth to keep him. No Dave, I will not be like the Penguins and take all my Barbies and make Hossa voodoo dolls. I'm not thrilled he's in Chicago, but at least this will give me something to laugh about in 2010. Watching Tallon try to figure out how to keep his three stars up for contract renewals. Ha!

Tallon's not smart enough for that shit....well, I take that back. Maybe he is. He did figure out a way to fuck himself in the that's pretty talented.

All in all, no hard feels. Best of luck to Hossa...see you next season!

Oh and I have three words to say to Chicago: Campbell, Huet, Crawford. Enjoy!