Friday, April 30, 2010

Well aren't I a Positive Polly

This is probably the first loss in a long time that I feel very "eh" about. Very whatever. Very unconcerned. Everyone knew the Sharks would be a tough team and we all sure as hell knew the challenges with playing Game one mere hours after defeating a gritty Coyotes team in Game 7. So when the Wings lost 4-3 last night, for once my panties didn't get in a bunch.

First let me say this was at least a good effort. (minus the minute twenty of pure goal scoring hell) Aside from Game 7, it was probably the best game they had played all playoffs. They just let down for that time period and the Sharks capitalized. And yet the positive, the Wings clawed and scratched their way back into it. They ended with a 4-3 loss that could have been much much worse.

My other thoughts you ask? Jimmy Howard didn't really play badly. During that goal spurt and essentially every penalty kill he was pretty much left to fend for himself. I don't blame Jimmy for the loss and yet he's probably pretty pissed off with himself. Which is a great thing for Red Wings Nation because Howard seems to relish in a little adversity and bounces back well. Tell me if you could think of a better mind set for a Red Wings goalie?

Welcome to the 2010 playoffs Johan Franzen. I see someone noticed his face on the fan sponsored milk carton and sent him back to the team. Whoever returned the Mule can collect their prize any time now. It's a trip (sorry a no expense paid trip) to Brazil to see Herm...I believe he did however offer up a room at his place for there you go. Thanks Herm.

Dan Cleary had a great night. Which probably explains why half the male population in Michigan now have undescended testicles as a direct result of watching him lay on the ice hurt. But as the true grinder he came back out and finished the game. I'm just crossing my fingers he'll be ok...

Alright since Franzen seems to be back with the team, can we pool the remaining money and put Kronwall's face on the next round of milk cartons? Where the hell has he been? And why does he continuously seem to be possessed by Pierre McGuire's favorite Swede, KronVall? It's time for a milk carton campaign and an exorcism. As the future of the Wings blue line, he needs to start playing to the level we've all seen in the past. And as one of my favorite players it's getting really fucking old complaining about him.

Special teams needs to be better. Period. The penalty kill and the power play have had moments of billiance. But they need to start being more consistent.

Alright, I can't have a "recap" without mentioning the Franzen penalty. How is it that two blatant high sticks have been ignored during the playoffs. My understanding was, this penalty is one call that's black and white. A high stick doesn't have to be intentional. If a player doesn't have control of his stick, he goes to the box. There's blood, he goes for 4 minutes. Pretty fucking cut and dry. Especially considering Franzen was hit before either player fell. If they were going to call Franzen for tripping, at the very LEAST, San Jose should have gotten 2 minutes for high sticking as well. Leave it as a wash. The irony, Filppula was called for a high stick or slash, during that pk and the Sharks had a 5 on 3. Inexcusable. Sure the Wings didn't capitalize on the power plays they had, but that was a huge glaring mistake. Very similar to the Lidstrom high stick in the Phoenix series. Below is what Babcock had to say:

"But on the 5-on-3 penalty, it's a slash for sure but don't dive on the ice and embellish it. You are from Western Canada, don't do that."
I'm looking forward to Sunday. I anticipate a rested and re energized Red Wings team. I still stand by my original comment, if they can split the first two games, I like their chances. However, going down 2-0 to the Sharks, very well may be too deep a hole. Sunday is in many ways a must win.
And as a side note, I feel a little off being so freaking positive after a loss. My whole world seems turned upside down. Roses smell fresher, the Phoenix smog is less intense, and the sun is shining brighter. I hope the Wings don't take this loving feeling away with another loss on Sunday. I can't be Positive Polly after two losses. No matter how hard I try.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

A Random "Recap" and a Look to the Stars...Again

Wow. For the first time in a long time, I was absolutely speechless last night. What an effort. What a game. What a fantastic demonstration of true Red Wings hockey. They came in, knew what needed to be done, and with an extreme amount of determination they executed their plan phenomenally.

I'm far too excited, yes still, and the 2nd round starts too soon for me to do a real recap, but it won't stop me from a little shameless gushing about my favorite team. But before I do that, I would like to congratulate the Phoenix Coyotes. Sure I bitched about their cheap shots and the fact that they whine worse than my 3 year old niece when you tell her she's too young to say fuck off, but what a season. Once you remove the Great One from behind the bench, the team pulls together and executes Tippets plan. A great season.

Now moving onto the team we all love, the Red Wings. That was a complete 60 minute effort my friends. From drilling Bryzgalov with 16 shots in the first to scoring 4 goals in the second, and 2 more in the 3rd, yes that was a Red Wings win.

The power play, the penalty kill, they were text book. A free clinic for the masses without the penicillin.

The top players lead the way and set the tone and the 3rd and 4th lines came through in the third.

After the first Datsyuk goal there was a bit of a sigh across Red Wings nation. And then the second a little more relief. But it was after they killed the 5 on 3 penalty and after the Stuart breakaway goal, you knew the Wings were in the zone.

Really, this video says so much about last nights game and the opportunities throughout the rest of the playoffs.

Now onto round 2. Apparently Washington dethroned San Jose as the perennial choke artists and the Sharks look to be quite a challenge this off season. Yes the Wings were 3-1 this season against the top seed, but this team is not to be taken lightly. The defensive cracks which came out to butt fuck the Wings during the first round, cannot happen against San Jose. The teams too deep.

And since the Eagles are in town and the Wings play their first game tomorrow, below are the player horoscopes for 4/29....let's hope the stars are kind to us.

Player: Niklas Kronwall

Sign: Capricorn

4/29 Horoscope: Although you are often drawn toward a conservative approach, holding back now doesn't lead to increased stability. Paradoxically, exercising your freedom may be the most important tool you have in your ongoing search for creativity and fun.

My Take: Alright, this will be Kronwalls series and this game his opening act. He's been playing conservative, attempting to minimize risks. At times this has caused KronVall to make an apperance. But if he lets go and plays with the creativity and freedom he usually does, that bodes well for the Wings defense which will face a strong onslot from a talented San Jose team. Perhaps there will be a few Kronwalled moments...dare we dream.

Player: Justin Abdelkader AND Filppula

Sign: Pisces

4/29 Horoscope: You have a magical aura that wraps around you today, wherever you go. This energetic layer is powered by your imagination and it is only as strong as your current belief in yourself. Don't let logic or reality spoil your dreams. If you believe that anything is possible, then you won't be limited by restrictive rules or your own self-doubt.

My Take: Wow. What more could we ask for as Wings fans. Two players who consistently had a strong series seem set to continue that tomorrow. Filppula in particular has shown his imagination and creativity this season and apparently he's ready to fully display that tomorrow. And Abdelkader, he has to have some self confidence after the last few games against Phoenix. I like it.

