Thursday, December 9, 2010

Put Down The Urine


So this year has been a "cutefest" (I'm choosing to reinterpret the meaning of cutefest to shitfest) of work, work, more work, and work. This has left me unable to watch more Red Wings games then I can to share and the ones I have been able to enjoy, I either miss the first period, or leave during the third and have to catch up on my DVR. Which never seems to fucking work because I'm as bad as a kid who finds all of their Christmas presents early....I can't wait for the surprise and I need to find out the score.


Well anyway, the last 3 games I have been able to catch in their entirety. Yes, I admit it, the last three. Now you may be quick to point out how I'm now bad luck or a game wrecker, or blah blah blah. It's cool, others have already shared those sentiments with me rather loudly, I'm a big girl, I can take it. But I have a different, much more scientific explanation for you....


And it all stems from that handsome devil at the top of the post....yes the guru of all things good and bad, George Lopez. (golf claps)


Now on one of my recent nights propped up in front of my lap top sustaining myself on espresso and oreos (classy) I became very interested in an episode of the George Lopez show. Now hold your judgement, while not normally a fan, it was late, I was hopped up on sugar and caffeine, and as a result, my judgement became similar to that of a 12 year old. Anyway, this particular episode focused on his mother vigorously rubbing pee on his face and insulting him daily because she believed if you praised something the evil eye would take it away. No not that eye, the evil eye.


Now hold on, I know you probably want to dive into the complexities of that beyond brilliant episode, but this is a Wings blog so lets round this out and bring it back to the Wings shall we? In recent weeks every "hockey expert," every "closet" Wings hater, every blogger in his mommy's basement (why not call it a cozy private apartment?) have been bemoaning how great the Wings are. Yes every compliment may have pierced their soul while simultaneously allowing an angel to gain its Wings (Red Wings), but they had no fucking choice...the Wings were (and are) that good. And now the evil eye, no I said evil eye, came around to smite the Wings. Perhaps the ever brilliant (cough cough sarcasm) Lambert from Puck Daddy viewed the recent George Lopez episode and began a campaign to collectively fuck with the Wings? If you're a fan of another team, you had to try something.


But no matter what's happened. Whether we like it or not, the Wings are in a MINOR slump. MINOR. I don't think it's time to begin rubbing our own urine on our faces or brushing our teeth with some other sort of body excrement (never recommended) because you and I both know they'll pull through this just fine on their own.


So in the mean time, just sit back, and wait for the haters to come, enjoy it, reveal in it. Because it's good to be a Wings fan.


And since it's the season of child like wonder, if you're looking for a reason to smile and and reconfirm the world is a good place, just remember how happy Murph was because it was dollar hot dog night....it's the little things...

Friday, October 15, 2010

Fuck You October

That's right. I've officially decided to give the middle finger to October. I'm done with you. Yes Halloween is at the end of the month and it's the start of fall and the end of 100 plus temps, but fuck you October.

After a horrendous day at work, I finally am able to leave the office. Since my fridge only consisted of old sour cream and some expired/recalled eggs, I decided I should stop at the grocery store, pick up some food maybe a bottle of wine and head home to catch the last few periods of the Wings game.

So while in the grocery store, minding my own business, searching through the avocados hoping to find at least a few that don't look like a dried up donkey nuts, I receive this text message from a friend:

"Franzen, hit to the head, out."

Yep, definitely getting the bottle of wine. Fuck you October. Franzen, seems to have a knack for getting injured in "that month" (knees twice and now the head) and quite frankly his injuries and October seem to be seriously testing my sanity. No official word on his condition but the Mule says it's a concussion....so yeah no Franzen in Phoenix this Saturday. sigh.

As for the rest of the game, well let's just say the Wings looked about as good as Mike Ribeiro's mug shot.


Fuck you October.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

There Goes the Perfect Season

Today was quite a busy day. Both in the Wing's world as well as at work. Which is why I didn't have the chance to post anything about the two huge pieces of Wings news earlier.

First and foremost, Kirk Maltby has decided to retire after a long, committed, and hardworking career as a Red Wing. Growing up he was always one of my favorite Wings. Mostly because he was a huge pain in the ass, like myself, and he thoroughly enjoyed irritating his opponents. But more than being the quintessential agitator, he was a huge part of the heart and soul of the Red Wings. A grinder, who had timely goals, and played an influential role in his 4 Stanley cups. A player who instilled this same work ethic, attitude, and loyalty into the next generation of Red Wings. Thank you Kirk Maltby and best of luck in your new role.

Secondly, we found out that Rafalski had his knee scoped and will be out the next 3-4 weeks. Certainly not the news we were looking to hear. I'd lie if I didn't admit to have night sweats and horrible flash backs to last year. When the season started, it was clear the forward lines were stacked and I would gladly put any of those lines up against any other team. But the defense had question marks. The top 4 were set, but then there's Ericsson and Kindl. Throw in the Rafalski and Ericsson injuries and the Wings get the heavy weight champ that is Janik. This could make for an interesting few weeks. But more on that later.

If you couldn't tell the title of my blog was incredibly sarcastic. One loss is no reason to panic. But it does show some holes in the defense and some areas the Wings could certainly improve upon. A team of that caliber shouldn't have issues with the fucking Colorado Avalanche.

But anywho, let's jump right into the post game recap:

  • After once again rushing home to catch the game just in time, I turn on the allusive piece of crap that is Versus to catch Eddie O stating "This is a dynasty." No he wasn't talking about each and everyone of his overly coiffed hair follicles, he was in fact referring to the Wings. That smug bastard jinxed us...mother fucker.....
  • Next Versus breaks to McCarty nearly chocking on live TV while attempting to make a funny about his time playing with Maltby. I've always been a McCarty fan and I'm happy to see he's doing something he enjoys, but I will not pretend that it's not difficult to watch at times.
  • 2 1/2 minutes into the first period the Mule scores. Silly, cocky me, then settled into what I thought would be another good old fashion ass kicking.
  • Through the first part of the first period, Kronwall was joining the rush at exactly the right time and Zetterberg and Datsyuk seemed to be clicking. My cocky attitude also began to rise.
  • Cut to the Crosby commercial discussing his Penguins being a "dynasty".... what the fu....wait nevermind, that may be the most brilliant and perfect weight loss commercial ever.
  • During the various Maltby clips (sometimes Versus does get it right) I quickly realized I'll never get to hear Mickey Redmond refer to Maltby as a "50 goal score in juniors." Now that is enough to make a grown girl cry. Sad.
  • Janik gets into a "fight." It was so sad and so pathetic I actually feel bad making fun of him. Yes I feel bad....if you didn't see it that should tell you all you need to know.
  • Then Colorado scores. But with Zetterberg and Datsyuk looking strong at the end of the first my high level of cocky is maintained.
  • Filppula had a strong game. He made some nice plays, was shooting much more, and was strong on the puck. It's been a good start to the season for him. Please, please, please keep it up.
  • Detroit gets a PP despite the "well informed" announcers going on and on about how it should have also been a highsticking penalty on the Wings. Did Modano's stick hit the face of a Colorado beauty? Sure did. In fact it did so at the very moment he was being hooked to the ice. So yes, shut the fuck up.
  • Either way, Zetterberg and Datsyuk end the power play early with a beautiful Datsyuk redirect. Now that was Red Wings hockey folks.
  • Soon after the Avs almost score if not for a big Howard save.
  • The Perfect Human has a great 2 on 1 chance with Homer (who was rather invisible tonight) The play Lidstrom made is just another example of how he makes everything look so easy.
  • Supposedly Filppula takes a penalty. I merely saw it as Colorado keeping up with their storied history of diving.
  • Wings were out shot all night. However, they did make some good opportunities for themselves.
  • My notes go from "Great save by Jimmy" to "Weak goal by Jimmy" and back again. The defense needs to tighten up and eliminate some of those chances.
  • Franzen scores his second goal. What more can you possibly say about him?
  • Hudler and Cleary had a few good scoring opportunities, but other than that the 3rd line struggled. They weren't clicking and they need to find some chemistry soon. If for no other reason but to prevent the other lines from getting shuffled around.
  • It was 3-1 Wings at this point so when I hear the following "Detroit now playing THEIR possession game." I immediately feel that cocky feeling pick right back up despite less than stellar play from the Wings.

