Friday, December 25, 2009

A Very Merry Christmas Present

Merry belated Christmas. I Hope that everyone had a wonderful holiday with their family and friends. And a special thank you for stumbling upon this random and often ridiculous blog. Posting has been light as I've been back in Michigan spending the holiday with my family. Ahhh yes I'm back in the motherland. And it was certainly an interesting flight with the usual delays and some creepy old man asking me if I wanted to sit on his lap and tell Santa what I wanted for Christmas....Oh Christmas at the airport....but aside from that a great time with family and friends.

And apparently the Wings have a little belated Christmas present for us as well. Oh yes. Filppula is scheduled to come back tomorrow. Fantastic. Detroit's own N'Sync looking, Sun-in worshiping, center will be back. Tomorrow you can see his golden locks flowing in the pregame warm-up. Finally, they get someone back. It feels weird just typing that.

I'll be at the game tomorrow hoping for a win against the BJs.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

The Obstructed View, Episode 2

Episode two of the Obstructed View is now up. This week it's the Chief from Able to Yzerman, George from Snapshots, and myself. Yes I'm well aware that luck of the draw put me with two of the best. I certainly tried my hardest not to sound like a complete idiot.....hopefully my mission was accomplished.

The NSFW podcast covered a wide range of topics including the Chicago game and 'creatively' finding any and every opportunity to use the word dick. Which was uncomfortable for me since I really hate swearing. If you have virgin ears as well you may have to ear muff it at times.

Definitely a fun experience and the first time that I realized my voice sounds like a prepubescent boy. Really hate to fucking listen to myself ramble on, but anyway check it out.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Hawks 3, Griffins 0

Yeah, yeah, the Hawks beat a terribly depleted Red Wings team. Congratulations. Enjoy it. Celebrate it, when in reality they should be pissed the fuck off. Instead every Hawks fan should be wondering why they didn't beat the Griffins by 10 goals. Because all we keep hearing is what a powerhouse they are. How much better they are.

And yet with the Wings down 8 starters including their future captain, the only reason the Hawks even won by 3 is because regular season Ozzie was in net. Oh that's right. After last playoffs I promised I wouldn't doubt Osgood, but then he plays like that.

Check out D4L for my full game recap. I wrote it immediately following the game so it may have been a bit harsher than I had intended. In reality I'm mostly just angry with Ozzie and Leino.

Sigh. I'm counting down the days for the Wings to heal. Because when they do, after what they have been through, the fuckers in Chicago and everywhere else will have a pissed off, feisty, hard working Red Wing team to contend with. And I'm not sure anyone will be able to contain them.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Happy Friday Fuckers

Apparently Zetterberg will be out a minimum of 2 weeks with a "slightly" separated shoulder.

Ohlund has now become the second most hated person in Sweden after the whore fucker Tiger Woods.

The hits keep coming. As I said last night, we are on 3 sets of 3, so it has to be coming to a close. And shut up, I didn't jinx anything because at this point it's just not possible.

On a side note, anyone who thinks Babcock is a sub par coach can suck a dick. The fact that they are even holding on to a playoff position speaks volumes of the players dedication and heart, Babcocks talent, and the fact that Holland is a fucking genius for holding strong on Jimmy, and picking up Miller and Eaves. I tip my hat (not a fedora) to you sir.

Hopefully someone in the media covering the Wings will pull their head out of their ass long enough to give us additional updates on Zetterbergate. You know like will the janitor or the concession stands employee be called up to center the 4th line.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

No, No, That Did Not Just Happen

I feel like screaming to the hockey gods, alright we get it. Alright the Wings and their fans have been tested, can you lay the fuck off. Enough. But I know it would be fruitless. Perhaps they drank the Koolaid that Gary's been passing out. Who knows.

All we know for sure is Zetterberg is injured and Ohlund is persona non grata in Sweden.

The hits just keep coming. They used to say in threes, but for the Wings, their at 9. So that's 3 sets of 3. Can we be done now?

Head over to D4L to see my full game recap.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Well that was entertaining

I know that everyone and there mother (mine included) has already seen this, but I still feel it warrants posting.

Some man with a Kevin Federline rejected fedora and a sad excuse for a pinky ring decided to attack the Chief completely unprovoked. Not liking the response he received, he then decided to attack the city of Detroit, and the state of Michigan and all those affected by both the auto industry and the down turn of the economy. He seems to feel those working in a factory are simply beneath him and his high level of "intelligence." Perhaps it would be pertinent if he also realized that when the main industry upholding a state begins to collapse, others outside of those plants and that industry may also be affected. So in my opinion he can suck a Richard.

Anyway, the little man with the little pinky ring decided to throw his fedora in with the big boys and he didn't like the response. I equate the situation to the following. Witnessing the ugly girl with a slight mustache and breast envy making fun of the popular girl in school because, well, she's popular. The popular girl didn't do anything to her, never spoke to her, she simply has more friends and greater notoriety, and it chaps the little girls ass. So when the popular girl walks into the locker room, over hears the bitchiness and mindless rants of the mustached one, a battle ensues. And as always, the shit talker decides they don't like the heat and will pretend to be suddenly above it all.

Apparently this all started with Kevin Federline's desire to get credentials for all his fellow bloggers and in the process decided the Chief is the sole reason for this failure. While my opinion doesn't matter I'll share it anyway. There are a number of reasons that the NHL won't give many bloggers credentials, and it's certainly not because some people are biased fans who favor the word bitches. Myself personally, I would have no business walking into the locker room and attempting to whip up a story. None. My lack of training and lack of creativity would essentially turn out the same recap as if I just watched the game at home. Would most bloggers be able to dig deep and find the "real" story, I don't know. I imagine my conversation would go something like this:

Me: So (insert any Red Wing/Griffin player) what do you think of the whole Tiger Woods debacle? (Yes that is how deep I would probably go)

Red Wing/Griffin player: Well I think we played a tough game. We worked on making the simple plays and grinding hard in the corners, it just wasn't going in for us.

Me: No, No, that's not what I asked. We just found out that Tiger Woods is a dirty whore fucker despite the fact that he has a hot Swedish model wife, you're thoughts on what his next move should be?

Red Wing/Griffin player: We just need to keep playing our game. This is both an experienced team with strong veteran's and good energetic kids. Keep grinding hard and the wins will come

Me: Oh fuck it. I'm going to the bar.

Now I'm not saying that all bloggers would be as shallow or unqualified as myself. In the Wings blogosphere there are many who would probably get a fantastic story. The Chief for one, Tyler at the Triple Deke would probably discover something that would leave me embarrassed after wetting my pants, Matt at On the Wings, Animal Drew, and the list of Wings bloggers goes on. I'm sure they would do a fantastic job. But not bloggers across the league. The NHL is at fault for making a blanket policy but don't blame a different writing style or a different opinion on why Jim Bob can't get his credentials. If someone wants press credentials, put in the time and work and show you deserve them.

Stepping off soap box. At the very least, Kevin gave us an interesting day on the internet.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Karma can be a nasty bitch with a long memory

Or in Shane Doan's case, a short memory.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, I can't decide at this point, I missed most of the first period. I walked in with about 4 minutes left and was shocked to see the score at 2-1, Wings. I rejoiced. I laughed, I smiled, and I frantically tried to get my laptop to cooperate in order to see just who scored, Bertuzzi? Zetterberg? Datsyuk? Draper?