Player: Darren Helm

Sign: Aquarius

4/29 Horoscope: It's apparently your turn to show off your brilliance today and you have no intention of being a shrinking violet. But your creative genius isn't reliable and you might find the spotlight shining on you while you have nothing to say. Don't try to fake it by pretending to share what's on your mind while actually hiding your true thoughts. Once you become comfortable with the idea of opening up, then the resistance to being seen begins to fade.

My Take: Yeah. That's a great horoscope.

Alright yes that was quick and dirty, but it still seems promising. I like it. And sure round 2 came quick but I kind of like that too. I'm hoping that the intensity will still be there and the Wings can at the very least split these first two games.

Round 2 starts tomorrow, are you fucking ready?

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Oh For Fucks Sake, Are You Ready?

Yep so I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. Game 7 is here and this could possibly be my last pregame post of the season. And I'm not ready for that. I'm not ready for Red Wings hockey to be over. So today I'll be pacing, I'll be grumpy, and I'll be waiting for this fucker to start. It's gotten to the point where my manager now jokes that on game days she's going to schedule all my meetings where I either need to negotiate or be "assertive." Yes I'm that cranky with anticipation.

Last game the Wings were bent over worse than Crosby during an afternoon love making session with Bettman. Not only did the Coyotes out work them, but they threw in a number of cheap shots for good measure. And now it's up to the Wings. Now they need to remember both the humiliation as well as the anger from Sunday's abortion.

But rest assured. Because as you can see in the picture below, the future captain has some determination. He's willing to drive hard to the net and put in the dirty work other skill players shy away from. Anyone willing to take this sort of punishment isn't ready for the season to be over.

And there's always Todd Bertuzzi. He doesn't even need to get involved in scrums. His mere stare will eat a soul in 33 seconds flat. That's a secret weapon right there.
Sunday Brad Stuart looked like a ghost from Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals past. It was an awful afternoon for him. And yet, I don't think he's ready for the season to end. And this first period shortie from Game 6. Sure Jimmy may forget the disappointment, but he will remember enough not to let that happen again.

Remember, there's always Filppula. If he could have won the game by himself on Sunday he would have. Consistent winning hasn't left him jaded. He's ready to add another Stanley cup to his list of accomplishments.

And in addition to Filppula there's always Justin Abdelkader. Ahhhh yes, a Spartan. A Michigan State boy who willing went back down to the minors to put his time in waiting for this opportunity with the big club. You think this guy wants to go home early? Do you think he's going to forget about Derek Morris' balless cheap shot from Sunday. Probably not.
Datsyuk. What more do you need to say other than his name. There's no one in the league like him. And just look at the fear on the Coyote's face.

With this group of Red Wings, I hope to see this all over the ice tonight. Coyotes crying in the fetal position because their season just came to an end.
You have to like the Wings chances. Especially with a psychotic face like this in net.
I hope to be back later with some pregame updates if the stress doesn't kill me first.
It's game 7 boys and girls. Are you fucking ready to do this?

Monday, April 26, 2010

Let's Look to the Stars....Again....and Again

Since this has worked the last 2 games, I'm hoping the stars and AOL Horoscopes will help us out again. I didn't post them on Saturday before game 6 and we all know how Sunday went. Sigh. I hated Sunday.

Anywho, here's a look at tomorrow's horoscopes for some of our favorite players. Cross your fingers and toes.

Player: Patrick Eaves

Sign: Taurus

4/27 Horoscope: There could be a return to normalcy, with the Moon's visit to your 6th House of Daily Routine. Although you know that there are big changes unfolding at work, your smartest strategy is to simply do your job today without getting caught up in the big picture. It's impossible for you to know how everything will play out in the long run, so concentrate on keeping things as stable as you can for now.

My Take: Ok this one makes me happy. I'm still not riding a unicorn picking daisys in a valley happy (thanks to Sunday) but I like this horoscope for Patrick Eaves. Especially considering he is one of the key penalty killers. First, it tells us things will return to normal. Which can only mean one thing, the Wings will start to play like the motherfucking Red Wings and not that freaky pod team we've seen so much this season. Second, Eaves is a free agent after this season. Big changes could be coming to the Wings roster whether we feel confident about it or not. Eaves just needs to play hard and have a great game and use those thoughts of uncertainty as motivation. I like it.

Player: Niklas Kronwall

Sign: Capricorn

4/27 Horoscope: You can be quite strategic in your planning today, for your professional objectives are clear and you'll do whatever it takes to reach your destination. But nothing is as straightforward as it initially seems and as the day progresses you are required to balance your own needs with the needs of your friends and associates. Don't assume that your dreams are in line with everyone's. Nevertheless, continue to clarify your ambitions and work steadily to attain your goals.

My Take: Ah Kronwall. Between him and the Mule I've screamed at the TV more this series than I did all season. He certainly hasn't been up to par. And I hate saying that since he's always been one of my favorite players. The one thing about Kronwall, he always seems genuinely pissed when the Wings lose. He wants to win. His objective is clear. Perhaps how he helps the team achieve their goal is the only portion up in the air. Will he be the feared Kronwall with open ice hits, or will he be the offensive minded clutch goal scorer? There's no way to fucking tell, but if one of those Kronwall personalities makes an appearance, I feel pretty damn good about the Wings chances.

Player: Brad Stuart

Sign: Scorpio

4/27 Horoscope: You have more going on in your imagination today than anyone could possibly guess. Fortunately, you are able to hide your fantasies from everyone else without too much effort, but keeping your secrets will become more difficult as the day unfolds. Ultimately, your actions could give away your real feelings, especially if you've grown tired of pretending everything is okay when it's not. Letting the truth out little by little is wiser now than doing it all at once.

My Take: Yes I know this doesn't say much about the game tomorrow. But it may further prove the distraction that Karen Newman has become. I think it explains game 3 and 6.

Player: Jimmy Howard

Sign: Aries

4/27 Horoscope: Although you try to remain unbiased, you do know what you want and your feelings continue to intensify throughout the day. At first, the graceful Libra Moon assists in your process of finding equilibrium but you are unable to hold on to a detached point of view once it enters Scorpio. Be willing to let go of your previous expectations in order to make room for something new to enter your life.

My Take: It's time for Jimmy to let go of Game 6 and the desire he had to bring Hockeytown to the second round. If he refocuses and moves on, he can still accomplish his goal in Game 7. One thing to say about Jimmy, the kid seems to thrive on adversity. He bounces back and dare I say rebounds quite well. The Wings will need him focused and able to do so again on Tuesday.