And then the third period came. Giveaways, poor defensive play, and some week goals gave Colorado an overtime victory. blah. It was uninspired and certainly not Red Wings hockey. But it was one game at the beginning of the season and I expect them to come back strong on Thursday. And especially Saturday, when they're here in Sunny Arizona and I get to watch them first hand kick some Coyote ass.

LGRW.

Monday, October 11, 2010

The Non-Recap

Unfortunately I missed the Wings beating Chicago on their banner raising night. I was at my friends, kids birthday party, eating cake, candy, and drinking beer. Yes it was strangely as delicious as it sounds. And in between avoiding death stares from Ohio State and Michigan fans (of course I was rocking the green and white) I had the "pleasure" of chatting with a Chicago Blackhawks "fan." The conversation went a little something like this: (PG for both the kids birthday and due to my lady like tendencies)

"Chi Fan:" Hello, are you from Michigan.


Me: Why yes I am, what possibly gave it away?


"Chi Fan:" Your Michigan State T-shirt


Me: Sigh


"Chi Fan:" So are you a Red Wings fan as well? Because I'm a HUGE Blackhawks fan.


Me: Yes I am, and I'm looking forward to watching the Wings kick your teams butt when I get home tonight


"Chi Fan:" Ohhhh it's starting already?! I didn't realize


Me: Seriously? You're joshing me right?(again with the PG) It's the night of their banner raising and I'm looking forward to the Wings tarnishing that with a little old fashion ass kicking.


"Chi Fan:" huh, I honestly forgot about that....for the Stanley Cup, right?




Yep. I wish I were fucking with you. I really wish I were surprised. But a self proclaimed HUGE Blackhawks fan seemed to not only forget the season starts in October, but also, somehow, failed to remember they won the Stanley Cup last year. That's not something you forget. At least not if you truly are a HUGE fan. But anyway, I watched the game Sunday afternoon and at this point, a recap seems pointless since everything has already been said.


Other than that we can now officially say goodbye to the Lilja we all knew and grew to tolerate/like. He's a Duck now so along with applying for a new work visa, he will apply for an Official Dirty Bitch card as well.


So long Lilja. It was nice while it lasted.
Oh yeah, and we have an additional 4 years of this. Awesome.


Saturday, October 9, 2010

And That's How You Start a Season

Well, well, well that was quite a way to start the season, wasn't it? A Wings beat down, a Dangle fight, a Mickey Modano goal, and a Jimmy shut out. What more could we ask for?

I've been MIA for the last two months thanks to a series of work commitments, but with the season FINALLY starting again, I'll be back to blogging. But enough of that, let's jump right into the game recap with all its usual nonsense and jumbled, yes jumbled order.

  • It's the first game of the season, I rush out of work, settle down with a beer, and prepare myself for 2 hours of uninterrupted hockey enjoyment. And then Gary bitch slaps me in the face, like the sneaky little leprechaun bastard he is. Because despite it being the WINGS home opener, I'm forced to watch the Ducks feed. Yep, that's right, no Mickey, no Ken, no drunken Larry, and sure as hell no Bernstein beauty. Let's just say it's a good thing I was full of sunshine and happiness on account of the season finally starting.
  • Anyway, aside from my disappointment of missing the Wings feed the Ducks announcers weren't as bad as usual. Aside from a few awkward comments about Franzen giving some rough rides along the boards, they spent much of the first two periods drooling over the Red Wings....and I can appreciate that.
  • I really missed watching Helm and Eaves. While they didn't necessarily do anything overtly spectacular, I missed watching a 4th line with that kind of speed and hustle.
  • Franzen had the first goal of the season, officially announcing his return. Now can we sit him during tonight's game. You know since it's in Chicago, against the Hawks and all. I'm just being cautious.....
  • 24 seconds after the Mule's goal, Mikey Modano scored his first goal as a Red Wing....quite a way to endure him self with the Wing's faithful.
  • Filppula had a great game. Enough said.
  • Just as I was commenting how great Cleary was playing now that he could comfortably walk and all, he took a high stick. Thanks to the anal probing injuries of last year I immediately and instinctively cringed. Luckily he was fine and my response was a mere overreaction.
  • On a side note, I already fucking hate the new Center Ice Commercials. While I never expected to enjoy them, this is the NHL after all, their horrible quality and Crosby panty creaming never fails to surprise or disgust me. It's like they hired the same people that came up with this idea, to produce this amateur dribble. I need to lower my expectations.
  • During the preseason I became concerned that Ericsson, so impressed with Lebda's contract, decided to fully take over all of his horrible habits and irritatingly bad decisions. But tonight, while paired with The Perfect Human he didn't bother me as much as usual. That could be because he lasted 6 whole shifts before leaving the game with back spasms....here's hoping he's ok, and here's really fucking hoping this injury is a fluke and not a sign of more to come....
  • At the start of the second period Dangle Dangle and the future captain had a few good plays before Datsyuk capitalized on an awesome tip in....I knew I missed watching those two play together, but sometimes I forgot how much.
  • Howard, while only facing 21 shots had to make a few big, key saves. While it was great to see Jimmy in form, it was concerning to see the turnovers of last year have also returned. Hopefully once the new defensive pairings play together more, the turnovers will diminish.
  • At one point in the second period, Bertuzzi had an unexpected and uncharacteristic burst of speed during a rather impressive steal.
  • And then the Duck's showed up. You know the typical and expected cheap shots to overcompensate for their lack of talent. The one time the Duck's announcers annoyed me was at this point when they bitched on and on about how the Duck's were "sending a message." What kind of fucking message would that be? That they don't belong on the same ice as the Red Wings? Because that I would agree with.
  • I thought Cleary would be awarded the first no goal of the season. And for once I honestly felt like it would have been the correct call. But for some poorly explained and ill-conceived reason, Toronto called it a good goal...WHAT? First Bertuzzi with a burst of speed, the Duck's announcers popping a boner for the Wings, and now this? I'm pretty sure this will come back to haunt us in the future....You know Gary's little pea brain has a long memory and this act of "kindness" will not be forgotten.
  • And then we get to the third period and the fight, possibly play of the season. And it happened in the season opener. Yes ladies and gentlemen, it's going to be that kind of year. Fanfuckingtastic.
  • After yet another scrum, Perry skates up to Datsyuk and gives him a cheap shot. And the Datsyuk fight begins. While I was both thrilled and not surprised to see Datsyuk stand up for himself, I was seriously ready to pee my pants every time Perry swung his dainty arms. Did I honestly think Perry could hurt anyone with those pathetic fists, no, but I kept having Lilja flashbacks with every swing. At one point my husband walks in and simply says, "oh is that Perry?" Being he's not much of a hockey fan I asked how he knew that was Perry. His awesome response, "He was pulling Datsyuk's hair at the end." That's right. Not only did Datsyuk win a fight against the 6'3'' Perry, but it has officially been confirmed that Perry fights like a middle school girl. Congratulations you piece of trash.

And at this point I had to leave. I missed the rest of the game but obviously knew the Wings would end their season opener with a win, and what a fantastic way to do so. Let's hope they can do the same tonight. Against the Hawks, during their banner raising, in front of their pathetic band wagon fans. The season's begun. Let's go Red Wings.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

And in Shocking News....

Hey did you all hear, Mike Modano decided to sign with the Wings.

I know, shocking. I nearly fell out of my chair.

But apparently after some deep concentration:


Some chin propping pensive thought:



A few late night gab sessions with his bff:



And of course after the final ok from Gordon Bombay, Modano decided that if he wanted one more run at the cup, his best shot would be with the Wings. Thanks for making us wait until August for that.

And in other breaking, unexpected new from yesterday:

Levi and Bristol broke up, again

Brett Favre retired, again

Michelle Duggar would like a 20th baby...her uterus was last seen hitch hiking on the interstate

And Brett Favre unretires...oh wait sorry, not yet

Now I should stop before I get ahead of myself, nothing is official, yet. This shocking announcement took place after a texting session between Modano and St. James. Who knew that outside of Hollywood and middle school cafeterias, important decisions and news worthy moments are initially communicated through text. Evidently I'm out of the loop and not down with the 40 year old kids. But none-the-less a press conference is scheduled for Friday where Modano will make his long, and I do mean long, awaited announcement.