Oh no my friends, imagine my shock when I looked at the box score and saw that Newbury scored the Wings first goal. That tattooed fucker was making a splash just when the Wings needed it most. And the second goal was less surprising, but still another role player, Patrick Eaves. Normally I wouldn't mention this out of fear or a gypsy jinx, but at this point perhaps jinxing the Wings will actually counteract the black magic that is currently taking place. You know a double negative. So here we go, Patrick Eaves seems to be another cast aside reclamation project for the Wings. The guy wasn't even supposed to be playing and look at the impact his energy alone brings, fantastic.

So while basking in the 2-1 lead with the first period coming to an end, I go to the A2Y live blog and see the news that makes me feel as though someone smacked me in the face with a giant dildo. Ericsson is out with a knee injury. Mother fucker. Are you fucking kidding me? Past injuries caused me to experience the typical stages of grief. Oh believe me I begged and bartered with baby Jesus. But this time. Numbness. Nothing. I expected it, just as I expect to see Leino and Lebda play like two eunuchs. Apparently I'm hearing its a sprain and he'll be out a couple of weeks. I'm reserved. Kindle will perhaps be brought up.

The injury was a result of a knee to knee collision with Shane Doan. Not a dirty play, but what was whorish was the laughter apparently Shane had immediately following Ericsson's injury. I always Knew he was a bitch. Living in Phoenix I have seen my fair share of Coyotes games (yes you can pity me later) and I have never understood why people think Doan is such a fantastic player. The term Overrated was created for players just like him. And for fucks sake, he has the most obnoxious fan cheer ever. Say it with me in a deep creepy voice saved for serial killers and Todd Bertuzzi, DOOOOOOOOOAN. Yep. Constantly. At every game. Probably even if he weren't playing. Coyote fans are smart like that. So when he took a random puck to the face soon after his ass whole behavior. I smiled. I giggled. I relished in his pain. Baby Jesus, Santa, and the Easter Bunny all got together to give us a small gift. To let us know they understand that the hockey gods and the Tooth Fairy (I'm convinced that bitch is against us too) are being unjust.

Anyway, below are the defensemen left:


In some ways it's easier to list the players still here than it is to remember all of the injuries.

Because look at the fucked up injury list below:



Holy shit is right. My attention span isn't even long enough to type all of those names.

Sigh. Below are some short random thoughts about the game:

  • The Wings three goal scorers were Newbury, Eaves, and Meech. And the fact that I was not surprised at all that our top players didn't score, made me a little sad, and yet proud that the Wings can still get it done.
  • Apparently Matt Stafford likes hockey and showed up to the game. I'm pretty sure no one in attendance knew who the hell he was
  • Did Leino play in the first two periods? Honestly? The only reason I know he was present in the third was because Babcock had him out in the last minute which I can only assume was to build his confidence. Too bad Leino failed to control the puck multiple times giving the Coyotes even more opportunities
  • At some point late in the second, a Wing (or a Griffin) went down kinda sorta hard at center ice. Normally, I would not have given it a second thought. This season, I cringed.
  • Maltby had some good opportunities. Played a solid energy game.
  • The beginning of the first (so I hear) the second, and the third, the Wings controlled the tempo, had good energy and fought hard against the boards. At the end of each period they seemed to sit back hoping to hold onto the lead. Painful to watch yet still a good effort overall.
  • The Bertuzzi, Datsyuk, and Homer line looked very good
  • Where the hell did this Red Wings PK came from? Is it the same place the PP is hiding?
  • Howard had another great game which earned him the start on Thursday

Overall a solid game by a depleted Wings team. They fought hard, had good energy, and were able to grind out a win. 3 in a row now, and the first in three games without a Bertuzzi goal.

Just a weird, weird season. But you have to admire their drive and effort. What other team could do this?

Monday, December 14, 2009

Oh for Fucks Sake

Let's see if I can remember all the names. I'm asking someone out there with a little creativity if they can come up with a song or a riddle so we can keep track of everyone. We certainly don't want to leave anyone out. Because in all honesty, there have been a large number of injuries across the league this year, but has any other team sustained the long term injuries to top players like the Wings have?


That's right, apparently HELM of all fucking people is out with a wrist injury. And while injury is now my least favorite word, the Helm debacle is accompanied with my second least favorite word, indefinitely.

Wonderful. As if Monday morning isn't reason enough to snap and bitch at people. I can assure you this bit of news will only make my sun shinny personality that much brighter.

Apparently Newbury is being called up. I'll be honest, since most of the Grand Rapids roster is with the Wings this year, I haven't followed the Griffins much. According to Matt at OTW he has tattoos and 19 points. All I know, there is no way in Hell he's faster than Helm, and that makes me feel deflated. When does this shit end? Oh and in case you were concerned, Lebda, still 100%. Yes it works like that. Fuck.

Well of course

Of course freakin Todd Bertuzzi decides he does in fact remember how to play hockey and has two clutch games on the one weekend where I am unable to watch either. I feel like I missed out and was left out of so much. Similar to missing the first time your grandma called someone a fucking cunt while participating in some serious road rage. You heard it happened, people you trust said it's true, but something just feels weird and dirty about it.

Todd Bertuzzi, 4 goals, in two games, including his two OT game winners?? With the way this weekend turned out, next I'll hear that Brett Lebda isn't a total waste of roster space and Meech scores 3 unassisted goals in one game...curly fries for everyone.

Anyway, it seems as though (knock on wood, rub a lucky rabbits foot) the Wings made it through the weekend with 4 points and no serious injuries. Sure there was a puck to the face, some stitches, but aside from them, it was a Gary nightmare.

Congrats to the Wings on what sounded like a fantastic effort. Tonight they play the Coyotes. A Team that used to make me giggle and the only entertaining factor was trying to guess how many times The Great Ones head would explode like a teenagers raging backne. However, apparently now they're all competitive and shit at the top of the Western Conference. And despite the fact that this next sentence is as weird to write as two Todd Bertuzzi game winners, this will be a good challenge for the Wings. If work permits, hoping to have a pregame some time this afternoon.

Until then, enjoy The Obstructed View. Ahhh yes that's right, Chris Hollis from Motown Wings and Brian Kiernicki are the talented masterminds behind this new weekly Red Wings podcast. Thank them. Repeatedly. As someone who struggles with the 'intricacy's' of the blogger website I can't imagine the time and effort that went into this. Thanks guys.

Each week will be a different set of Wings bloggers. First up is Michael Patrella from The Production Line, Kris from Snipe Snipe Dangle Dangle, and Casey from Winging it in Motown.

Next week is myself, The Chief, and George. Yes it's true, I was scheduled to go next week in order to bring the intelligence and analytical level down by at least 30 percent. I'll try my best not to come off as even more of a jackass.

Anyway, enjoy the podcast and I hope to be back with more this afternoon.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

What The Fuck

Dan Cleary out 4 weeks with a separated shoulder.

Feel like crawling in a whole and telling the world to just fuck off??

Well Leino is back in the lineup despite still deserving to sit on the bench. I'm sure he's all fired up and ready to bring his own special brand of suck back for at least 4 weeks....

I'm too bitchy and shouldn't even be posting at this point.

Hey Tatar is doing well with the Griffins....bring him up. My sister who watches a large number of Griffins games, claims he's been consistent all season. There is no way he could be worse....right?

I'm sure it's a joke

Alright haha....last night, this season, the injuries, one big fucking joke right? At any moment the essence of douchness, Ashton Kutcher will jump out from behind a snow mound, and let all of us know we've been punked. Sure it will probably be a big joke and a stubby middle finger to the Wings and their fans from Gary, but I'd gladly take that, because if that's not the case, I've run out of things to say.