Player: Justin Abdelkader AND Filppula

Sign: Pisces

4/27 Horoscope: Your performance at work today makes your friends see how determined you are, but you have more going on than meets the eye. Although they might think you are trying to impress them, you are actually pushing yourself to accomplish as much as you can while you still feel in control. Keep in mind that although everything seems to be very intense, you have a couple of weeks to organize yourself before the window of opportunity begins to close.

My Take: Both Adelkader and Filppula have had fantastic series. Abby has brought a physical presence and as witnessed by Morris' cheap shot and unprovoked attack on our favorite MSU alum, he has started to piss off some Coyotes. Top that with the goal he scored and the kid has made his presence known. If everyone plays on Tuesday with even half of his determination, I like the Wings chances.

And Filppula, wow. It has certainly been a turning point season for him. I'm pretty sure he's attempting to compete for a spot on Babcock's man crush list. Keep it up.

Player: Darren Helm

Sign: Aquarius

4/27 Horoscope: You are able to see the benefits along with the potential pitfalls of your current plan, but negative thoughts won't deter you from trying to get ahead now. At first, your friends might wonder if you're playing a game, but as the plot thickens they realize how important your success is to you at this time. Don't back down just because you're worried about what everyone else thinks. For now, persistence is your best guarantee of success.

My Take: First of all. Please be ok Darren Helm. Pretty please. I'm not sure I'm ready for a game where Detroit's faster player, possibly the only person who will consistently out skate the puck, is not available to play. I'm hoping those piece of shit pussy Coyotes haven't taken him out of the game. Because if they haven't, I like this horoscope. Just like Abdelkader, he's determine and he I hope the rest of the team will feed off of this.

And there it is. The short, quick, and dirty player horoscopes for 4/27. As long as the Red Wings decide it is important enough to TRY, we should feel pretty confident. Well, at least thats what I tell myself.

It has to be a Nightmare

Sigh. What the hell kind of god damn bipolar week was that? Seriously. Ups and downs. Moments of brilliance and then a game of utter lackluster play. I'm irritated. And yes, even a little grumpy.

I haven't posted in a few days and I was all set to recap and recount my last Thursday night where I was able to meet Nick Lidstrom, Darren Helm, Tomas Holmstrom, Jimmy Howard oh yes, and more. I even have pictures. And then I was all set to jump into my recap of Game 5 and the awesome time I had with thousands of other Wings fans at watching the Wings beat the Coyotes at home.

But then yesterday happened. Yesterday was a kick to the stomach. That "game" really took the wind out of my sails and well, just throw in any other cliche metaphor you can think of at this point. Where was the effort? The drive, the determination in an elimination game no less. As soon as the power play failed to capitalize on a 5 on 3, the Coyotes scored a shortie, and the pk decided to revert back to habits from November, you knew the game was done.

I can't imagine this team thought it would be a great idea to go to a game 7. I can't imagine they love Phoenix (because who really does?) to such a degree that they felt the need to come back. And I sure as hell can't believe they thought the Coyotes would lie down and take it up the ass in an elimination game.

I've already had to post an open letter begging for a little effort. Begging that if the Wings lose, at least go down while trying. At least show up. I feel a bit dirty having to do so again. So I won't.

They have one last shot on Tuesday. All the other wins, all the other loses, meaningless. It comes down to a single game elimination in fucking Glendale Arizona.

I hope they will remember the cheap shots, dirty plays, and chicken shit behavior displayed by the Phoenix Coyotes. The behavior that made it perfectly clear that even though Doan may not be playing, his influence, encouragement, and legacy of heartless cheap shots lives on.



Helm (please, please be ok)

Yes, use the anger and embarrassment to crush these cheap shot fuckers at home, in front of their bandwagon fans. Help send the fans back to the other sports they usually "follow." And put hockey in the desert back to it's rightful place.

I'll be back later with my look to the stars because I didn't do so before yesterday's game and maybe, just maybe AOL Horoscopes would have been able to give me a heads up for the national abortion I witnessed.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Let's Look to the Stars....Again

So Monday of this week, which by the way feels like ages ago, I did a post regarding the horoscopes of some of our favorite Wings players. The stars seemed to align and foretold of a Wings victory. A positive outcome. So I figured I'd give it a shot again today. I mean what the hell. It's another day without a game and I'll be sure to cherry pick the players as I did before.

Player: Pavel Datsyuk

Sign: Cancer

4/23 Horoscope: You have an extra large supply of will power today and would be wise to put it to good use. Although your communication skills are heightened now, you still could get yourself into a bit of trouble by mixing up your favorite fantasy with the actual truth. Don't trust your perceptions because they may bend reality in your favor. Instead, check out your assumptions by asking a close friend for his or her perspective. You'll have a better sense of what's happening once you have another point of view.

My Take: I don't know about you, but to me, Datsyuk doesn't seem like a guy who spends his day dreaming of finding Gary's secret stash of Sidney Crosby pictures. You know the ones they took last summer vacation where Gary dressed up as the naughty nurse and Crosby the "brooding" doctor. So I'm not too worried about day dreaming taking away from his game on Friday night. Especially when the stars and AOL Horoscopes tell us he has an extra supply of will power. A determined Datsyuk ready to put the upstart Phoenix players in their place. What more could we ask for.

Player: Patrick Eaves

Sign: Taurus

4/23 Horoscope: You aren't as sure that you know exactly what you want even though the Moon's entry into your playful 5th House today boosts your desire for pleasure. Paradoxically, while you have a practical approach to the concept of satisfaction, it becomes more elusive now as you attempt to reach it. But don't give up just because you don't have the clarity you want; your sheer determination will win out in the end.

My Take: While the beginning doesn't make me think of singing puppies and chocolate roses, the end should leave us feeling pretty damn good. The Wings have flown safely into hockey hell. And aside from avoiding getting a sun burn, their only goal, and the only satisfaction they seek while in the Valley of the Sun is knocking Gary's ugly bastard child of a hockey team out of the playoffs. So if the planets, moons, and stars are letting us know that Eaves hard work will win out in the end, I feel good. This has been a redemption season for the kid. Signed for cheap he's added invaluable energy to the lineup. He's beaten both Ville Leino and Jason Williams for a starting spot. When he works hard and wants something, he gets it. Yeah, I like this horoscope.

Player: Niklas Kronwall

Sign: Capricorn

4/23 Horoscope: You have an abundance of creative energy now, yet it's challenging to find an outlet for even the most practical of your ideas. Your actions may not have the positive impact you want, turning your enthusiasm to discouragement. Don't give up, for the clouds of illusion can dissipate suddenly, leaving you with clear vision. If you know what you want, your determination and hard work will eventually pay off.

My Take: Ok so this hasn't been Kronwall's best series. Let's be honest. There have even been flashes and unwanted sightings of KronVall along the way. But, if he keeps a positive attitude and keeps working hard, it should turn around. There was a noticeable improvement last game, perhaps Game 5 will be the breakout he needs. When all the energy and hard work pays off. I'm anticipating a perfectly timed Kronwalled moment.