Now I'm not going to get into the debate of whether he took too long (he did) to decide or not. Whether this is good for the Wings or not. And I'm certainly not touching the issue of whether or not Willa Ford will now steal Kristin Bell's spot in the hearts of male Wings fans every where. At this point, Modano is on the team, and you have to like the 3rd line.

Quite frankly you have to like all 4 lines. It's an impressive line up and a clear improvement from last season. The question now remains, who will be the allusive 6th defensemen? Lilja has reportedly turned down a 1 million dollar offer, Twitter has been alive with suggestions of Mitchell, and Holland said he's fine going to training camp with what he has. I suppose it's a wait and see situation.


All we know for certain, Brett Lebda is gone, and Marty Turco is in Chicago. I'm feeling pretty good about the prospects of number 12.....

Friday, July 16, 2010

You Must Be 3 and Up to Play With Your Poop

In my last post I mentioned both Todd Bertuzzi's salary as well as Brett Lebda's horribly inflated new pay check. Rob, in the comments section pointed out that if Lebda is making 1.45 million then you have to pay Bertuzzi 1.5. Whether this point was in jest or not, its worth looking into because let's be honest, what else can we possibly discuss. So thank you Rob.

Bertuzzi was signed to 1.5 before anyone even considered paying Lebda with anything more than a Big Mac and industrial sized toe nail clippers. In fact, prior to his signing I was absolutely convinced that anyone willing to sign him for more than 850,000 also probably thought Poopy Time Fun Shapes would be the next big thing.


But then Burke went and overpaid for what the Wings deemed an unnecessary spare part. An inconsistent, defensive liability, coming off a down year, in Toronto is apparently worth 1.45. But in this new cap world, overpaying one player can substantially increase the value of another. For better or worse it's a reasonable point.

In all honesty, 1.5 million for Bertuzzi actually isn't a horrible price. I was hoping for 1.2, but obviously Holland and the rest of the Wings brain trust know exactly what they're doing. I'm just not a fan of Bertuzzi. I'm not a fan of his often inconsistent play and inconsistent effort. And I'm sure as hell sick of him haunting my dreams at night threatening to rape my dog. So on that note, let's take a peek at all the other things we could get for 1.5 million dollars.


1,376,146 McDonald's Double Cheeseburgers (from the dollar menu accounting for the lovely new 9% tax in AZ)

88,495 Chia Pets (Not including shipping and handling)

21,739 Billy The Big Mouth Bass (It's a sad state of affairs when a talking, wall mounted Bass, still costs $69 after all these years on the market)

75,000 Clappers (Not to be confused with the clap)

78,947 Thigh Masters (Suzanne Summers not included)

21,739 Rejuvenique Masks (I honestly have no idea what the fuck that is. I can't listen to the sound at work, but something just seems so wrong)

100,000 Snuggies (Not to be confused with 100,000 Jersey Shore Snookies. We could probably get double the amount of Snookies)

Anyone willing to take one of the above options over Detroit's own unibomber? For fucks sake this off season has been long, slow, and increasingly painful. Mike Modano needs to make a fucking decision so I have something else to write about. Things are slow when Poopy Time Fun Shapes, Snookie, and Rejuvenique are mentioned in the same post.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Holy Shit It's Already July

Where the hell has the summer gone? I turn around and it's July 15th, it's 115 degrees outside, and we've been without hockey since May. I think I nearly forgot I had a blog until my slightly crazed and eccentric coworker asked our manager if she "has a bee in her bonnet." For some very odd reason, that triggered my memory. Don't ask the mind is a mysterious thing and in any event, this encouraged me to try my best to remember my blogger password and sign back on. I then realized my last post was from May 25th and was about Yzerman leaving the Wings....yeah it's been awhile.

But work has slowed down and life is beginning to return to normal, so I figured I'd give this whole blogging thing a go, once again.

During my prolong absence a lot has happened. Good, bad, strange, and in between. Below is my out of order, and as always, random recap of Red Wings news over the last month and a half. Feel free to fill in anything I've missed.

  • Lidstrom signs a one year contract with the Wings. Apparently the reverse psychology I pulled on the universe and the hockey gods by repeatedly claiming he wasn't coming back, has worked. That or the daily pleading and begging. Either way, after Yzerman leaving it was good to have Lidstrom return.
  • Jimmy of course did not win the Calder Trophy. This was either a direct result of pure ageism by the media, or their utter distance for man boobs. Either way, we did learn that Mark Wahlberg is completely devoid of humor both sober and drunk.
  • Patrick Kane looks like an undersized frat boy with or without the vanullet (mullet/vanilla ice hair do)
  • Kirk Maltby is close to a one year deal. He is not close to a one year deal. Kovalchuck is in talks with the Wings, he is not in talk with the Wings. It's like a fucking high school cafeteria on twitter right now. The rumors have been in full force this year.
  • Toronto signs Lebda to a 1.5 million dollar contract AFTER the KHL passes up on him for being too expensive. I've now decided to throw my 6 pound runt of a dog into the free agent mix. If Lebda went for 1.5, I'm sure she could pull in a cool million.
  • We also learned that Gary makes over 7 million a year. The question remains, which GM helped structure that contract? Burke or Tallon or some evil combination of both? They seem to enjoy overpaying for undersized, under performing pompous ass holes.
  • Filppula's brother signed with the Wings. Women and men everywhere are now confused on which golden Finn to root for.
  • Mike Modano may sign with the Wings. And aside from the Internet arguments taking place around this subject, we have learned he may not come to Detroit because of his wife's career. Apparently he's married to Willa Ford. If she were to come to Michigan with him, how would the world survive without more shitastic music like "I Wanna Be Bad?"
  • Bob Probert passed away. I'm still in shock.
  • Bertuzzi, Eaves, Miller and Meech are all signed. Apparently Bertuzzi is worth 1.5 million....yet another sign for those keeping count that the world may in fact be coming to an end.
  • The cap has officially dick slapped Chicago. And I'm enjoying every single minute.
  • There was a "Cooking with Kirk Maltby" extravaganza at Meijer. I miss Meijer. Not many places in Arizona where you can buy bulk gummy candy, lighter fluid, steering wheels, and boxed wine all in one place

What a strange and slightly fucked up off season it's been. But at least we're not forced to grab our ankles and bend over ala Chicago style. We can take solace in that. Hopefully I'll be back to posting semi regularly. And hopefully the Modano nonsense is resolved and Helm and Abby are signed. Not much longer and hockey will be back.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

All the Best, Captain

It feels like an end of an era. Steve Yzerman will be leaving Detroit after 27 years. 27 years. That's longer than many of us have been alive. It's a statement to the standard of class, hard work, loyalty, and commitment he placed on himself, his teammates, and the future of the Detroit Red Wings.

Yes it's heart breaking and stomach turning for us to see Stevie Y move on. Sure I have a lump in my throat larger than during the live birth video I witnessed last night with my sister in law at her birthing and breathing class. And yes we all question why the hockey gods are continuing to fuck with us. In what world do we lose Steve Yzerman to Tampa Bay and still have to endure Pierre McGuire broadcasts. Is there more mercy?

But at the same time, we all knew it was coming. Did we expect it this soon, of course not. But Yzerman has made no secret of his wish to move on and run his own team. The opportunity was not yet available in Detroit, so all we can do is wish him the best on his new adventure. But hey, what's saying that his path will never lead him back to the Red Wings?

Steve Yzerman set the standard of a what a leader ought to be. He taught Wings fans and hundreds of other kids, what an athlete should be. What sportsmanship, dedication, and self sacrifice was. Lessons and legacies no amount of writing will ever do justice.

This could be a tough off season for Wings faithful. No Conference Final. No Stanley Cup Final. Yzerman is moving on and there is still a distinct possibility that Lidstrom will choose to retire. But rest assured. The Captain has left us a future we can be proud of. I remember last season while we all watched and waited for Holland to re-sign Zetterberg. We wanted confirmation and a promise that the future captain would be locked up long term. And you may remember, Zetterberg stated that he finally made his decision after speaking with who else, but Steve Yzerman. After Yzerman reminded him what a special team Detroit was and how rare and unique it is to play for the same team your entire career. Yzerman helped ensured a future of hard work, determination, and class for the Red Wings organization.

