Tuesday, October 20, 2009

It's that time of year

It's only Tuesday....and Thursday seems really far away. So what better way to pass the time than with a pointless, useless, and somewhat offensive post. With Halloween right around the corner I have been thinking hard about what my costume will be this year.....and in the process I ran across some options for our favorite Wings players.

Well here we go.

Abdelkader- I'm going to start off with one of my more lame choices. Sticking with his Michigan State nickname of Gator, I immediately and very creatively decided he should be an alligator....and then ultimately decided on a Ninja turtle, because while not a gator, it is a reptile and is a hell of a lot more entertaining to see a 6 foot something grown male in a ninja turtle costume. Now the real decision comes into play, is he Rafael or Leonardo???
Howard- While watching Howard make a complete fuck face of himself in Sweden, a non hockey friend of mine (yes I classify all friends as hockey friends or non hockey friends...shut it) continuously asked "where's Howard." Which progressed to "Where the FUCK is that Fucking Howard." I agreed he did seem to often be out of position but her anger and disgust with him was so severe she nearly made a shirt with that slogan....anywho, as a result of that ridiculously pointless exchange, the costume for Jimmy, Where's Waldo.

Leino- I don't know, something about him just makes me think that one wrong look and he could steal your soul.....you know what I mean. So for that reason, and that reason alone, I envision him as some sort of menacing vampire....but certainly not the Twilight vampire...more night of the Living Dead, wait those were zombies, oh fuck it you know where I'm going with this.

Draper- Draper is that guy that always seems to be so full of energy and so fucking cheery, All. The. Time. He totally seems like the kind of guy who despite knowing his friend/teammate/kid/Pet is not a morning person, he would be all up in their face at 6am when all they want to do is eat their cheerios in silent while cursing the world for forcing them to be up at that time. With that said, the perfect costume for Draper is the Male Spartan Cheerleader from Saturday Night Live.

Fraznen- Yes this may be a little lame as well, but due to his various nicknames and his overall appearance, he has to be Frankenstein.

Homer- Now this was a tough one. There are so many great costumes for Homer. He could be Kenny from Southpark because only his closest friends seem to understand what the fuck he is saying. I also totally seem him as a Fred Flintstone type. But I settled on the McDonald's Hamburglar. Oh that's right. He seems like the sneaky bastard who would eat all your fries and take a bite of your greasy, slimy burger while you are in the bathroom. Then he'd deny doing it while he is ripping some wicked slider farts.....oh yes disgusting but you know he would
Zetterberg and Datsyuk- Of course the Eurotwins need to have a couples costume so I decided on Mario and Luigi. Each has it's own strengths, you can't pick a favorite (at least I can't) and they really seem to work best together. Could Datsyuk grow the necessary mustache is the only remaining question.
Meech- Since every time he plays his only contribution seems to be the giant steamer he leaves on the ice, his perfect costume would be a whoopy cushion...trust me it is much nicer than my initial thought
May- I've heard him referred to as a fly swatter, Babcock has specifically laid out his role as an enforcer, and since the typically violent costumes seemed like a cliche choice, I think a better option could be the classic, yet always entertaining ghost buster ensemble.

Rafalski- Now this may come off as mean, and that wasn't my intention. But it is a necessary costume for any group , and with Hudler off building snowmen in Siberia for the next two years, and thanks to his height, he became the go to choice. So without further ado, the perfect, or necessary costume for Rafalski would be a teletubby.....Now I know the teletubbies are creepy little fuckers that only come out in your worst nightmares, but a teletubby costume can also be a good laugh and can inflict a little torture on the poor bastard forced to wear it.
Lebda- I don't know why but for some reason he seems like an overgrown cliche frat boy. I'm not meaning to insult any past or current fraternity brothers, but Lebda has that Animal House, smells like smoke and Popov in middle of the afternoon look about him. He may yell Toga Toga Toga at any time. So with that said, I award him the cliche college boy costume....a pimp...in fact a Flavor Flav style pimp. Go big of go home.

Filppula- Yeah with those flowing locks and sun in highlights.....not being Goldilocks would be a sin against nature, against Finland. Oh that's right, the Goldilocks costume is his calling.

And finally,

Helm- Ah yes he's fast, he's tenacious, and like Homer, there are many costume options. Oh there's the obvious, the energizer bunny, speed racer, or a giant ridalin pill...but I prefer something a bit more humorous, the Talladaga Nights, Ricky Bobby costume. The speed reference is there along with a little hillbilly action which makes any costume 62% better. Don't ask, that percentage came from a complicated calculus equation created after drinking copious amounts of tequilla. It is legit and shit.

And there you have it. I apologize if your IQ has been negatively affected after reading that crap. But either way, perhaps you found your perfect costume, so it's a win overall.


  1. This was amazing.

  2. Also, I think Abdelkader would be Leonardo because he's got some leadership qualities. He looks like he could handle a pair of katanas.

  3. Well done. I'm posting a link to this on WIM.