Player: Brad Stuart

Sign: Scorpio

4/23 Horoscope: You are driven by the idea of accomplishing something very concrete today. However, it's challenging to keep your mind from wandering into the distracting realms of sensual pleasure. As lovely as your fantasies may be now, it's really up to you whether or not to encourage them with your attention. You'll enjoy the present moment more if it contributes to the enduring satisfaction of reaching your goals.

My Take: Ok we get it. Stuart isn't the only person who longing thinks of Karen Newman and her new money makers. I'm pretty sure there's an entire fan club set up over at A2Y, along with a tight election for President. But luckily with the Wings being on the road, the distraction will be gone. He can now focus all of his energy towards reaching his goal of crushing Shane Doan's hopes and dreams once and for all. Because let's be honest, with the dirty way that bastard has played, how wonderful would it be if the Wings organization not only to shat on his Olympic dreams, but also his Stanley Cup aspirations. No sympathy for the head hunter and I'm sure Stuart doesn't have any either.

Player: Jimmy Howard

Sign: Aries

4/23 Horoscope: You look like you are ready to take a risk now in order to get something you have wanted for a while. But beneath your cavalier appearance, you're probably doing more calculations than anyone might realize. When you finally do climb out on a limb, you optimistically believe that you won't fall. To be safe, just make sure you've built your strategy on facts and not false assumptions based on unrealistic fantasies.

My Take: Oh you can be sure our young James wants this more than he does a Champps Restaurant Mile High Pie. (and as a girl who can down one of those by herself, it's a hard dessert to pass up.) Everyone else doubted James, assumed he wouldn't make it in the NHL. Everyone but Jimmy himself. So you can be sure he's done the research and prepared for Game 5. He'll take a risk, but he'll be ready to succeed.

Player: Dan(ny) Cleary

Sign: Sagittarius

4/23 Horoscope: It's important to follow through with your promises at work today, for others are counting on your performance. Although you take your job quite seriously now, it's easy to misinterpret what's expected of you by getting the details mixed up. Listen to your instructions extra carefully, write them down and then double check that you heard them correctly. This might seem like overkill, but it can save you from needlessly wasting time and energy.

My Take: Cleary was put on the top line last game to add some speed and break through the trap. And he certainly accomplished that. Promises and expectations are high. As hard as it may be to understand Datsyuk at times, that will apparently be the key to Cleary's success tomorrow night. Perhaps someone should send him a copy of Russian for Dummies to help him along. But none-the-less I still feel confident about this horoscope.

And there you have it folks. The stars once again lined up and we should feel confident going into Friday's game. Because seriously, what additional reassurance could you possibly need aside from a collection of AOL Horoscopes?

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

I Feel Better this Morning

Well what can I say other than, that was playoff hockey. Intense, sometimes tentative, on your seat, shat your pants, playoff hockey.

Game three reminded me of this video. Things just weren't clicking. The Wings weren't giving it their best effort and the win (or the sandal) was just always out of their reach. (By the way, I love drunk people.)

But tonight they grabbed that win (sandal) by the balls and came up with the victory.

I missed the first period thanks to some fantastic and well thought out scheduling that had the game start at 3:30 Phoenix time. We don't participate in day light savings. And yes everything really is ass backwards here. But during the ride home, at every stop light, safety first, I refreshed my blackberry to find out the score. With every slow refresh, fuck you Verizon, I held my breathe and counted to 10 hoping I wouldn't see the Wings down a goal or two. When I finally arrived home and ran (alright this is me, I walked briskly) to the TV and my computer to find the score still 0-0. The great people at A2Y both assured me the Wings were playing better than Game 3, albeit a bit tentative, and that Jimmy Howard seemed focused and prepared.

Semi-sigh. I wasn't ready to really relax, what with the score being 0-0 and one bad bounce changing the course of the game. But at least the Wings decided not to shit the bed in the first minute. It already felt like progress.

Below are my random and quick thoughts about the game. Work is a nasty bitch today.
  • Immediately in the second period it was clear the Wings forecheck was better. They were hitting through the neutral zone and generating the speed necessary to "solve" the trap. At first I wasn't sure how I felt about Cleary moving to the first line and Homer to the fourth. But now I kinda feel warm and fuzzy about the whole thing.
  • What else helped the forecheck you ask? The long stretch passes they were finally using and connecting to get behind the Phoenix defense. My eyes may be deceiving me, but I believe I even saw Todd Bertuzzi win a foot race and start the cycle. At that point you knew either the Apocalypse was coming or the Wings were going to win.....basically the same scenario either way for Gary.
  • Both teams seemed to be playing a bit tentatively at times. Like they knew this shit was going to be close and the first team to score was basically going to win. The difference, Phoenix looked like they were playing not to lose and Detroit was playing to win. And no, that's not the same thing.
  • The Wings PK went 6 for 6. It was unfuckingbelievable. They even killed a 5 on 3 for 17 seconds after a weak Lilja hooking penalty late in the 3rd. Jimmy was on, Helm, Eaves, Miller, they had that bitch rolling. Fantastic effort and with each kill they deflated the Coyotes just a little bit more.
  • Now being in Phoenix I was forced to listen to the Coyotes feed (I used to like you Dave Strader) so I missed the interesting Lidstrom facts such as his favorite Karaoke song is "Sweet Home Alabama" and if he weren't a hockey player he would be an engineer. One, what a strange song choice for a Swedish hockey player living in Michigan and two, I guarantee he has a fantastic singing voice. Would you expect anything else? Homer probably breaks down into tears of joy each time he hears Lidstrom break out the chorus.
  • Moving right along out of order of course, Howard had possibly the save of the game. Was it his most difficult, probably not. But it was his bad ass move of the night. After taking a shot to the head, his helmet falls off and he still covers up the rebound. I'm pretty sure after game three he would have stopped that puck with his mouth if it came to that point. He wanted the win and the shut out.
  • Jimmy was then rewarded by the bipolar Wings fans and they started a Jim-my, Jim-my chant and gave him the big O. I mean ovation you sick fucks. You know he both peed himself a bit out of excitement and rewarded himself with an entire banana cream pie when he got home.
  • At one point on the bench, Zetterberg looked hurt. He limped off and hung his head in pain. How did I react? Calmly of course. First I threw up in my mouth a little and then I changed the spot I was sitting on the couch. Obviously to realign the fate of the Wings. I think it worked.
  • At the start of the third period, Helm had a big hit and a few great shifts. After a rather blah series so far, he turned it up for this game. I told you, he just needed to adjust to the buzz cut and figure out the aerodynamics of it all. Future engineer Nick Lidstrom probably drew up a diagram and created a powerpoint presentation that morning to help the kid out.
  • I'm still waiting for playoff Franzen to show up. I'm this close to reinstating the face on the milk carton campaign. I would put a crazed picture of playoff Mule on there in hopes someone would find him. Chances are he wandered away, got lost, and is now working as a runaway stripper in some dive bar by the airport. If you see him, please return to Joe Louis Arena ASAP. The Wings and the fans miss him. And yes I know he assisted on Datsyuks goal. And he did have a big hit in the third which caused Tyson Nash to say "wakey, wakey" I still shutter because of that. But aside from that, the only other time I noticed him was when he took a penalty. No questions asked, the Wings need him to start delivering.
  • At the start of the third the Wings seemed to have issues with turning the puck over and I began to fear the Coyotes would take over and dominate. They had some quality scoring chances and their game plan was to shoot high on Howard's stick side. I was just happy they were up 1-0 after the first Zetterberg goal.
  • Favorite part of the game, Zetterberg scoring his second of the night and Datsyuk scoring his first, 25 seconds a part. And that was the game folks.
  • As my friends little kid said, "there were octopuses all over," and the crowd at the Joe was on their feet, screaming, singing, chanting, and cheering the Wings to their victory and Howard to his first career playoff shut out.