So while Stevie Y is leaving the comfy confines of the only hockey family he has known, he has left us many gifts and promises of hope. We have his past, the present, and he's helped to ensure the Wings and their fans will be strong in the future.

What more can any of us say, but thank you Steve Yzerman. Thank you and best of luck. The Wings and their fans could not be prouder or more lucky to call you The Captain.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Please Don't Go

Yep, hockey is still over for Red Wings fans. News has been of the depressing variety over the last week. First we have Lidstrom Gate where we all watch and debate whether or not he is coming back. Every sentence is analyzed to the 10th degree. He mentions he likes Michigan Hot Dogs...so we determine he's staying. We hear some story about how he still considers Sweden home, so he's leaving. Back and forth, back and forth our emotions are toyed with. I honestly feel like a high school girl again, sitting at the lunch table debating with my friends, do you think he likes me? Enough already. I can't believe this shit is going to go on for weeks. Just please come back. Please.

And if the emotional toll from Lidstrom Gate wasn't enough, I also had the distinct pleasure of watching Chicago beat San Jose. Jesus Christ you fucking idiotic Sharks. Pull your dicks out of your mouths and beat Chicago. For fucks sake I have NEVER wanted a team that eliminated the Wings to make it to the Finals so badly. I cannot even begin to fathom the possibility of Chicago making it to the finals. Because mark my words, the team from the West is going to win this bitch. No questions asked. Done. And I cannot spend an entire season listening to how baby brother is the new King of the central division and how they "dethroned" the "Dead Things." I can't. So San Jose needs to do something right. That waste of space, piece of shit, whinny Joe Thornton needs to act like a fucking leader and crush Chicago. Because I'm not ready to see 20 cent lift Lord Stanley's Cup.

Anywho, Moving on from my rant regarding Chicago and back to Lidstrom Gate. I know most people in the organization and outside think he's coming back. And I hope they're right. My gut is telling me he's not coming back but that could just be indigestion. So instead of speculating, I'm going to once again turn to something solid and realistic, AOL Horoscopes.

Below is his horoscope for today. Let's see if it gives us any insight into his decision making process:

Pleasure calls today as your key planet Venus is over-stimulated by opulent Jupiter, luring you to accept the second helping of dessert, even if you are already full. The idea of luxuriating in delight could turn your need for satisfaction into gluttony or greed. Think about how much is actually enough, for even if you are happily enjoying yourself, overdoing it could create difficulties sooner than you realize.

My Take: Well after having read that nonsense a few times to try and put some sort of hockey spin on it, here's what I came up with. He's enjoying his off time off to a great degree (yeah not good for us) although the stars are trying to warn him that perhaps retirement and lounging around is not what he should be doing yet. He could be creating issues for himself with too much relaxation. The stars are clearly saying he should play hockey for another 2 years. At a discounted rate of course.

Yeah, that was a stretch, but it's all I got. I hate the off season.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

And the Long Summer Begins

And so it has ended. I realize I'm very delayed with this post, but work, being under the weather, and a variety of other life commitments have forced me to put this off. Not to mention I was still letting everything sink in. But here is my delayed and now irrelevant post.

I was sad when the Wings lost. Obviously disappointed. But not to the degree I have been in the past. After the free agent cluster fuck of last year (yes Jiri Hudler I'm looking at you) and the massive joke of injuries this season, I think deep down we all knew this wasn't the Wings year. Most of us didn't want to say it. There was something dirty and icky about uttering those words out loud. Like when you first start realizing the Easter Bunny and Santa Clause aren't real. You're afraid to admit it out of fear you might be wrong. Out of fear that if they are real, your presents won't be delivered. So you tease yourself and expect the most. But we had to know, it just wasn't meant to be.

This year the Wings overcame a great deal:

Folding new, young, inexperienced players into the line up
Torn ACLs
Broken Legs
Free agent deflections. How will they ever overcome the loss of Kopecky?
Fucked up MCLs
Concussions
Brett Lebda
Bad Backs
Rookie goaltending and a Chris Osgood melt down
Separated Shoulders
Sophomore slumps
Broken Wrists
The Olympics

And the list goes on and on and on. People are saying the Wings Dynasty is over. That it's come to an end. Like giddy school girls who just talked to their crush, Red Wings haters across the NHL are giggling and trying not to piss themselves with excitement. But I have this to say. If during a known transition year, the Red Wings can overcome even half of that list, and still manage a 102 point season, a fifth seed in the competitive Western Conference, and make it to the second round, well that to me is how a Dynasty would handle a transition year. How they would handle adversity. I'd like to see any other team deal with those factors and come out better and set for the next year.

What I'm trying to say in a horribly mixed up and drunken ramble is I am proud of this team. I am proud they made it into the playoffs for the 19th consecutive season. I'm proud they had another year of over 100 points. I'm proud they admitted the teams short comings and promises to improve next year. And I'm especially proud, that during game 4 at the Joe, against San Jose, they did not sit back and wait for the loss, they fought hard and demonstrated what is sure to come next year. I'm proud of this team.

And now with the season over we begin to anticipate next year. Sure it's farther away than usual, but perhaps that's a good thing.

It gives Holland a little more wiggle room before July 1st.
It gives players with two consecutive Stanley Cup Finals appearances a longer, and much deserved break
Clearly we can see in the picture below the massive amount of PKs and playoff stress have turned Miller fully gray. Well now he has time to perfect his shade of Just for Men.

The seasons over but as Red Wings fans we have so much to be proud of and so much to look forward to. As Mike Babcock said, they still did better than 22 other teams. And in a transition year, that's pretty damn good.

I'll be posting more this summer. But I just wanted to say a quick thanks to anyone who managed to stop by my blog this season. I award you an honorary gold star for your attempts to decipher my ramblings.

And I'll end with this, while my gut tells me he will retire, Nick Lidstrom, please stay at least one more year. Pretty please.

Friday, May 7, 2010

It's All About The Mule

Holy Fuck what was that? And where the hell did playoff Mule come from? You know what, I don't even care, I'm just thrilled that big son of a bitch showed up at the perfect time. 4 goals from Franzen, a natural hat trick over a span of 3:26 well that alone should have made my night. But the Wings weren't done yet as they decided to shove that broom the Sharks and their fans were waving around a little farther up their collective anal cavity with a decisive 7-1 win. Mmmmhmm that win felt good.

But as we know, it was only one win and the Wings need to keep taking it game by game. Keep the intensity level up. But before we look ahead, below are a few random thoughts about the game to relish in. (Let me apologize in advance as this recap will be a bit more shoddy than normal. I watched the game at a bar with a friend, FYI this beautiful bar has Center Ice, so my "focus" was often interrupted by both the other patrons as well as the alcohol I was consuming.)