Posting has been non existent lately thanks to both work and life deciding to simultaneously kick my ass...yes it's delightful. But hopefully things will begin settling down now, and I will be back to regular posting.

In my opinion, last night can be summed up with one thought, Howard played well, fucking Conk block played better, and the rest of the Wings were about as motivated as a jilted housewife. Wonderful. Not a horrible effort but certainly an uninspired one. And to think, I had hopes of them fully clinching the 8th seed of the Western Conference. Damn you cruel cruel world, have you no mercy?

Oh I had thoughts about the game. Quite a few. But their lackluster performance and the Dan Clearly clusterfuck only inspired me enough to note the following:

  • The Blues are in fact as intelligent as they look. They may even be giving Colin Campbell as serious run for a Mensa spot. Somehow last night they forgot they were supposed to wear white on the rode. (and on a side note I still don't fucking understand why they took white away from the home team. I think Gary just likes to poke and fuck something because he know like the crazy little kid down the road that burns ants with the sun and a magnifying glass) So after the pregame skate the Wings had 10 minutes to fully dress in the white uniforms. Seems kinda shitty. Mick was particularly disappointed as he personally felt blue and red looked pretty together....very sweet
  • Who the fuck is in charge of the it the same person who was previously running the the PK. We need names to send the angry mob after.
  • Mick was in fine form tonight. I'm pretty sure between the officiating, the injuries, and the overall potential for a clusterfucky (yes thats a word) season he is going to shit his pants at some point. Part of Daniels job description should be strapping a diaper on Mick and having some sort of sedative immediately handy...In all honesty that should be a requirement for all Wings fans.
  • I like Eaves on the PK
  • With Kronwall out (tears of sadness still falling) Stuart has stepped up his fantastic play even more this season. He seems to work really well with Howard and anticipate exactly where Jimmy is going to aim his rebounds. So when he took a shot off his foot, I cringed and vomited.
  • It's no secret I was a huge Conklin fan last year. Talented, yet cheap. But all season he seemed reserved and quite. Last night not so much. He was certainly giving it to Bertuzzi all night...and how did Bert answer, he continuously missed the net. He really is a bitch and I hate him.
  • Speaking of Conklin, while shooting the puck around the net, he high sticked May. Despite May bleeding everywhere, there was no penalty. The ref claimed it was because he was in the process of firing the puck. Ashton you bastard you're fucking with me again aren't you? Since when is that the rule? When? You always have to have control of your stick...well if you play for the Wings you do. Anyway, Murph in a typical drunken stupor decided to attempted to share the refs explanation with Ken and Mick. They were having none of it and engaged into some sort of school girl no, yes, no, yes fight. While a passed out Murph was being escorted home for the night, I hope someone checked around to make sure Mickey wasn't hiding somewhere in the hopes of administering some 'old school' punishment....don't shoot the messanger.
  • Ericsson, where the fuck did the kid from last year go? The 6'5'' beast that sent terror through other teams....has now become a 4'8'' little boy afraid of his own shadow. I blame Lebda. Lebda did this to him. Hell Lebda's own dog feels inadequate just from living with that fucker. Although in Ericssons defense he did make a nice centering pass in front of his OWN net during the Blues power play. Golf claps and finger snaps.
  • Desperation kicked in at one point, well that or Ken and Mickey got ahold of Murphy's moonshine flask, and they decided the Wings new strategy for the night should be to make Conklin change out his stick because it had blue tape instead of the required white tape.....yes they even looked up the rule to confirm. It was one of those nights.
  • Wings got on their collective knees and blew a 5 on 3. Congrats, not everyone can do that.
  • Abby's line had some good scoring chances.
  • Lidstrom hit the post...Twice.

But the real news of the night, Dan Cleary sustained an upper body injury (looked like his head to me) thanks to Jackman nearly blind siding him. Wonderful. According to the Chief's post, Holland believes he will be out for some time. Now I'll do a recap of the injuries, just because this gets confusing. Lilja, Franzen, Filppula, Williams, Kronwall, and now Cleary. Throw in Rafalski and Eaves and yeah. Fuck me. I guess Leino will be back in the line up. Sure both Cleary and Leino haven't been producing to the level their talent warrants, but at least Cleary creates opportunities for his linemates. At least he goes hard into the corners. And he doesn't look like a crazed serial killer ready to eat puppies and my dog is less at ease when Leino is on the ice. Interesting 2 fucking crazy looking bastards on one team and they both play like its the ice capades....

Monday, November 30, 2009

A Helm, Miller, Cleary, and Bertuzzi night?

Well Happy belated Thanksgiving all. Posting was non existent this past weekend as I was in Michigan visiting family and friends. But now I'm back in Arizona and apparently the Wings are back as well.

When I first turned on the TV and heard that Eaves would be out because he hit a rut during practice and injured his ankle I immediate assumed that tonight would be Marty's second win ever against the Wings during the regular season. (and yes, holy hell that was a run on sentence.) Luckily Turco is the essence of a Wings bitch and in some complicated galactic math equation, Detroit's ability to strip him of any small shred of dignity over and over again outweighs their ridiculous amount of injuries and misfortune....for one night anyway.

Many people said that last Saturday's game was a turning point for the Wings. And I certainly hope they're right because quite frankly watching their play during the end of November was about as enjoyable as having your eye brows plucked out one by one what receiving a lap dance from a greased up and glittery Pierre Mcguire.

Below are a few of my random thoughts on the Wings 4-1 victory over the Stars:

  • Howard's strong play on Saturday earned him the start tonight. Well that and quite frankly I think Babcock enjoys torturing Ozzie. If he could he would shove bamboo shoots up his finger nails....during the regular season at least

  • So anyway since Howard was starting they of course showed his team picture. It was the first time I noticed this but he certainly has a creepy fucking picture. Just look at it.

For some reason only known to him, baby Jesus, and Santa, he decided to give the camera fuck me eyes. Damn Tyra would be proud.

  • Zetterberg had a strong game and some good chemistry with the allusive Ville Leino. At one point early in the first Zetterberg had a nice flip pass to Leino, Leino went back to Zetterberg and one half of the Euro twins had a scoring opportunity with a backhand shot.

  • Detroit for some reason only had 4 men on the ice for a period of the time in the first. I was pretty afraid that one Mick was going to shat his pants out of utter confusion and frustration and two that Murph in a drunken stupor would step on the ice as the fifth skater. This would cause the Wings to take 2 double minor penalties and five licks of the paddle which would be personally administered by Gary to every player on the roster.