It was a white knuckle effort until Zetterberg scored that first goal late in the second. The Wings certainly looked better, but it still wasn't the best we've seen them play this year. With the talent and experience that team still has more to offer. And we should take that in and use it to get through the next 2 days. Because the effort was there. It was finally there. The series is now tied 2-2 and the Wings need to bring it all, the talent, the hard work, the drive on Friday. I feel so much better about going to game 5.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

It's Called Hockey In The Valley...sigh

I've made no secret of the fact that I live in this hockey hell that is Phoenix, Arizona. When the Wings went on their post Olympic run, I hoped and dreamed they would meet Phoenix in the first round. I was selfish. I wanted to see a few playoff games live. So really, it's my own fault that I now have to deal with multiple lame attempts at taunting, having the same question asked over and over by friends and coworkers "what happened to the Wings," multiple versions of dead octopi on my desk, and ultimately, people in the valley finally learning they have a hockey team. So you'll understand why I may or may not be a little, tiny bit bitchy today.

AZ Central is one of the online news sources for Arizona. Today they had a delightful article regarding Shane Doan's injury. The article didn't irritate me really, but the comments were of the ridiculous variety. I pulled out a few of my favorites. Not sure if I should feel badly for these people, laugh at them, or bitch about them....

First Up:

Ahhh band wagon fans and playoff virgins. Clearly they have no idea how playoff injury reporting works or why a team would choose to do this.

geez, thanks for the precise injury report ... now we don't have to speculate on the location, and severity of the injury ... at least it wasn't a lower body injury, heaven forbid ..... k s a 'yotes .....

You're fucking with us right? This isn't the Mighty Ducks.

Though the Coyotes may be without it's captain this team will continue to stick together and get the job done. If it is at all possible, Tippett should have Shane behind the bench. Not to coach, but to be the captain and help push the guys to win the game.

I know in general, I'm not a warm fuzzy, person, so this one, for fucks sake. You have got to be kidding me.

Get well Captain!! You took the wall instead of the goalie, that was classy. The boys will work hard for you and hold down the fort until you can play! Your fans are proud of you and the whole team! Go Coyotes, use those boards in the Joe! :)

This commentator didn't like someone calling their "Captain" a goon. I refuse to make fun of a child...not today anyway

Goon? U R a dope!

Ahh yes, lesson one of the playoffs, always fuck with a winning lineup and put in your lesser talented players.

Glad to have Fiddler back tonight. I'd like to see one of the guys on the sideline activated for tonight (maybe Bissonette, Tikhonov, or Boedker). Those guys have been chomping at the bit and this is a good opportunity to insert one of them.

Yep. I live and work with people who have conversations like this.

It will sting the team, but I truly believe, with their PACK MENTALITY, that this will make the team even more angry, stronger, and provide even higher incentive to go and grab one for their Captain.A wounded Coyote is not a good animal to taunt.GO YOTES!!AWHHHOOOOOOOO!!

I hate that fucking wolf howl.

Pretty Please with Sugar on Top??

So I sat down at my computer this morning at 4:30....yes I have the same schedule as an 80 year old, and had every intention of writing a game preview. While rare for me, I wanted to give it a shot.

But all that I could come up with was the same stuff I have been shouting and bitching about since game one. Better defensive coverage, stop turning the puck over in the neutral zone, puck possession, shoot the DAMN puck...blah blah blah. And since the pit of fear deep in my stomach (the one moving farther and farther up) has me feeling neither jolly or creative, I couldn't really come up with too much else. Perhaps I'll continue my trend and post twice in one day to make up for this piece of shit. Who knows.

Until then, below is my open letter to the Detroit Red Wings. Short, simple, and sweet....just like me. Oh and I'm totally sure they'll read it. (dripping in sarcasm)

Dear Red Wings,

We love you. No really we do. I get it, we can be harsh at times. We can bitch. We can complain. And we can even tear you a new ass hole when things don't go well. But it's only because we care.

You'll remember, that when you're playing to your ability, when you're putting forth a huge effort, so are we. Cheering, chanting, jumping up and down like the drunk psychotic manics you know and love. We do it at the Joe and at arenas throughout the United States and Canada. We ignore the threats from other fans, bathroom confrontations from shemen, and the law to celebrate our team. Win or lose we love our team, we just ask for an effort.

But when you keep bitch slapping us in the face by not putting out the effort we know you can, there are millions of sad faces around the world. Herm in Brazil, Andy in Norway, poor Sully in Phoenix. It's time to turn those frowns upside down.

So tonight, I beg you. Please, please, please, please please, try hard. Please work hard. Please use your skill and talent. Please crush this piece of shit talentless team that is now cocky enough thinking they deserve to beat the Detroit Red Wings. Please put their "fans" back where they belong, rooting for the Suns or the Diamondbacks.

Just please try hard tonight. That's all we ask. Just for the effort. Just for the emotion and pure desire to crush and destroy Shane Doan and his pack of puppy dog bitches. Because when that efforts there, it will pump up that crowd at the Joe. The crowd of thousands cheering you along attempting to will you to win. Holding their breathe at every odd man rush and losing their shit each time you score.

Please just try. For the fans.

Hugs and kisses,

The #1 fans

Monday, April 19, 2010

Let's Look to the Stars

Today's been, well, it's been sort of depressing if we're going to be honest here. There's some anger, doom, gloom, and some serious Coyote ass kissing going on. So I've had enough. Whenever things make me sad, I know it's time to turn to the nonsensical and ridiculous.