  • I was all sorts of nervous when the game began. Despite the fact that AOL Horoscopes gave me the best collective set of predictions, I had a weird uncomfortable pit in my stomach. So when Karen Newman was singing the National Anthem, all I could think of was, damn, I hope I have more to write about tomorrow than the obscene size of her belt buckle. No really, its bothered me for awhile. I swear to baby Jesus, each game, her tacky rhinestone cowboy belt buckles get bigger. I know I am alienating any men that read this blog, but for fucks sake woman, it's not 1985, and I promise, no matter what anyone says, acid wash jeans are never coming back.
  • Alrighty, moving along. The sharks had a few good opportunities at the beginning of the first but after that it was all Red Wings. They were so on that even when Ericsson decided to pinch yet again, causing ANOTHER 2 on 1 situation, it was defended beautifully. But really, I thought he would have learned his lesson after the OT clusterfuck he caused on Tuesday. Will nothing get through this kids head?
  • And then the Mule showed up. I was looking at the live blog over at A2Y and there was mention of Uncle Mike giving Franzen more than a Babcockian stare and adding a little dash of benching to get some sort of point across. I didn't notice, but those observant bitches over there catch everything. And if Uncle Mike tore Franzen a new one, thank you. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. It clearly worked. Because soon after he assisted (was the result of) the Bertuzzi goal and since he decided that just wasn't enough, he proceeded to score 4 more goals.
  • Yeah Babcock clearly needs to screw with Franzen's head more often. I think he's already started the process. Last night the only significant comment he made regarding Mule's game was something along the lines of, "It would have been nice to have in Game 1."
  • The other goals of the game were scored by Bertuzzi, Rafalski, and Filppula. So Clearly the new line of Bert, Z, and Mule seems to be clicking, if you want to get all technical and shit.
  • Unfortunately it wasn't a shut out for James. The Sharks managed to score on a 5 on 3, but at that point, it had as much of an effect as pissing in the ocean. Clearly the Sharks seem dependent on the 5 on 3 to score goals this series. Which come on, that's like a parent standing up and cheering for kicking their 5 year olds ass in Boggle.
  • If the Wings can win Game 5 and force the Sharks to a Game 6, I am dedicated to creating an entire game recap just using Mickey and John Keating quotes. No really. While watching the game at a bar is entertaining, I missed hearing Mickey and Ken. And I hate that I missed Keating talking to Bertuzzi about his muscular thighs. Somewhere Andres Lilja wis breathing a massive sigh of relief.
  • Darren Helm is a bad ass. Normally that would be enough said, but his play last night warrants a greater mention. He just consistently works hard, no matter what. On a pp the Wings were up 6-1 and he was still diving for pucks. While killing penalties he had a few short handed chances. If the kid was able to sell his soul for goals, he would have had a few last night. A Wing for life.
  • And Justin Abdelkader. Well that kid really has a special ability to piss people off. Can't wait to see him full time with the Wings next year. He just keeps getting better and better.
  • Joe Thornton is a douche bag. I've never liked the guy and after the "leadership" he displayed last night, I wash my hands of that big moron. Seriously, I'd rather take a 3 day old half eaten tuna fish sandwich on the team then Thornton. He went after Homers head, Zetterbergs head, and even Nick Lidstrom. Who goes after Nick Lidstrom?? I'll tell you who, a gonorrhea infected vagina like Thornton does. Many of the Sharks decided to act like the Ducks or the Flames in the third and I just don't understand that. The Wings have been spanked many times, and I'm proud to say I've never seen them goon it up.
  • And this leads to my next point, Thornton calling out the Wings for diving. Wow Joe. That's quite a claim after the shit your teams been pulling. Besides, I thought it was moving your feet and not diving...hmmmm
  • While at the bar my friend decided to leave me on my own to hit on some blonde at the bar. Normally I wouldn't give a shit, but she was wearing a Thornton San Jose shirt, so yeah .... But while he was off Shark hunting I met some very cool Wings fans in Phoenix and just wanted to point out how awesome this fan base is. Great people with great hockey knowledge.
  • The only negative from last nights game was the Stuart injury. Of course Babbles said he would play, and I just hope that's the truth. The last thing this poor old heart needs is to watch Ericsson play a massive amount of minutes.

Great game over all by this team. They came out strong and put forth a solid 60 minute effort. I strongly believe that San Jose underestimated the Wings. That they forgot their first 3 victories were by small margins and assumed they'd wrap this bitch up in 4. The Wings had other ideas.

San Jose won't lie down so easily on Saturday and the Wings MUST bring this level of intensity again, if they hope to play another day.

LGRW.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

The Stars Are Back

I took yesterday off to regroup. To reflect on what just happened, hoping that today I'd have something insightful, meaningful, and thought provoking to write. But I soon realized this blog hardly ever contains those qualities so fuck it.

I don't want to talk about Tuesday and I don't care if that's wrong, lame, or lazy. I just don't want to and I can be stubborn as hell, so I won't. I'm not pissed off at the Wings, I'm a little disappointed, but I love this team too much to bitch and moan about anyone not named Ericsson and Williams. (But seriously, after Game 3, those two can go and fuck themselves with a curling iron.)

Today's game 4, and we all have to accept the possibility that tonight could be the last Wings game of the season. Yes they could come back and win it all...but a loss is a possibility and it makes me sad. Damn I hate being a realist. So all I will say, I hope to baby Jesus, Buddha, God and all the others that tonight is not Nick Lidstroms last game. That this season is not his last season. The end. I can't bring myself to say anything more about that topic, corporate America tends to look down on people crying and convulsing at work.

I'm not mentally prepared to do a pregame, so I'm going to revert back to something I promised I had stopped. Out of pure time constraints, aka laziness, I ended the horoscope feature after the Game 2 loss. But today it's back. Previously I had cherry picked the good horoscopes, the ones that made me feel warm and fuzzy about a Detroit win. Not today. Today I'm looking at just "the best players" as Babcock would say and we're taking it as is. Even if that means up the butt. So here we go.

Player: Pavel Datsyuk

Sign: Cancer

Horoscope: You may not be happy about a complex situation in your immediate environment, but there's no apparent way for you to avoid it. Still, you aren't eager to talk about your feelings because you fear that your words will be taken the wrong way. Don't say anything that could complicate things even further; your silence won't make the problem go away, but at least it won't make it any worse.

My Take: Well I think we all know what the fucking problem is. Being down 3-0 to the Sharks doesn't send rainbows out any of our asses. But talking about the situation isn't going to solve it. Obviously the AOL stars let us know we have a pissed off, unhappy Dangle Dangle on our hands. And I hope he can find a way to rectify the situation.

Player: Johan Franzen

Sign: Capricorn

Horoscope: It's natural for you to strive for excellence, even if only to avoid harsh judgments from others. But you have more than approval now riding on your success. There may be financial considerations at play, motivating you to demonstrate your considerable skills. However, you could become inhibited if you take yourself too seriously today, so aim high and trust that your best effort will be appreciated.

My Take: It's been rough for Johan Franzen throughout both series. I'm the first to admit I've bitched about him and even created a milk carton campaign to find Playoff Mule of the past. But in reality, considering the injury he's had to deal with, we can't complain. I'm sure he feels the immense pressure, but if he can mentally over come that and just play his best (probably 80% right now) we should begin to see some positive results. I like this one.

Player: Henrik Zetterberg

Sign: Libra

Horoscope: You may be proud of your social networking skills, yet you still might feel like an outsider today. You want to be accepted by others, yet you choose to do things that demonstrate your independence rather than thinking with a group mentality. Don't be afraid to dance to the beat of your own drum. However, consider the consequences of your non-conformist activities before you undermine the progress you have already made.

My Take: Alright this one is really going to have to be stretched to make it apply. First ignore the social networking section. For some reason I just don't see Zetterberg with a blog ala the Swedish Meatball. So I'm going to take it this direction; "Z" needs to break through the shackles and expectations and simply play his game. Follow his instincts, his "own drum" and lead the Wings onto a victory. Beat the Sharks with those fucking brooms they're waving around. See, we can manipulate anything.

Player: Nick Lidstrom

Sign: Taurus

Horoscope: Although you may be required to respond to a stressful situation at work, you also need to carve out some personal time for yourself. Your motivation for a bit of peace and quiet now is not for relaxation; instead, you want to think about what's coming up for you in the future. Unfortunately, with your current job-related pressures, you'll need to schedule a mini-retreat away from it all. Fortunately, even an hour or so should be enough to reconnect with your dreams.

My Take: The stars are seriously fucking with us, right? Prepare yourselves, I'm about to revert to a high school girl, but OMG this is spot on boys and girls. Spot freaking on. Holy crap does he have pressure at work. And holy crap does he have a lot to think about regarding his future.(shudder) Apparently he needs to take that hour, focus, re fall in love with the game of hockey, and most of all remember the little boy from back in Sweden playing on an outdoor ice rink. If he does that, he'll realize he doesn't want this season to end, and he sure as hell doesn't want this to be the last year he plays for the Red Wings. No really, he'll figure that out because my fragile nerves can't take any other scenario. If we've learned anything about Lidstrom over the past 19 or so years, aside from the fact that he is the perfect human, it's that he responds to pressure packed situations. This horoscope brightens my day.

Alright, after that bizarro Lidstrom horoscope, I'm spent. I've got nothing more than LGRW.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Game 3....

It's Game 3. The Wings are down 0-2 in the series. The last time this shit happened, was in 2003 when they were swept by the Ducks. That's right boys and girls, the Ducks. I know I'm sure as hell not ready for this season to be over and I don't think the Wings are either.