  • For the first time in 5 games the Wings scored first. No really that's not a fucking joke. But it does get better. Michigan State's own Drew Miller got his second goal as a Wing. And he earned it. He was aggressive on the forecheck which apparently caught the Stars off guard. He had a nice snap shot toward the net that deflected off a defensemen's elbow. Yeah he really earned his luck on that one. Go green.
  • The weirdest fucking part, Miller now has one more goal thana living hockey god himself, Lidstrom. Fuck this season.
  • The vast part of the first period was played without a whistle. Well until the refs became concerned the advertisers weren't getting appropriate air time, and fearing Gary's wrath, decided to call Homer for a cheap hooking penalty.
  • The Wings killed the penalty but about 3 second later, with 17 seconds left in the first, Dallas scores. Motherfucker was all that kept going through my head.
  • I haven't bitched about Meech much since he's been inserted into the line up. It could be because he doesn't get a lot of minutes, but I also think it's because he doesn't fuck up as much as Lebda. In fact, at the beginning of the second he had a nice defensive play where he went down to block a shot and ended up clearing the puck. I've decided, this is exactly how I like Meech, hardly noticeable unless he's making a decent play. Keep it up.
  • Cleary got the game winner. Garbage goal in front of the net. But at this point who's being picky?
  • However, Cleary later blocks a shot with his ankle and limps off in pain. When I saw him take a shift later I was inappropriately excited. In fact I noted that more surprising than the Wings having the lead is them not sustaining an injury during the game. Until I realized that after he takes off his skate tonight the real damage will be evident. That and the fact that from his facial expressions during the rest of the game you could assume that either Ozzie was spending his time on the bench pulling out Cleary's ball hair with a pair of tweezers or Clearly was really fucking hurting. Damn. I'm not a psychic but I have a feeling the news tomorrow will not be positive.
  • Jimmy Howard had another good game. I still have a sinking feeling in my stomach that just won't allow me to get comfortable with him. Because just when I do, he'll play like Turco does against the Wings.
  • HELM FINALLY SCORED! That poor fucking kid. With the opportunities he had last game you knew he was due. If he didn't score this game I was going to start to think the Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy weren't real....
  • Pavel Datsyuk and Henrick Zetterberg are amazing (past their prime) players. Just don't say that enough so I figured, what the hell nows as good as any other time.
  • Early in the night I made a note that Bertuzzi blocked a shot. In my typical cynical, bitchy style, I assumed that I would merely spend a large portion of this post noting that not only did Bertuzzi finally do something beneficial during regulation, but that perhaps he should just be used as a second goalie. Throw him in front of slap shots etc. in the hope that he could at least earn his salary that way....but then he did the unthinkable. He scored a beautiful top shelf goal and you know what, I enjoyed eating my words, or I guess thoughts. My dad seems to think this is a direct result of Bertuzzi's ego growing due to the confidence Babcock placed in him Saturday during the shoot out. I'm not so sure. Personally I think it's a direct result of the Wings having possession of Turco's balls. They keep them in a jar in Homer's locker.

A solid, hardworking game from the Wings tonight. And dare I say a full 60 minute effort. Is the corner turned? I don't know, I can hope. But I'm fragile now. Thanks to this season I fall into a drunken fetal position more quickly than I have ever done before. I'm cautiously optimistic waiting for the next ass kicking from the Wings, the hockey gods, or Gary. But I still hope....I'm still waiting for the injuries to subside and for the Wings to consistently return to form. Because they will. And then all the bitches out there can shut the fuck up.

But until then, all I do know for sure is the Wings had a hell of a game tonight and all ankles, knees, wrists, and what the hell heads, of every Wings player should be wrapped in bubble wrap at all times. Games, practices, trips to the super market whatever because there is some fucked up injury curse surrounding this team.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Well at least Helm, Stuart, and Ozzie showed up...

Wait for it, you know what's coming next, the Wings lost again. Wow that was still surprisingly difficult and painful to write. Nearly as painful as watching Todd Bertuzzi and Brett Lebda attempt to compete in the NHL. Sometimes I wonder if the overweight 50 plus beer leaguers could get around Lebda....and then I watch the shit fest he calls hockey over and over again and realize they would probably make him ride pine so it wouldn't even be an issue.

In what has become typical Red Wings fashion over last season and apparently this year as well, the Wings came and put in a decent 20 minute effort in the third period and seemed utterly shocked that wasn't enough to solidify a win. For fucks sake boys. Come on. You are down Franzen, Filppula, Williams, Lilja (yeah it's been so long I almost forgot how to spell his name), and now this one hurts, Kronwall, and you expect to only show up for the third period. That is about as intelligent as the kid who sits on the bus, picks his nose and then makes them into Harry Potter figures for the remainder of the ride. And no, I'm not talking about Bertuzzi, this time.

Yes they have lost a great deal of firepower and the injuries are almost laughable. ( I think Crosby has a Wings voodoo doll he plays with before he enjoys a nice cup of warm milk and bed time story from Mario.) But they have shown they can win. A bunch of dick teases. They have the ability to dominate. We've seen it this season. Uncle Mike can't do it all. The line shuffling has been impressive (minus the ridiculous pairing of Homer, Datsyuk, and Bertuzzi) but he may actually need the guys to show up on a regular basis to make all of this worth while.

Below are a few of my random thoughts from the game:

  • A personal favorite of mine, Darren McCarty made his broadcasting debut. He cleans up pretty well. Sure he looks a little bit like a middle America substitute teacher, but for the most part pretty damn professional. My only question, does he have his teeth in?
  • McCarty also made the point at the opening of the broadcast that Ozzie needs to be the Wings best player of the night. And he really was. If only the other guys brought a 40% effort they may have won
  • I didn't notice Meech that much, which means he was probably better than Lebda
  • Homer looked good in the opening minutes of the game, which made me cringe worrying that he would be next on the hockey gods hit list
  • Despite Ozzie having a great game, he did have one pretty, shall we say Howardesque moment in the first. On a wrap around play he found himself complete out of the net forcing his teammates to step in as goalie. Their defensive efforts seemed to end there.
  • Ericsson still made me want to beat him with a hockey stick, but not as much as previous games. But the only plausible explanation for that is Lidstrom was there to make up for Ericssons lack of defensive ability this season.
  • However with that said he did make a nice defensive play without a stick after his broke in the neutral zone. Just wondering what the fuck took the forwards so long to give him on the their sticks.
  • Bertuzzi had two offensive zone penalties. The Predators scored on one. I hate you Todd Bertuzzi.
  • Last night the Versus announcers mentioned the Preds are 10-0 when they score a powerplay goal...and now their 11-0. Bastards
  • In fact their first two goals were powerplay goals. And I began to realize that every Wings PK is full of stress and ass puckering. Apparently like prison
  • For some reason, before this game Babcock called Stuart a minute muncher. I get where he is going but for christ sake that is almost more suggestive than sloppy seconds. I was just waiting for some idiot on the broadcast team (not McCarty) to accidentally misquote him and say carpet muncher allowing Gary to suspend Babcock for 8 games....
  • On a positive note, Miller scored his first goal as a Wing. And guess what. He drove to the fucking net. He took the chance and stepped out of the perimeter and was rewarded. Oh yes that's how the Spartans play...
  • Darren Helm had another fantastic breakaway attempt, this time on the PK. Ok first, he needs to start practicing that shit because he seems allergic to scoring on a breakaway. Zetterberg and Datsyuk need to pull that boy aside and help him help himself. Secondly Rinne decided that he is motherfucking Hasek and comes all the way out and trips Helm. At first I cringed and grabed my ankles assuming this would be another injury. But when it wasn't I just became pissed thinking how that was a penalty for the Dominator.
  • Now I make it a point not to question Babcock. So I will just say that the Bert, Homer, Leino line is about as intelligent as having a group of 3 year olds do your taxes. At that point you know you said fuck it.
  • After the ass that is Todd Bertuzzi took his second offensive zone penalty of the game, I had to kick my own ass and pinch myself because I agreed with the versus team. they said "Bertuzzi does not have fast enough feet to keep up with Detroit's style." What the fuck did we do as fans to deserve watching that donkey dick night after night...
  • And poor Datsyuk I wonder what he thinks of all of this shit. He watches Zetterberg get to play with people who actually have a set of balls and can play the game. For fucks sake Leino and Datsyuk seem more physical than Big Bert. During Datsyuks big hit at center ice, I can only conclude that he was envisioning know he has to be pissed about his line.