So if you are looking for anything actually related to hockey, first of all why are you here? And second, you should probably stop reading, right about now. Because below I have pulled tomorrow's horoscopes for some of our favorite Red Wings. Perhaps to give us some insight into what game 4 will bring.

Now I know what you are thinking. I'm a crazy bitch and how could horoscopes really give us a look into the future. Well, with the way Jobu fucked us, the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde split personalities this team seems to have, and the fact that I only picked players with horoscopes that made me happy, it should be pretty accurate. I know, that's some sound logic right there.

So here we go:

Player: Jimmy Howard

Sign: Aries

4/20 Horoscope: There's no need to pretend that you have everything under control today. In fact the more you try to hide your lack of confidence, the more transparent you will be. But you have a chance now to turn your shortcomings into strengths if you are willing to go out on a limb and admit your fears. Instead of appearing foolish by covering up what everyone already knows, get your concerns out into the open. Others will be willing to support you if they know you are being honest.

My Take: It's time for Jimmy to tell his teammates he needs some fucking support and that his rebounds look juicier to the Coyotes than Crosby's ass does to Bettman. Perhaps this will open their eyes, they'll start covering the lanes, forwards will begin backchecking, and they'll finally breakout of the defensive zone without immediately turning the puck over. All of that may in fact happen if Jimmy admits his shortcomings...hmmm it's either that or he needs to tell them where Osgood has hidden his mojo. Either one seems feasible.

Player: Johan Franzen

Sign: Capricorn

4/20 Horoscope: Remaining sensitive to other people's needs today can be the key to your current happiness. It's not that you are co-dependent; it's just that your life is truly intertwined with those closest to you and you don't live in a vacuum. Although you might prefer to avoid an overly emotional meltdown, sticking with a discussion about your feelings can lead to revitalizing a troubled relationship.

My Take: I think this really points us to the reason for Franzen's current poor level of play. He's having a fight with Homer. Once again, Holmstrom went on a crazed Swedish candy sugar high and stole Franzen's video tape (not DVD) of Saturday Night Fever. Not only was Franzen's pregame ritual thrown off, but he also can't stand the sight of that stinky figured man. If they sit down, have a good chat, and work it out, playoff Mule should return.

Player: Pavel Datsyuk

Sign: Cancer

4/20 Horoscope: It's not easy to cover up your feelings today, even if you attempt to hide behind your shell. But paradoxically, your worries can morph into your greatest strengths now; if you embrace them you'll be able to overcome the obstacles they portend. But if you make believe that everything is fine, your fears can grow and complicate your day even further.

My Take: Fanfuckingtastic. Datsyuk is one player who generally seems pissed when he loses. So I like this horoscope. Take the fears of going down 3-1 to Gary's second favorite team, and use them to make the series even. So if we go off this Wings fans, we're fine. No really. AOL Horoscopes told me so....

Player: Patrick Eaves

Sign: Taurus

4/20 Horoscope: The Sun's return to your sign today marks the beginning of your birthday month. You would be wise to reconsider your priorities and allow time for both work and play. Your well of energy is deeper now, so putting in a little extra effort on the job should pay off. But don't forget about giving yourself enough time to relax. Maintaining your health is easier when physical activity is offset by sufficient rest.

My Take: Patrick Eaves has been one player, consistently trying and give 110 every night. So the fact that our psychic friends are telling us he can do more. That's great news. And perhaps he could even do a little transference and give some of that energy to say Bertuzzi or Ericisson. You know to share the wealth and spread the effort out.

Player: Henrik Zetterberg

Sign: Libra

4/20 Horoscope: You are motivated to take care of others today, but you might not be willing to stop with your family. You may choose to carry your loving and nurturing energy out into your community or workplace. Just be careful that your desire to enhance the lives of those around you could be taken too far. Don't stick your nose into business that's not your concern or you could be perceived as a manipulative person when you only meant to help.

My Take: This horoscope is two fold. First, he's going to help his teammates out of this collective funk because it smells worse than Shane Doan after.....oh for fucks sake forget. Second, he's going to help the Coyotes remember their place. And sure, they'll resent it. Perhaps they'll hate our future Captain for trying to show them the light. Maybe they'll even be a little butt sore, but too damn bad. Better they learn the lesson now.

Alright this could go on for awhile,but I think it's safe to say we should feel relatively confident. The horoscopes and the stars are lining up. The players should be all set for this must win game. We now have sufficient evidence. Just don't read about the Aquarius. That sign doesn't seem to excited about careers for tomorrow....

Yep. This season has officially caused me to lose my fucking mind.

Don't Drop the Octopus

That weekend was full of more emotional highs and lows that a teenage girl who just got her first period. Yes I went there. I'm all sorts of pissed off and bitchy so why the hell not. Yes I still am. So let me begin with the highs before I delve deep into self pitty and depression.

Friday night was awesome. My first playoff game ended exactly how I had hoped. With a Red Wings win. Myself, my husband, and a few friends met up with Sully, Calquake, and Mike Serven. Fantastic people all around. We had a great time. I have been indoctrinating my Arizona friends for years now. I've made them Wings fans. So when my one friend showed up in a red shirt with something in Swedish written across the front, I decided my transformation was complete. Unfortunately, later in the evening, we learned google translator is not the best source for accurate Swedish phrases. Some Swedish guy we met at a bar basically told her that her shirt said she was ready for a gang bang, or something along those lines. Anyway, definitely not what it was supposed to say.

But aside from the t-shirt foul and Sully nearly getting gang banged in a Glendale jail, the night was a resounding success. Sully has his write up at NOHS. There's really not much more I can add to this. Nothing to say except that Wings fans are awesome people. When else would you feel totally comfortable meeting up with people from the Internet knowing full well you would have a great time? So thanks to Calquake, Serven, and Sully for adding to my first playoff game experience.

And this is the spot where I had every intention of writing about how I can't wait to go to the game on Friday. How much fun that will be and yada yada yada. But quite frankly right now I'm too scared for that shit. I'm petrified that it could be a must win situation. I'm terrified that the Coyotes could be up 3 to 1 in the series and I will publicly make a fool of myself while dropping to the fetal position and peeing my pants. I'm 25, that shit just isn't acceptable anymore.

I don't understand what the hell was going on yesterday. Who was that shit brick of a team? That team that put out 50 percent of an effort and decided that was enough. How can a fully stocked Red Wings team lose to the fucking Coyotes...who were missing Fiddler and Doan? And most importantly, how can I care about the outcome of this series more than a professional athlete?

How is that we fans live and breathe the game. Have our moods altered, stress out during every odd man rush, every Jimmy Howard rebound, every turn over in the neutral zone, and the Wings players show little to no emotion? Can they show they care, just a little bit? Show a bit more effort. Something anything.