We haven't seen true Red Wing hockey this entire series. At times the team has seemed disjointed perhaps even a step behind the Sharks. The pathetic faceoff numbers have left Detroit chasing the puck instead of controlling the tempo with their superb puck possession game. And yes, the refs have influenced the outcome by giving the Sharks multiple, unjustified, 5 on 3 opportunities. And may I point out once again, in BOTH, yes BOTH games, the game winning goal was scored during a 5 on 3. But despite all of that. Despite outside forces and even despite being outworked by San Jose, Detroit has only lost by one goal in each game. One fucking goal.

And that's why we should feel cautiously optimistic. Why we should still hold out hope and focus some positive energy towards this team. Why this cocky and over confident San Jose team will hopefully finally meet the real Detroit Red Wings in the 2010 playoffs.

The Wings are pissed. They're mad and irritated and disappointed at the fact that they're down 0-2. They know they were ass raped for two straight games. I'm sure that's not something you generally forget. But hopefully, it's something they'll use to their advantage.

They've said the right things in the media. They know they haven't played their best, and yet you can still sense a pissed off, fired up mentality just below the surface. Which is exactly what you would hope for come this time of year.

They can let the fans worry about the refs. An awesome group of people are planning a tin foil flash mob at the Gordie Howe entrance tonight. The frustration and sentiment will be heard. And the Wings, they can focus squarely on putting the sharks back in their place.

Because this man is in playoff form. He's not ready for the season to be done. And that's a good thing for the Wings.

And because karma is a sneaky bitch with a long long memory. And I'm guessing she doesn't like diving.

And I have a feeling that Karma may use one particularly pissed off Swede to extract her revenge.

And finally, the future Captain usually plays his best when challenged. Give him Pavelski. Shut him down. It's been a slow start to the series for Zetterberg and this assignment may give him a boost. But even if Babcock keeps his previous matchups, I still expect to see a significant improvement from "Z." Because that's what real leaders do. They step up when necessary.

Game 3 boys and girls, it's do or die. A pressure packed situation. Exactly the kind of environment this group thrives on. Here we go....

Monday, May 3, 2010

Meh, Whatever

Alright I'm still grumpy today. Still pissed. Still irritated. But I was slightly less so after I read Drew's post over at NOHS. Read it. And then read it again. It's a little reassuring. Shows a little history of various teams fighting back from a 2-0 deficit. It does succeed in pushing down the vomit.

Last night I was hoping Mike Babcock would throw a chair on the ice and then smash it over Watson's head ala the WWE. In some ways, I half expected McLellan to join. (He could not have been happy about what took place for his team either, albeit to a lesser degree.) I then hoped every player would line up for their post game pressers and say, yes we still need to fix a number of things to win, but the officiating had a direct impact on the results of that game. Follow that with Mike Babcock scratching his nose with his middle finger and calling out Nabokov for being a giant infected limp dick that flops over to the side with the slightest touch or wrong look. (And as a sidenote: Jimmy, Wings fans don't want you to learn ANYTHING from this goalie. Technique, choke habits, and certainly not the tendency to dive. There's no place for that shit when you wear the Winged Wheel. Stepping off soap box...)

But of course they didn't. And in the light of the morning, after emotions have some what subsided, I am so thankful this team chose to act in a professional and classy manor. Sure they would have been justified in their complaints. And sure the unprofessional behavior would have fit in very nicely with both the Sharks lack of self respect and the refs lack of professional integrity, but it would have done more harm than good.

McCosky's article this morning points out a very valid, albeit disappointing fact. McLellan has out played/ out coached Babcock in one very important area, gamesmanship. And honestly, we should all tip our hats. When I first read Babcock's quote about Western Canada and their distaste for diving, I thought perhaps he was merely venting. But after 5 seconds, it was clear it was both a dig at the refs, the league, and a hope that it would prevent such behavior from happening in the future. Todd came back and instead praised the refs and essentially fained astonishment that anyone would question their integrity and knowledge. Golf claps and finger snaps Todd. Your manipulation and political maneuvering would be appreciated at any major corporation. Soon to be college grads with a business major, take note and buy an industrial size bottle of Listerine. This type of ass kissing is appreciated and often helpful in your success. Yes they don't teach this shit in college. But Todd understands it and it's two games to none for the Sharks.

Now the Officiating was a serious issue and so were the dives, but that doesn't remove all fault from the Wings.

1. Faceoffs. Seriously, since when did it become such a challenge to win a fucking faceoff? Clearly I have been far too spoiled in the past because it was never something I thought of. But 38%, even on the road, is an appalling number.

2. Puck possession. And this can go hand in hand with our allusive friend Faceoff Wins. The Wings need to begin playing their game, holding onto the puck, and perhaps the refs will have less opportunities to call penalties. Crazy idea.

3. Johan Franzen. I thought for sure after receiving 9 stitches he'd be fired up for this game. But the only thing fiery about Franzen was his beard.

4. Niklas Kronwall. What the fuck is going on with him. I noticed him twice. Once for an open ice hit on Babcock's Western Canadian poker partner, and again when he took a penalty leading to a five on three. Aside from that, I have chosen to block out his giveaways and defensive brain farts. Watching Kronwall play this year has made me dread Lidstrom's retirement even more. And I didn't think that was possible....

5. Patrick Eaves and special teams. If the game is going to be called the way it was, both teams sure as hell better work on their special teams. And for the Wings, I hope Eaves can get back into the line up soon. They could use him on the PK....and Williams is essentially worthless 5 on 5 for that matter.

6. Henrik Zetterberg. I understand he has been playing well defensively, but the team needs him to both contribute offensively and improve on faceoffs.

Essentially they need to find a way to compensate for both the Sharks play and for the way the game will be called. They need to be cautious about every hit, every move of their stick, but still find a way to win.

It's a quick turn around with Game 3 starting on Tuesday and I hope the Wings come prepared, refocused, and determined to turn this series around. Both Game 3 and Game 4 are must wins. Losing either is not an option at this point.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

That Was Embarrassing




And it was embarrassing on so many different levels.

1. The Sharks should be embarrassed and their fans should be appalled by the complete lack of self respect and consistent diving shown by multiple players. I completely understand how difficult it must be for them being the laughing stock and perpetual playoff disappointments year after year. But you think they would prefer to win with honor instead of concocting a game plan which would embarrass half the professional soccer teams out there.

2. The NHL should be concerned and ashamed. In the playoffs they allow a game like that to take place. Shameful. When the Versus announcers are questioning the majority of calls, someone should be held accountable. But it's the NHL, so that won't happen. And I'm not surprised. This is a league that makes the NBA look both competent and ethical.

3. Finally, I'm embarrassed and disappointment in myself for consistently being shocked by the anti Wing bias and the incompetency of this league. If I performed my job like Brad Watson, and my companies CEO demonstrated the type of leadership Gary displays we would both be fired in this right to work state. Instead, I come back for more and get worked up each time the Wings and their fans are anally raped by the refs and the league. You would think that the revenue provided by the team and the fans would be motivation enough to call an even fair game. But clearly the bias runs deep. And we don't need a tin foil hat to see that.

Now sure the Wings took some stupid penalties at the end of the game. And yes, the penalty kill and their in ability to win face offs has been an issue. But if the game was called fairly, chances are they still could have left San Jose with a 1-1 split. Not the Wings best game, but it is a challenge working against two opponents.

I'm hoping this will be motivation for them to come back in Detroit and Win both games. To find a way to dig deep and win despite a large amount of adversity.

For a better take check out what both George and Matt had to say.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Well aren't I a Positive Polly

This is probably the first loss in a long time that I feel very "eh" about. Very whatever. Very unconcerned. Everyone knew the Sharks would be a tough team and we all sure as hell knew the challenges with playing Game one mere hours after defeating a gritty Coyotes team in Game 7. So when the Wings lost 4-3 last night, for once my panties didn't get in a bunch.

First let me say this was at least a good effort. (minus the minute twenty of pure goal scoring hell) Aside from Game 7, it was probably the best game they had played all playoffs. They just let down for that time period and the Sharks capitalized. And yet the positive, the Wings clawed and scratched their way back into it. They ended with a 4-3 loss that could have been much much worse.