Yeah and that's all I can really say about what transpired last night. I'm bitter. I know there are injuries but something has to be done about Bertuzzi and Lebda. Sure they weren't the only reason the Wings lost last night, they had an off game. And that will happen. But the turnovers and lack of hockey intelligence out of those two is getting old. Really fast. Now if only we could find some team stupid enough to make an advantageous trade for them.

Friday, November 13, 2009

What the hell were they drinking?

No I don't mean the Wings who won yet another game....and Jimmy Howard's second in a row. I'm talking about Larry Murphy, Ken Daniels, and Mickey.....they were full of the fucking giggles last night.

From Daniels providing fun Rascal Flats trivia...did you know their lead singer AND his wife are Canadian? To Murph suggesting the Wings third jersey have the Little Caesar's logo on it. And who knew he hated the Canuck's jersey so much? Pretty sure after that comment someone could have taken a Sammy shot to the mouth (that's what she said) and they would have all still been laughing either at or with Murph.

Yeah I certainly miss those goofy bastards when I'm stuck watching a different feed....

Anyway, the Wings had another grind it out win. Ozzie and Maltby were out with a case of flu...not sure if it was the pig flu, but none the less, the Wings tightened up again and won back to back games. I have my full thoughts here. Check it out if you're bored.

Either way I'm very confused about Howard. He once again refrained from sexual assaulting the blue line, had solid rebound control, and dare I say looked confident? I'm still waiting for confirmation that it wasn't actually Howard in net but instead the love child of Hasek and Vernon, a fucked up Ken Holland creation. It's the only thing to explain the sudden turn around. Well that or I should just shut the fuck up and stop questioning anything....and just enjoy the ride....

Oh and just because it makes me feel warm and cozy inside, I have to mention that the Penguins lost 5 of their last 6 games. And While every body and their mother is writing an article about the demise of the Wings and how much Babcock (You know Team Canada's coach, and the guy who lead the Wings to two consecutive finals appearances) sucks a Richard, they seem to gloss over the Pens struggles and instead focus on how Crosby's scoring drought is over....Fuck you Gary...

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Wings 9, BJs 1

Yes what you are currently feeling is totally normal. Confusion is a perfectly natural thing to be experiencing. Everyone including the Wings have been telling you they won't score many goals this year. So as a result you may have even done a double take while looking at the score just to make sure the Wings actually won 9-1. Sure they are still THE organization, THE example to all other 29 teams in the league, but a 9-1 victory was a pleasant and unexpected treat.

They bent the BJs, Nash, and Mason over and had their way nine different times, 7 different guys. Sure that sounds like a cheesy porn, but tonight it best describes the ass kicking that took place in Columbus.

Despite being down 6 forwards, they once again pulled together to have a solid team effort. When adversity strikes they seem to step up their game. First after Filppula and tonight after the Williams injury.

I have my complete thoughts here. However, if you didn't see the game, below is the quick and dirty. All you really need to know.

  • One minute and 5 seconds into the game Cleary scores. Yes he really is a fucking lazy bastard for waiting so long. He must be hanging out with Lebda.
  • After Datsyuk nearly King Henry VIII's (yes I'm a nerd) Klesla (luckily he was ok) he scores. 2-0 Detroit
  • Brad May loses a fight
  • Draper thinks he is Homer and after Helm and Eaves do the hard work he tips in a shot...seriously Draper must be drinking the blood of hockey virgins every night...he thinks he's 31 again this season
  • I did not feel at any point during the game that I should beat Howard with a hockey stick. Not even one of the composite sticks that breaks easily...
  • Kronwall scores on the PP 4-0 at the end of the first
  • Columbus scores 4-1
  • Bertuzzi scores. Sure no one thought that was possible and for awhile only Bert was celebrating, but if Gary and his bitches can't find a way to take the goal back it must have really happened. 5-1
  • In an effort to keep Bert's ego in check, Leino has the goal of the game less than 2 minutes later. 6-1
  • Kronwall scores again 7-1. And no curly fries for you...he didn't make it to three....
  • Abdelkader scores 8-1
  • Abdelkader scores 9-1.

Fantastic effort all around. Whatever Babcock put in their Wheaties this morning, I hope he does it again tomorrow.

Thursday they meet Sammy and the Canucks at the Joe. I hope they saved some goals because a win would be nice on Steve Yzerman night....just saying....

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


I feel a bit remiss that I did not make mention of Yzerman's Hall of Fame Induction sooner, however I didn't really know what to say. How do you put into words what your childhood hero, your example of leadership, dedication, and integrity has meant to you, to the state of Michigan through the years. I'm not talented or articulate enough to express all those emotions into words. Luckily someone much more capable was able to convey what we were all feeling.

I remember as a little girl growing up in Metro Detroit, my 5th grade class was given an interesting project. We all had to pick a famous role model we looked up to and admired. Our assignment was to dress as this hero and present a 'biographical' speech to the entire class. Most of the little girls chose Queen Elizabeth, Madonna, or some other famous actress. Myself, and most of the boys in the class, we chose The Captain. As young impressionable kids we had already learned to recognize and appreciate a true, humble leader who chose the good of his team above others.

Yzerman was one of a kind. Unique even to his time. In a day where athletes personal and professional lives are filled with indiscretions and scandals we can truly appreciate having The Captain as our example. We can truly appreciate how lucky we all were to be there for the ride.

Last night he capped an amazing career. And as he has always done, he handled himself with grace, humility, and class.

To The Captain.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Hmmmm not the celebration we were looking for.....

Datsyuk said before the game on Saturday that this would be the time to "Celebrate the Stevie." Well Saturday's 5-1 loss to Toronto was certainly a piss poor way to do so. Pathetic and embarrassing.

What would Yzerman say about that shit fest. Seriously. On one knee and with his eye looking like this:

He could still skate circles around most of the Wings Saturday. Not a way to honor the Winged Wheel.
I have more of my thoughts here. I don't think this is a complete backwards step, but instead a small stumble.
So in reality the only important thing to mention about Saturday is this:

Yes that is another injury. Williams fractured his fibula and will be out for 8 weeks. If you are losing count, Franzen is out for at least 4 months, Filppula for 8 weeks with a broken wrist and now Williams.

Holland said they will not be calling up any more forwards. So perhaps they are going to dress the beer guy from section 202 or Budd Lynch. I don't know who yet, but I can tell you they will probably be better than Lebda....hell I'm starting to question why I was so rough on Chelios last year....fucking Lebda.

It's been a year of injuries and the Wings are once again going to have to overcome this obstacle. Thank baby Jesus Lebda and Bertuzzi aren't hurt. If they were I would just throw in the towel now....

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

The Turnaround Continues Tonight??

A lot has happened since I have been attempting to fight this damn flu going around. So here is my best effort at a pathetic recap of the weekend’s events with a promise of better things to come.

First and foremost it seems as though Babcock has become a fan of some “psychological corporal punishment” this season. Wait, does that even make sense? Oh fuck it. I like it so it stays. Anyway, first Babcock called Zetterberg out in the media and we have seen quite a turn around. Despite a certain ESPN writers assertion that Zetterberg is past is prime he is currently at a PPG pace. The team’s future captain has really answered the call. Next, Babcock administered a minor spanking to one of his favorites. Yep no one is spared in the house of Babcock. What could have been seen as unnecessary, Babcock decided to bench a ‘struggling’ Darren Helm. Next game, Helm is a plus 3, and had one goal and one assist. He now makes up a dynamic and speedy third line clicking with both Draper and Eaves. And on Saturday, Babcock rightfully decided to bench Leino, giving him a little public bitch slapping and a chance to sit and watch his peers. The question now remains how will Leino respond? Positively like his peers? This one I’m not so sure. I’ve questioned from the beginning whether Leino and Babcock would get along. I guess this will be the first test for Ville. A test to see his commitment and ability to handle the little Babcock ball stomping that goes with playing for the Wings. I hope Babcock can make it three for three.