It's one thing to lose when the Wings put out their best effort. It's another thing entirely to lose when they seem to be hardly trying. Especially in the second and third periods. Yes, yes intent to blow came back to butt fuck them, but again, it shouldn't have been an issue. The Wings are responsible for allowing a goal within the first minute, for allowing the Coyotes to get comfortable at the Joe, in front of their fans. Fans who have been loyal through all the ups and downs of this fucktastic season. And that's how you were repaid folks. With that performance on a Sunday afternoon.

Below are a few other thoughts about the game. And just a few. I'm trying to remain positive. Trying to look at the fact that the Wings lost 2 games in the first round in 1998, 2002, and 2008. Trying to convince myself that everything will be alright. It doesn't help when it looks like they want a longer summer.
  • Jimmy Howard. He hasn't played terrible, but he's appeared average. Not the game stealer, ass saver we watched during the regular season. At 26, and with 5 years of professional hockey experience, I assumed he would be fine during the playoffs, but he seems off. That swagger that fuck you attitude, well it seems to be gone. Granite that may be due to the fact that his teammates have left him out to dry on multiple occasions, but he should be used to that by now. We need Jimmy to pull his shit together.
  • Franzen. Is he hurt? Is it a knee issue? Does someone have to tell him that Shane Doan is really Patrick Kane in a fugly cheap mask? Something anything to get him pissed off and fired up. Where the fuck is playoff Mule? He seems slow, he's avoiding driving the net, and he's not backchecking like the beast we all know and love. Yes he had an amazing goal last game, but that's it. The Wings need more from him.
  • Abdelkader. Fantastic game. Not only is he hitting, but he's backchecking, registering take aways at the perfect times, providing much needed energy, and stealing your girlfriend. If everyone on the team would give the effort Abby is giving, well I wouldn't be all bitchy this morning.
  • Kronwall. Did he and Mule decide to slowly kill us all together? Perhaps Babcock needs to put a curfew on their late night sleepovers/gab sessions/ hair braiding extravaganzas, because they both seem tried. I don't really want to talk about it.
  • Homer. Hi yes Red Wings, he is most effective when he sets up shop in front of the net. But remember, that's two fold. Some shots need to make it to the net for him to do his job. Without that, he just looks like a cheap whore rubbin his ass on some guy in a club.
  • Darren Helm. I feel dirty. I feel bad even thinking this shit let alone typing it. I'm scared Herm's going to fly from Brazil to come here and bitch slap me. But what's up with Helm? He isn't using his speed to create space and opportunities and he seems to have inherited Lebda's puck handling ability. It must be due to his new buzz cut throwing off his aerodynamics. There is no other explanation.

I could honestly go on and on. Discuss the theory of putting a Team USA t-shirt underneath Rafalski's Red Wings sweater in order to trick him into playing well. I could develop a plan to put super glue or some other sticky substance on Al's hands so he never fucking drops an Octopus again. We could all discuss the options of the best way to scare the shit out of Bertuzzi to the point that he will never do that damn spin o rama during an odd man rush again. Anything.

But what it comes down to is simple. The Wings third and fourth lines were their best. The first two need to step up and dominate. And every single Wings player needs to put out 110% effort. If that doesn't start, its going to be a long, long summer. Tuesday is as must win as them come. A loss is not an option. Flying back to hockey hell down 3-1 is a death sentence. A fate worse than a night in Gary's basement, ok maybe not, but you get what I'm saying.

They need to dig deep and decide if they want this, if they really want to begin another quest for the cup. Because right now, they don't seem too sure. Right now they don't seem to want it.

I'm hoping to be back later this afternoon with sunshine and rainbows shooting out my ass, something a bit more positive.

Friday, April 16, 2010

It's Finally Here

Holy shit was that not the longest Thursday ever? For fucks sake during points of the day I began counting down the minutes until Friday. Productivity be damned apparently.

At least mserven posted a smorgasbord of pictures on twitter from his day at the Wings practice. I told myself I would attempt to push aside any jealous feelings but I just can't. That lucky bitch was able to see Stevie Y and some impromptu soccer. I'm promising myself I'll go to the practice before game 5.

So tonight's game 2. It's also the night I lose my playoff game virginity. Wait that sounds weird. Nevermind. Anyway, moving on, I'll finally be attending my first Wings playoff game. Myself and some friends will have the distinct pleasure of meeting up with Sully, Serven, and Calquake. Awesome. Should be a fantastic time. We have an IV bag full of beer and a nurse on hand ready to hook Sully up. The only remaining question, do I rock the Feed the Mule t-shirt or the Dangle is full of really fucking hard decisions.

Moving along to some pregame nonsense. In my post game rant or whatever the hell that was, I mentioned that I may or may not have had some animosity for JWilly. I also begged or bitched, not sure which one, that Abdelkader be put in the line up. Well my wishes were answered. Tonight Abby or Gator or Abdekaldkfjelkjsfsdk will make his triumphant return to the 4th line. I'm women enough to admit I nearly peed my pants with excitement over the thought that someone other than Helm or Stuart will be in the line up willing to spend much of his shift hitting Coyotes. Yes this Michigan State Alumnus knows his role and you can be damn sure he wants that spot in the line up and will work to keep it. Williams can sit his ass down and enjoy the Phoenix sun and his fatty pay check. I'm just asking for one big, yet clean hit on Shane Doan. Send a message early.

In other news, when John Keating isn't busy lusting over Lilja he spends his time writing. He's a multi-tasker like that. Yesterday he wrote this piece. (via Snapshots) The only way this whole bandwagon nonsense could have been wrapped more concisely is if Larry Murphy himself became a writer.

In this bandwagon world in which we live, this town, which didn't give a lizard's behind about hockey for awhile, at least for now, is on board. The arena was filled for a playoff game, they had that Whiteout idea left over from a previous incarnation as Winnipeg Jets and, for a change, the majority seemed to be rooting for the home team and not the Red Wings. Winning seems to fix things.

While they finished ahead of Detroit in the conference standings, there is this feeling that the Wings are the favorites. This is Rocky meets Slap Shot here. Their regular season had the Coyotes feeling all giddy, and some of the populace actually might have become fans.

It's a reminder of how good we have it in Detroit. Where passion doesn't have to be artificially created. Where traditions live and continue from a generation to the next. It could be argued that Detroit was much darker than the situation here in Phoenix back in the mid-80's, but we had Howe and Delvecchio and Sawchuk and Abel -- history to call upon -- and knew that better days were ahead.

Phoenix had Gretzky for a minute, but it was an odd fit and actually contributed to the soap opera here.

Now that they're winning, there is a buzz here in the Valley of the Sun. But it will last only as long as they're winning. Which is living on a hockey edge. The Wings will have something to say about, not just the Coyotes season, but their very literal future.