My other thoughts you ask? Jimmy Howard didn't really play badly. During that goal spurt and essentially every penalty kill he was pretty much left to fend for himself. I don't blame Jimmy for the loss and yet he's probably pretty pissed off with himself. Which is a great thing for Red Wings Nation because Howard seems to relish in a little adversity and bounces back well. Tell me if you could think of a better mind set for a Red Wings goalie?

Welcome to the 2010 playoffs Johan Franzen. I see someone noticed his face on the fan sponsored milk carton and sent him back to the team. Whoever returned the Mule can collect their prize any time now. It's a trip (sorry a no expense paid trip) to Brazil to see Herm...I believe he did however offer up a room at his place for free...so there you go. Thanks Herm.

Dan Cleary had a great night. Which probably explains why half the male population in Michigan now have undescended testicles as a direct result of watching him lay on the ice hurt. But as the true grinder he came back out and finished the game. I'm just crossing my fingers he'll be ok...

Alright since Franzen seems to be back with the team, can we pool the remaining money and put Kronwall's face on the next round of milk cartons? Where the hell has he been? And why does he continuously seem to be possessed by Pierre McGuire's favorite Swede, KronVall? It's time for a milk carton campaign and an exorcism. As the future of the Wings blue line, he needs to start playing to the level we've all seen in the past. And as one of my favorite players it's getting really fucking old complaining about him.

Special teams needs to be better. Period. The penalty kill and the power play have had moments of billiance. But they need to start being more consistent.

Alright, I can't have a "recap" without mentioning the Franzen penalty. How is it that two blatant high sticks have been ignored during the playoffs. My understanding was, this penalty is one call that's black and white. A high stick doesn't have to be intentional. If a player doesn't have control of his stick, he goes to the box. There's blood, he goes for 4 minutes. Pretty fucking cut and dry. Especially considering Franzen was hit before either player fell. If they were going to call Franzen for tripping, at the very LEAST, San Jose should have gotten 2 minutes for high sticking as well. Leave it as a wash. The irony, Filppula was called for a high stick or slash, during that pk and the Sharks had a 5 on 3. Inexcusable. Sure the Wings didn't capitalize on the power plays they had, but that was a huge glaring mistake. Very similar to the Lidstrom high stick in the Phoenix series. Below is what Babcock had to say:

"But on the 5-on-3 penalty, it's a slash for sure but don't dive on the ice and embellish it. You are from Western Canada, don't do that."
I'm looking forward to Sunday. I anticipate a rested and re energized Red Wings team. I still stand by my original comment, if they can split the first two games, I like their chances. However, going down 2-0 to the Sharks, very well may be too deep a hole. Sunday is in many ways a must win.
And as a side note, I feel a little off being so freaking positive after a loss. My whole world seems turned upside down. Roses smell fresher, the Phoenix smog is less intense, and the sun is shining brighter. I hope the Wings don't take this loving feeling away with another loss on Sunday. I can't be Positive Polly after two losses. No matter how hard I try.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

A Random "Recap" and a Look to the Stars...Again

Wow. For the first time in a long time, I was absolutely speechless last night. What an effort. What a game. What a fantastic demonstration of true Red Wings hockey. They came in, knew what needed to be done, and with an extreme amount of determination they executed their plan phenomenally.

I'm far too excited, yes still, and the 2nd round starts too soon for me to do a real recap, but it won't stop me from a little shameless gushing about my favorite team. But before I do that, I would like to congratulate the Phoenix Coyotes. Sure I bitched about their cheap shots and the fact that they whine worse than my 3 year old niece when you tell her she's too young to say fuck off, but what a season. Once you remove the Great One from behind the bench, the team pulls together and executes Tippets plan. A great season.

Now moving onto the team we all love, the Red Wings. That was a complete 60 minute effort my friends. From drilling Bryzgalov with 16 shots in the first to scoring 4 goals in the second, and 2 more in the 3rd, yes that was a Red Wings win.

The power play, the penalty kill, they were text book. A free clinic for the masses without the penicillin.

The top players lead the way and set the tone and the 3rd and 4th lines came through in the third.

After the first Datsyuk goal there was a bit of a sigh across Red Wings nation. And then the second a little more relief. But it was after they killed the 5 on 3 penalty and after the Stuart breakaway goal, you knew the Wings were in the zone.

Really, this video says so much about last nights game and the opportunities throughout the rest of the playoffs.



Now onto round 2. Apparently Washington dethroned San Jose as the perennial choke artists and the Sharks look to be quite a challenge this off season. Yes the Wings were 3-1 this season against the top seed, but this team is not to be taken lightly. The defensive cracks which came out to butt fuck the Wings during the first round, cannot happen against San Jose. The teams too deep.

And since the Eagles are in town and the Wings play their first game tomorrow, below are the player horoscopes for 4/29....let's hope the stars are kind to us.

Player: Niklas Kronwall

Sign: Capricorn

4/29 Horoscope: Although you are often drawn toward a conservative approach, holding back now doesn't lead to increased stability. Paradoxically, exercising your freedom may be the most important tool you have in your ongoing search for creativity and fun.

My Take: Alright, this will be Kronwalls series and this game his opening act. He's been playing conservative, attempting to minimize risks. At times this has caused KronVall to make an apperance. But if he lets go and plays with the creativity and freedom he usually does, that bodes well for the Wings defense which will face a strong onslot from a talented San Jose team. Perhaps there will be a few Kronwalled moments...dare we dream.

Player: Justin Abdelkader AND Filppula

Sign: Pisces

4/29 Horoscope: You have a magical aura that wraps around you today, wherever you go. This energetic layer is powered by your imagination and it is only as strong as your current belief in yourself. Don't let logic or reality spoil your dreams. If you believe that anything is possible, then you won't be limited by restrictive rules or your own self-doubt.

My Take: Wow. What more could we ask for as Wings fans. Two players who consistently had a strong series seem set to continue that tomorrow. Filppula in particular has shown his imagination and creativity this season and apparently he's ready to fully display that tomorrow. And Abdelkader, he has to have some self confidence after the last few games against Phoenix. I like it.

Player: Darren Helm

Sign: Aquarius

4/29 Horoscope: It's apparently your turn to show off your brilliance today and you have no intention of being a shrinking violet. But your creative genius isn't reliable and you might find the spotlight shining on you while you have nothing to say. Don't try to fake it by pretending to share what's on your mind while actually hiding your true thoughts. Once you become comfortable with the idea of opening up, then the resistance to being seen begins to fade.

My Take: Yeah. That's a great horoscope.

Alright yes that was quick and dirty, but it still seems promising. I like it. And sure round 2 came quick but I kind of like that too. I'm hoping that the intensity will still be there and the Wings can at the very least split these first two games.

Round 2 starts tomorrow, are you fucking ready?

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Oh For Fucks Sake, Are You Ready?

Yep so I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. Game 7 is here and this could possibly be my last pregame post of the season. And I'm not ready for that. I'm not ready for Red Wings hockey to be over. So today I'll be pacing, I'll be grumpy, and I'll be waiting for this fucker to start. It's gotten to the point where my manager now jokes that on game days she's going to schedule all my meetings where I either need to negotiate or be "assertive." Yes I'm that cranky with anticipation.

Last game the Wings were bent over worse than Crosby during an afternoon love making session with Bettman. Not only did the Coyotes out work them, but they threw in a number of cheap shots for good measure. And now it's up to the Wings. Now they need to remember both the humiliation as well as the anger from Sunday's abortion.

But rest assured. Because as you can see in the picture below, the future captain has some determination. He's willing to drive hard to the net and put in the dirty work other skill players shy away from. Anyone willing to take this sort of punishment isn't ready for the season to be over.

And there's always Todd Bertuzzi. He doesn't even need to get involved in scrums. His mere stare will eat a soul in 33 seconds flat. That's a secret weapon right there.
Sunday Brad Stuart looked like a ghost from Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals past. It was an awful afternoon for him. And yet, I don't think he's ready for the season to end. And this first period shortie from Game 6. Sure Jimmy may forget the disappointment, but he will remember enough not to let that happen again.

Remember, there's always Filppula. If he could have won the game by himself on Sunday he would have. Consistent winning hasn't left him jaded. He's ready to add another Stanley cup to his list of accomplishments.