Either way there has been a great deal of speculation regarding his coaching ability. Whether he still has the respect of his players. Whether he has what it takes to lead the Wings on the path to a modern day dynasty. Well for me personally, I’ll look to his past history of a Stanley Cup and two consecutive finals appearances. And the present, his ability to meld 6 new forwards into a Wings line up that for years past has consistently held firm while also dealing with the expected complacency of players and devastating long term injuries of two of your top 4 forwards. Wow, just typing that made me tired, just think how you would feel if you were attempting to manage that. I think as Wings fans, instant gratification has been expected and provided over the years. This season however, that feeling of satisfaction, that mocking of others, may take some time.

With their play on Saturday in Calgary, it seemed as though some of the pieces came together. Leino was benched, Filppula was out, Franzen was out, Hockey Hell on earth was paired together on the blue line. Oh yes, those fuckers Lebda and Meech did in fact play together and the world kept spinning. Yet despite the obstacles it was still some of the most complete hockey they have played all year. Dare I say it was Red Wings hockey? They pulled together and had a terrific game. A solid TEAM effort. It was crazy to see all the positives that came from forwards not just named Datsyuk and Helm backchecking.

This week the Wings have some seriously difficult tests. Boston on Tuesday and San Jose on Thursday. It will be an opportunity to prove that Saturday wasn’t a fluke. That when they are down two of their best players they don’t make excuses but instead come up with solutions. Ozzie will start against Boston and he MUST have a game like he did on Saturday. Anything less will place the Wings in a difficult situation especially considering three of their defensemen (Rafalski, Kronwall, Ericsson) have the flu. Dynasty's don't skate through seasons with things being easy. They take what comes to them and at them, and make the most of it.

I'll be back tomorrow with a game recap.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Well that was delightful

Wow. The Wings have got to stop playing the first two periods like that. It's brutal, painful, and a terrible shit storm. I have my entire reaction here. Although at this point anything I write seems pointless....

With Filppula out 6-8 weeks with a broken wrist, I throw my hands in the fucking air. I don't know what else to say. Last night when I first heard the delightful news, this was my response. Sorry, but my initial reaction hasn't changed much.

All I know for sure is Datsyuk and Zetterberg will be split up again, and as expected Holland has no intention of calling up anymore forwards. And my guess, he will stay the coarse and refuse to make any trades.

Here's what Lidstrom had to say:

“We have to bear down and play even better,” Nicklas Lidstrom said. “We have to play even better defensively and be more conscious in our own zone, especially when you’re losing some of the forwards that are going to contribute offensively. Missing him, he’s a very important part of our team.”

Everyone in the Wings organization has been saying that all through October, the Wings blogosphere has been shouting it in Kanye West style all caps since the first game...and yet it hasn't happened. Excuses are running out, players are going down, and something needs to change, needs to happen and fast.

It seems as though they are running scared. That cool, confident swagger is dissipating. I understand there are a lot of new faces, but there is also a large veteran presence. Lidstrom, Maltby, Draper, Zetterberg, Datsyuk,'s time for them to push the young guys through this. With Franzen down and now Filppula, it's trial by fire. Do or die, basically every cliche you can think of.

This team of Champions needs to pull their collective head out of their ass and use this second injury, another set back, as motivation for a record breaking November.

The talent is, the ability is there. We have seen it in the last two third periods they played. It's time to translate that throughout entire games. Pick it up boys.

Filppula had this to say about his injury:

“I feel terrible, but nothing I can do now,” Filppula said.

Yeah you know what, I feel fucking terrible about it too. It's time for the rest of the Wings to do something about it.....

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Wings vs. Oilers vs. Swine Flu

Yep so tonight the Wings take on two separate opponents. The Oilers and the Swine Flu. They can barely handle one opponent on some nights and now we want them to BOTH win AND worry about Homer picking his nose or licking something and contracting the flu?? Well why don't we just ask for a million dollars and be done with it. Be prepared for some stressful moments tonight.

I have a few breakdowns over at D4L:

First is a "Pre Game" if you will. And by pregame I mean my usual mindless ramblings and pointless predictions, with some pleas and begging to the hockey gods mixed in. So really a typical game day.

I also attempt to alleviate my own stress by regurgitating Khan's news that Datsyuk will be in tonight. Yes I was being a selfish bitch and making me feel better. But come on. The Flying Circus combined for 3 goals and a shitty Zetterberg breakaway last game. The Wings need Datsyuk to start where he finished in Vancouver.

With that said, however, I am with the Chief on this one. With the injuries the Oilers are dealing with and the Wings coming off a win, well let's be honest. This is exactly the kind of game they love to lose. I'll shut my fucking mouth, but deep down you know it's true.

Anywho, be sure to check out D4L today and I will be back tomorrow with a post game.

Jesus I hope it will be a positive recap. Is that asking too much???

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Well that certainly felt better than a loss

Apparently Tuesday night was when Datsyuk decided to make his triumphant return. He road in on his white horse, broke his scoring draught and helped the Wings to their first away win of the year.

Head over to Detroit 4 Lyfe to see my full post game write up.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I guess he thought why the hell not?

Far be it for me to question Mike Babcock. The man has lead the Wings to two consecutive Stanley Cup Finals. Yzerman trusts him enough to make him coach of Team Canada, and the moment I question anything about Yzerman is when I deserve to have bamboo shoots shoved up my finger nails (ok that was extreme...) I'm not on the fire Babcock bandwagon which seems to be loading up faster than Lindsey Lohan at a night club. (Now McCrimmon is another story, he seems to fit nicely in my scapegoat category.)

But I will say I don't exactly agree with the decision to bench Helm in place of Abdelkader and Mays. Sure Helm has had a slow start and he doesn't seem to have the impact he did during the playoffs. But he is still strong on the forecheck, and is important on the PK. He needs time to recover from his injury and work through the first few games. This is essentially his training camp. I worry that this could be a confidence killer.

Yet at the same time, I trust Babcock to push the players as necessary, and maybe this is what Helm and the team as a whole needs.

Oh fuck it, bring on the tequila tonight.

Worthless Preview

Unfortunately this has become quite a routine here recently, but this preview is devoid of any real deep analysis. Work has decided as of late to personally come back and kick my ass....not sure what I did to piss off Karma, but from this blog alone the possibilities are endless...anywho, if you're still reading, bless you, because below are a few quick points on the Canucks and the game tonight.

Hold on tight boys and girls, this is the night we get to watch, the most amazing goalie in the entire world, the savior of the position, Jesus Christ on skates, and Weather Channel star....the one, the only, Robert Lugano. (please insert golf claps and finger snaps) Oh that's right tonight we will witness live, the goalie who has won, well nothing, but can shed a crocodile tear faster than a teenager caught stealing their parents car ROBERT LUGANO.....seriously I think it is the obligation of every member of the media assigned the Canucks beat to either A) bend over in his holy presence, or B) get on their knees. The love fest is non stop.

Apparently Kyle Wellwood is fat. Personally I think he ate the Jonny Ericsson we all grew to know from last years playoffs and just hasn't fully digested him yet.