And in addition to Filppula there's always Justin Abdelkader. Ahhhh yes, a Spartan. A Michigan State boy who willing went back down to the minors to put his time in waiting for this opportunity with the big club. You think this guy wants to go home early? Do you think he's going to forget about Derek Morris' balless cheap shot from Sunday. Probably not.
Datsyuk. What more do you need to say other than his name. There's no one in the league like him. And just look at the fear on the Coyote's face.

With this group of Red Wings, I hope to see this all over the ice tonight. Coyotes crying in the fetal position because their season just came to an end.
You have to like the Wings chances. Especially with a psychotic face like this in net.
I hope to be back later with some pregame updates if the stress doesn't kill me first.
It's game 7 boys and girls. Are you fucking ready to do this?

Monday, April 26, 2010

Let's Look to the Stars....Again....and Again

Since this has worked the last 2 games, I'm hoping the stars and AOL Horoscopes will help us out again. I didn't post them on Saturday before game 6 and we all know how Sunday went. Sigh. I hated Sunday.

Anywho, here's a look at tomorrow's horoscopes for some of our favorite players. Cross your fingers and toes.

Player: Patrick Eaves


Sign: Taurus


4/27 Horoscope: There could be a return to normalcy, with the Moon's visit to your 6th House of Daily Routine. Although you know that there are big changes unfolding at work, your smartest strategy is to simply do your job today without getting caught up in the big picture. It's impossible for you to know how everything will play out in the long run, so concentrate on keeping things as stable as you can for now.

My Take: Ok this one makes me happy. I'm still not riding a unicorn picking daisys in a valley happy (thanks to Sunday) but I like this horoscope for Patrick Eaves. Especially considering he is one of the key penalty killers. First, it tells us things will return to normal. Which can only mean one thing, the Wings will start to play like the motherfucking Red Wings and not that freaky pod team we've seen so much this season. Second, Eaves is a free agent after this season. Big changes could be coming to the Wings roster whether we feel confident about it or not. Eaves just needs to play hard and have a great game and use those thoughts of uncertainty as motivation. I like it.


Player: Niklas Kronwall

Sign: Capricorn

4/27 Horoscope: You can be quite strategic in your planning today, for your professional objectives are clear and you'll do whatever it takes to reach your destination. But nothing is as straightforward as it initially seems and as the day progresses you are required to balance your own needs with the needs of your friends and associates. Don't assume that your dreams are in line with everyone's. Nevertheless, continue to clarify your ambitions and work steadily to attain your goals.

My Take: Ah Kronwall. Between him and the Mule I've screamed at the TV more this series than I did all season. He certainly hasn't been up to par. And I hate saying that since he's always been one of my favorite players. The one thing about Kronwall, he always seems genuinely pissed when the Wings lose. He wants to win. His objective is clear. Perhaps how he helps the team achieve their goal is the only portion up in the air. Will he be the feared Kronwall with open ice hits, or will he be the offensive minded clutch goal scorer? There's no way to fucking tell, but if one of those Kronwall personalities makes an appearance, I feel pretty damn good about the Wings chances.

Player: Brad Stuart

Sign: Scorpio

4/27 Horoscope: You have more going on in your imagination today than anyone could possibly guess. Fortunately, you are able to hide your fantasies from everyone else without too much effort, but keeping your secrets will become more difficult as the day unfolds. Ultimately, your actions could give away your real feelings, especially if you've grown tired of pretending everything is okay when it's not. Letting the truth out little by little is wiser now than doing it all at once.

My Take: Yes I know this doesn't say much about the game tomorrow. But it may further prove the distraction that Karen Newman has become. I think it explains game 3 and 6.

Player: Jimmy Howard

Sign: Aries

4/27 Horoscope: Although you try to remain unbiased, you do know what you want and your feelings continue to intensify throughout the day. At first, the graceful Libra Moon assists in your process of finding equilibrium but you are unable to hold on to a detached point of view once it enters Scorpio. Be willing to let go of your previous expectations in order to make room for something new to enter your life.

My Take: It's time for Jimmy to let go of Game 6 and the desire he had to bring Hockeytown to the second round. If he refocuses and moves on, he can still accomplish his goal in Game 7. One thing to say about Jimmy, the kid seems to thrive on adversity. He bounces back and dare I say rebounds quite well. The Wings will need him focused and able to do so again on Tuesday.

Player: Justin Abdelkader AND Filppula

Sign: Pisces

4/27 Horoscope: Your performance at work today makes your friends see how determined you are, but you have more going on than meets the eye. Although they might think you are trying to impress them, you are actually pushing yourself to accomplish as much as you can while you still feel in control. Keep in mind that although everything seems to be very intense, you have a couple of weeks to organize yourself before the window of opportunity begins to close.

My Take: Both Adelkader and Filppula have had fantastic series. Abby has brought a physical presence and as witnessed by Morris' cheap shot and unprovoked attack on our favorite MSU alum, he has started to piss off some Coyotes. Top that with the goal he scored and the kid has made his presence known. If everyone plays on Tuesday with even half of his determination, I like the Wings chances.

And Filppula, wow. It has certainly been a turning point season for him. I'm pretty sure he's attempting to compete for a spot on Babcock's man crush list. Keep it up.

Player: Darren Helm

Sign: Aquarius

4/27 Horoscope: You are able to see the benefits along with the potential pitfalls of your current plan, but negative thoughts won't deter you from trying to get ahead now. At first, your friends might wonder if you're playing a game, but as the plot thickens they realize how important your success is to you at this time. Don't back down just because you're worried about what everyone else thinks. For now, persistence is your best guarantee of success.

My Take: First of all. Please be ok Darren Helm. Pretty please. I'm not sure I'm ready for a game where Detroit's faster player, possibly the only person who will consistently out skate the puck, is not available to play. I'm hoping those piece of shit pussy Coyotes haven't taken him out of the game. Because if they haven't, I like this horoscope. Just like Abdelkader, he's determine and he I hope the rest of the team will feed off of this.

And there it is. The short, quick, and dirty player horoscopes for 4/27. As long as the Red Wings decide it is important enough to TRY, we should feel pretty confident. Well, at least thats what I tell myself.

It has to be a Nightmare

Sigh. What the hell kind of god damn bipolar week was that? Seriously. Ups and downs. Moments of brilliance and then a game of utter lackluster play. I'm irritated. And yes, even a little grumpy.

I haven't posted in a few days and I was all set to recap and recount my last Thursday night where I was able to meet Nick Lidstrom, Darren Helm, Tomas Holmstrom, Jimmy Howard oh yes, and more. I even have pictures. And then I was all set to jump into my recap of Game 5 and the awesome time I had with thousands of other Wings fans at Jobing.com watching the Wings beat the Coyotes at home.

But then yesterday happened. Yesterday was a kick to the stomach. That "game" really took the wind out of my sails and well, just throw in any other cliche metaphor you can think of at this point. Where was the effort? The drive, the determination in an elimination game no less. As soon as the power play failed to capitalize on a 5 on 3, the Coyotes scored a shortie, and the pk decided to revert back to habits from November, you knew the game was done.

I can't imagine this team thought it would be a great idea to go to a game 7. I can't imagine they love Phoenix (because who really does?) to such a degree that they felt the need to come back. And I sure as hell can't believe they thought the Coyotes would lie down and take it up the ass in an elimination game.

I've already had to post an open letter begging for a little effort. Begging that if the Wings lose, at least go down while trying. At least show up. I feel a bit dirty having to do so again. So I won't.

They have one last shot on Tuesday. All the other wins, all the other loses, meaningless. It comes down to a single game elimination in fucking Glendale Arizona.

I hope they will remember the cheap shots, dirty plays, and chicken shit behavior displayed by the Phoenix Coyotes. The behavior that made it perfectly clear that even though Doan may not be playing, his influence, encouragement, and legacy of heartless cheap shots lives on.

Filppula

Abdelkader

Helm (please, please be ok)

Yes, use the anger and embarrassment to crush these cheap shot fuckers at home, in front of their bandwagon fans. Help send the fans back to the other sports they usually "follow." And put hockey in the desert back to it's rightful place.

I'll be back later with my look to the stars because I didn't do so before yesterday's game and maybe, just maybe AOL Horoscopes would have been able to give me a heads up for the national abortion I witnessed.