I never knew that the Canucks have only been to the finals twice, and each time they have lost to a New York team. Yep pointless fact but interesting to me.

Daniel Sedin is out with a broken foot. In other news, his brother Henrik is suffering from a broken is he supposed to spend a 60 minute game without his other half??

And now for the real nut stompper. Samulesson, ahhh yes the very same Samulesson who's shot in years past was more likely to break Cleary's face or invade the Canadian border than hit the back of the net is leading the Vancouver team with 5 goals. For fucks sake this season is bizarre...but rest assured, Homer is leading the Wings in goals, and Maltby is leading them with the best shooting percentage. Enough said.

During yesterday's practice Babcock decided to split up the Leino-Filppula-Williams line. That's right the most consistent line of the season may not play together tonight, but with the Twilight Zone theme of this season, perhaps it will be a positive.

I am however sad to say the one change that everyone has been screaming to take place (*cough splitting up Lebda and Ericsson *cough) does not appear to be the cards. As usual Matt at On The Wings has the full analysis.

Be back tomorrow with a wrap up of the game. For fucks sake can it be positive for once???

Some Exciting News

Ok, ok I admit that title was slightly lame, but don't let it take away from the exciting announcement buried in this post. Very exciting for me anyway.

Bob from over at Detroit 4 Lyfe, has asked me to become a Red Wings contributor for his fantastic site. Oh shut it, he was of sound and able mind while making that decision, don't worry I asked repeatedly....

As I am sure many of you know D4L is like porn for the hardcore Detroit sports fan. Covering everything from the Lions, Tigers, Pistons, Red Wings, oh and of course the Spartans. They also seem to excel at amazing pieces like this. If you have not yet been over there, be sure to stop by. You will be incredibly pleased. It can be sarcastic, humorous, but always incredibly well written and informational for the Detroit sports fan. I am extremely excited, honored, and humbled they asked little ole me to contribute.

Bob, the fearless leader, has asked me to essentially bring some of what I do over here at Bingo Bango to D4L. And I am excited to begin later this week.

I'll still be writing just as much for Bingo Bango (where else would it be socially appropriate for me to compare Pronger to a cum rag) but will have some additional pieces at D4L. Please be sure to stop by, check it out, and follow them on facebook.

A big thanks to Bob and all the writers at D4L.

I'll be back this afternoon with a pregame for the Vancouver game.....cover your eyes if you don't want to read a cliche, but this game is a must win.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Stop me if you've heard this one before

Ok, by the time I finally decided another Red Wings loss had set in and I was ready to write about it, I discovered that the notes I took during the game were lost. Most likely eaten by my dog. No that's not a lame excuse for how pathetic this post is about to be, it's just the reality of my house. My dog eats everything, carpet, toilet paper, furniture, and of course anything I deem important. Basically she is 6 pounds of pure hell on 4 you can blame her for what you are about to read.

Some random points about the game:

Brad Watson is a donkey dick. What the fuck is wrong with him? No I am seriously asking. How can anyone really be that bad at their job and still be working? Can't they find a more competent official? How was Bertuzzi's goal not actually a goal, how was Ozzie not shoved into the net in Phoenix, and don't even get me started on the Hossa incident of 09. At this point, Gary might as well hire some trained monkeys to ref the games....they couldn't be any worse and they will at least be objective.

Bertuzzi actually played well. And yes a small part of my soul died while writing that...are you happy?

Lebda and Ericsson, sigh. I don't even know at this point. Lebda seems to think he is a forward and spends more time joining the rush than he does playing defense. And Ericsson, well where is the kid that stepped in and was clutch during last years playoffs? I would like him back please. I'll even ask nicely....pretty please? Maybe it's not really the 6'7'' beast of yesteryear, but instead some robot modeled after Brian Campbell.....if so where is Gary hiding Jonny?

Since McCrimmon seemed to struggle running the penalty kill, it appears as though Babcock has now assigned him to handle the power play. I am pretty sure the Wings could not score in a cheap whore house. Pathetic....far too much perimeter play.

I have never seen a team so capable of kicking their own asses. No really, they must be zen like masters when it comes to yoga because they continuously seem to be bend and twist and fuck things up to such a degree that they kick their own asses....masochists....

Oh and Jimmy Howard can suck it.

It is beginning to concern me that I expect the Wings to lose more than I expect them to win. Yes they lost offensive talent in the off season, yes they have a lot of new faces they need to bring together. But it is still an incredibly talented team. Their play of late is inexcusable and Babcock, Lidstrom, Zetterberg, and Holland better figure this shit out fast.

Friday, October 23, 2009

And this is why the seasons long...

Well that was fan fucking tastic.

No really it was. Wonderful. Me, personally, I enjoy getting financially ass raped for what I will admit where amazing seats, only to watch the Wings once again, play a lackadaisical game, with a complete lack of killer instinct.

I distinctly remember in the third period, during the last minute of the Wings powerplay, saying to those around me, they need to score here or we will once again watch them repeat the ridiculous pattern of losing after having the lead. Oh I was scoffed at...until it came true.

I had some thoughts I wanted to share regarding the game, but they seem a bit pointless now. The Wings, once again lost, on the road trip that was supposed to bring them together, you know all that kumbaya shit they spouted. Well it didn't seem to take place last night. Perhaps Lidstrom needs to organize some sort of trust game in the parking lot of the hotel. You know if you fall I will catch you and all that bull shit...something, because they certainly don't seem to be clicking on the ice.

Alright, despite my shitty attitude about the loss, during the first 2 periods it was nice to watch the Wings play live again. And I did have sick seats right next to their bench and the tunnel. It gave me a new perspective, watching the dynamics on the bench, line changes, bitch fests, the fact that Paul Boyer is fucking amazing and seems like the busiest person instead of providing you with in depth, insightful analysis, I'll share all the other stupid shit I noticed. That's right, the game still hurts so here we go with what I like to call pointless and strange observations:

During the pre game I noticed that much like the frat boy douche Mike Green, Todd Bertuzzi is rocking the faux hawk....well it wasn't exactly a faux hawk, it was longer, but really not a mohawk either. It was like during a drunken night a faux hawk and a mullet got together, did the dirty and that monstrosity was born..... I don't know, no matter what we choose to call it, he was too old to be sporting it.

While on the bench you could really see their personalities come out, Lebda ALWAYS has a shit eating grin...and I don't know why. It's like he knows something we don't. Like the jokes on all of us...he creeps me out.

Datsyuk laughs about everything, except for the one lovers quarrel he seemed to have with his bff. He totally pulled the bitch move of rolling his eyes and skating away. The only other thing he could have done to get his point across was to declare "whatever, talk to the hand because the face ain't listenin."

Leino always looks pissed the fuck off....always. I know his team pic makes him look like a serial killer, but he pretty much has that air about him all the time.

If one more half baked Coyotes fan yelled Dooooooooaaaaan, I was going to lose my freaking mind.

Speaking of Coyotes fans, during one of the Wings rushes (and I guess in their defense it was the flying circus) someone did yell "Gordon, the flying V!" Then he high fived all his buddies and spilled his beer on the guy in front of him.

I am pretty sure Maltby's vocabulary is limited to the word FUCK. Yes my respect level for him grew 46%. I swear to baby Jesus, that is the only word he seemed to utter to himself, his teammates, and the Coyotes...which may explain his "fight." Now where I was seated and where the wrestling match took place, it was hard to tell what was happening...I just know he ended up with a 4 minute roughing penalty for his troubles. That seems extreme for whatever was going on down there.

When Bertuzzi nearly took a puck in the face, it looks like he got his shoulder up just in time, I swear to you, the ref and the linesmen near by looked at each other and laughed...classic.

And finally, to me, Babcock always looked like he could be an intimidating guy especially when he's getting all competitive and shit. But during a commercial break, he took it to a new level when he essentially tore Zetterberg a new ass hole.....I don't know, he seems to enjoy bitching at Zetterberg this season...

I have ton of pictures to post and will do so later this afternoon after the whole work thing is completed.

Let me just end by saying that sitting where I was, watching them live, I was much more calm than I usually am. They seemed to have it under control (despite the fact that they did look like an average team). When Lidstrom stepped on the ice the confidence level for the whole team seemed to increase, they still had that Red Wings air about them. But maybe that is part of the problem. Maybe they need to get back to the basics and get back to working hard and earning every minute, every point. Something has to change.

More thoughts and pictures soon.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

The Wings are in Phoenix

Tomorrows the day....The Wings are in town...Finally. I haven't seen a live Wings game since last winter, and I am long overdue for my hockey fix.

But apparently now the Coyotes have decided to become competitive. Yep, wait for it....

The Phoenix Coyotes are 5-2-0.

Yeah no really they are. I know I know, if you would have told me that 2 months ago I would have believed it about as much as any of the following scenarios:

Sidney Crosby is actually capable of growing a beard...and no not the pube stash he generally rocks

Patrick Kane grows a set of balls and can stand up for himself on the ice and not just at 2am to a cab driver while"allegedly" drunk

The Maple Leafs are competitive

Gary Bettman is no longer a complete douche who in his spare time watches old games where the Wings lose while simultaneously doing jazzercise in hot pants to a Chaka Kahn cassette tape. If you need a visual think of Richard Simmons

Malkin learns to breathe through his nose

Pronger learns to read words greater than 2 syllables

Don Cherry finally admits that European players actually contribute to the NHL

Lebda does not cause me to break any household objects for an entire season

Mike Green learns to play defense, or at least doesn't blame his stick or gloves for his short comings

Anywho, moving on, tomorrow the Wings will meet a surprisingly strong Coyotes team with a hot goalie. Oh and of course this bastard that the guys from the Triple Deke enjoy bringing up. They are either harboring a not so secret mancrush or really just like the subtle cinematography of that youtube clip....I'm going to go with the later.

As I said, I will be at the game tomorrow, and will hopefully get some relatively decent pictures...but I will be at Margaritaville before, so no promises of how my photography skills will hold up....

I just hope Datsyuk will actually play so it doesn't seem as odd when I rock my Dangle Dangle tshirt....yep that's right, one perk of living in this hockey hotbed is sitting outside in 80 something degree weather before you go to a hockey game. Alright, enough being a bragging bitch.

I'll be back tomorrow night, hopefully after a decisive Red Wings win. Go Wings.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

It's that time of year

It's only Tuesday....and Thursday seems really far away. So what better way to pass the time than with a pointless, useless, and somewhat offensive post. With Halloween right around the corner I have been thinking hard about what my costume will be this year.....and in the process I ran across some options for our favorite Wings players.

Well here we go.

Abdelkader- I'm going to start off with one of my more lame choices. Sticking with his Michigan State nickname of Gator, I immediately and very creatively decided he should be an alligator....and then ultimately decided on a Ninja turtle, because while not a gator, it is a reptile and is a hell of a lot more entertaining to see a 6 foot something grown male in a ninja turtle costume. Now the real decision comes into play, is he Rafael or Leonardo???
Howard- While watching Howard make a complete fuck face of himself in Sweden, a non hockey friend of mine (yes I classify all friends as hockey friends or non hockey friends...shut it) continuously asked "where's Howard." Which progressed to "Where the FUCK is that Fucking Howard." I agreed he did seem to often be out of position but her anger and disgust with him was so severe she nearly made a shirt with that slogan....anywho, as a result of that ridiculously pointless exchange, the costume for Jimmy, Where's Waldo.

Leino- I don't know, something about him just makes me think that one wrong look and he could steal your know what I mean. So for that reason, and that reason alone, I envision him as some sort of menacing vampire....but certainly not the Twilight vampire...more night of the Living Dead, wait those were zombies, oh fuck it you know where I'm going with this.

Draper- Draper is that guy that always seems to be so full of energy and so fucking cheery, All. The. Time. He totally seems like the kind of guy who despite knowing his friend/teammate/kid/Pet is not a morning person, he would be all up in their face at 6am when all they want to do is eat their cheerios in silent while cursing the world for forcing them to be up at that time. With that said, the perfect costume for Draper is the Male Spartan Cheerleader from Saturday Night Live.

Fraznen- Yes this may be a little lame as well, but due to his various nicknames and his overall appearance, he has to be Frankenstein.

Homer- Now this was a tough one. There are so many great costumes for Homer. He could be Kenny from Southpark because only his closest friends seem to understand what the fuck he is saying. I also totally seem him as a Fred Flintstone type. But I settled on the McDonald's Hamburglar. Oh that's right. He seems like the sneaky bastard who would eat all your fries and take a bite of your greasy, slimy burger while you are in the bathroom. Then he'd deny doing it while he is ripping some wicked slider farts.....oh yes disgusting but you know he would
Zetterberg and Datsyuk- Of course the Eurotwins need to have a couples costume so I decided on Mario and Luigi. Each has it's own strengths, you can't pick a favorite (at least I can't) and they really seem to work best together. Could Datsyuk grow the necessary mustache is the only remaining question.
Meech- Since every time he plays his only contribution seems to be the giant steamer he leaves on the ice, his perfect costume would be a whoopy me it is much nicer than my initial thought
May- I've heard him referred to as a fly swatter, Babcock has specifically laid out his role as an enforcer, and since the typically violent costumes seemed like a cliche choice, I think a better option could be the classic, yet always entertaining ghost buster ensemble.

Rafalski- Now this may come off as mean, and that wasn't my intention. But it is a necessary costume for any group , and with Hudler off building snowmen in Siberia for the next two years, and thanks to his height, he became the go to choice. So without further ado, the perfect, or necessary costume for Rafalski would be a teletubby.....Now I know the teletubbies are creepy little fuckers that only come out in your worst nightmares, but a teletubby costume can also be a good laugh and can inflict a little torture on the poor bastard forced to wear it.
Lebda- I don't know why but for some reason he seems like an overgrown cliche frat boy. I'm not meaning to insult any past or current fraternity brothers, but Lebda has that Animal House, smells like smoke and Popov in middle of the afternoon look about him. He may yell Toga Toga Toga at any time. So with that said, I award him the cliche college boy costume....a fact a Flavor Flav style pimp. Go big of go home.

Filppula- Yeah with those flowing locks and sun in highlights.....not being Goldilocks would be a sin against nature, against Finland. Oh that's right, the Goldilocks costume is his calling.

And finally,

Helm- Ah yes he's fast, he's tenacious, and like Homer, there are many costume options. Oh there's the obvious, the energizer bunny, speed racer, or a giant ridalin pill...but I prefer something a bit more humorous, the Talladaga Nights, Ricky Bobby costume. The speed reference is there along with a little hillbilly action which makes any costume 62% better. Don't ask, that percentage came from a complicated calculus equation created after drinking copious amounts of tequilla. It is legit and shit.

And there you have it. I apologize if your IQ has been negatively affected after reading that crap. But either way, perhaps you found your perfect costume, so it's a win overall.