Boom roasted.

Drew over at Nightmare on Helm Street said it best:

I'm still thinking that we've already seen the best that Phoenix has to offer.

Exactly. And Detroit, well last game was some of the worst they have to offer. So in the bright sunshine of this Friday morning, here's how I see it. If Phoenix's best can only beat Detroit's worst by one goal and multiple advantages awarded by the refs, I'm feeling good about a 7 game series. Now I still firmly believe it is pertinent to split these first two games, but it's not the end all be all for this team.

A few keys to tonight's game in typical bullet point fashion.
  • Win some damn faceoffs in the defensive zone. Enough said.
  • Kronwall, Stuart, Abdelkader need to set the tone early with some good, hard, CLEAN hits
  • Everyone knows what the Phoenix game plan is. Play physical. (also known as play like the Ducks and injure as many Red Wings players as possible in hopes of depleting their line up enough to win) Sure the refs will let a bunch of cheap and dirty shit go, but they have to (crossing my fingers) call something. Make them pay on the powerplay. And for fucks sake, bring back the post Olympic PP units. Please, pretty please.
  • Franzen, our big red headed friend, needs to drive the goddamn net. Please. Whatever it was he was doing on Friday, well he needs to flip that shit around and reverse it. I think it's time that Phoenix (fans and players) meet playoff Mule first hand.
  • Nick Lidstrom. Apparently he's still a little perturbed that "Filppula" was able to highstick him and get away with it. Let's just sit back and see how the Perfect Human responds.
  • James Howard. Yes Jimmy and his beer gut will be called upon once again. He played well in his first game and I anticipate him doing so again. As always with young James, rebound control will be key. But we really can't blame him for the massive bounces the puck takes. The puck is really just trying to get away from his crazy fucking eyes.
  • Tomas Holmstrom's ass. Other teams hate it, Wings fans love it. I'm quite sure in a past life he was a high paid stripper. And the Wings will be looking for him to use all of those skills tonight as he backs that ass up on Brydfjslfjsdklj.
  • Control through the neutral zone.
  • Set the tempo and come out strong from the first whistle. Drill Bryaldsjfsldj with shot after shot and get the lead and control of the game. Take the refs and Shane Doan's goonery out of the equation. If the Wings play their game, they can beat their two opponents.

Works busy and I'm almost too excited to write anything coherent. So I'll just end with this, it's a big game, in some ways a must win. No one on that team wants to go back to Detroit down two games. The Wings have been playing in must win situations for 2 months now. James knows how to respond, Zetterberg, Datsyuk, they get, Lidstrom is preparing his troops, it should be a hell of a game.

I'll be there surrounded by some bandwagon fans in white, but also with some hard core Wings fans cheering on our team. I had every intention of making a sign to take to the game. Although I quickly realized I am neither witty or creative and am at a loss for ideas. I also have spent an obscene amount of time trying to figure out how to put the sign down my pants if they won't let me take it into I have a plan. So if anyone has thoughts or ideas for a sign, I'm all ears.

It's game two after a serious wake up call. I'm fired up and I think the Wings are too. I'll try to post again before the game, but if not, I'll be back tomorrow with pictures and LGRW.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Well that was Painful

Hi excuse me. Excuse me....Hi yes, I have a question. Yes the short person up front with her hand politely fucking raised, yes I have a question.

Where the fuck did the post Olympic Red Wings team go?

And more importantly who's balltastic idea was it to ice the pre-Olympic Red Wings team?

I'd like to speak to the person or persons, no I promise I'll be's just that last night was such a clusterfuck of insanity. It blew my fucking mind. After being stuck at work from 4am to 8pm I arrive home and was awarded with that. No, no. Not acceptable.

I really don't want to talk about the shit fest of last night, but I will. I'll also try to remember Drew's Twitter advice that you're not in trouble until you lose on home ice. I'm trying here fuckers. Nameste.
  • So first things first. I didn't know that Doan and Pronger were long lost cousins. I suppose that explains why he's such a dirty little fucker. (editors note, not in a good way) Seriously, I lost track of the number of dirty hits with intent to injure. He often left his feet, he hit Kronwall high while also punching him in the head, he hit Cleary while a teammate had him tied up, he went after Homer after the whistle...the list goes on and on and on. I get playoff intensity, and I like it. But dirty hits which could injure multiple players on multiple occasions, well that just makes Doan a stinky pussy. I'm guessing this was all allowed because Gary, their creepy uncle that watches them in the shower, was in the stands.
  • But this does lead me to my next point. Yes the Coyotes got a way with near murder. Yes they looked like the Flyers baby brother after a 17 hour crack binge. But the Wings made the decision to stop skating. The Wings made the decision to sit back, occasionally scramble through the neutral zone, and essentially be completely thrown off their game because they knew illegal dangerous hits were coming. Not acceptable. That's where Stuart and Kronwall need to start laying some players out. Shift the momentum.
  • Another question, so when did Franzen decide to play with the toughness of a 3 year old ballerina? Wait, I take that back. My sister, the ballet dancer, will kick my ass for that comment. A ballerina would have drove the net more than Franzen did last night.
  • Can we discuss the high stick that for some fucking reason wasn't called? To make the whole situation even better, they did blow the whistle while the Wings were on the rush. Awesome. Thanks for the ass raping. Now Harry Potter nerds don't shit a brick if I get this wrong. I've only seen the movies. But in them I seem to remember something about unicorn blood giving extra powers but also stealing your soul? Something like that. We'll we already know Doan and company sold their soul and perhaps other body parts, I'm not judging, to Gary last summer. But now they've also made the perfect human bleed. Sure it may have temporarily given them an edge, but the repercussions could be severe. You may remember a team in the Western Conference Finals that speared Lidstrom's ball...yeah see how well that worked out for those fuckers. Lidstrom was apparently slightly irritated when the refs told him they thought it was Fil's stick. Of all my years watching the Wings I've never seen The Perfect Human mad. So enjoy it now Phoenix, you just pissed off the wrong Swede.
  • But all jokes aside, how was that missed? It was a game changing moment. If Gary hadn't had the refs balls in his purse, I mean satchel, and they made the correct call, the Wings would have been on a 5 on 3.....hmmmmm my tinfoil hat is telling me this smells strongly of the Malkin incident of '09.
  • Next question, where the fuck did the PK go? Seriously one of the worst power play units in the league went 3 for 3. Unacceptable.
  • Did anyone else poop their pants, just a little, when Datsyuk was driven hard into the net?
  • Who wants to bet we see Abdelkader on Friday? Anyone, any takers? Jason Williams can sit the fuck down, I've had enough of him. People strongly disagreed with me when I called for him to be traded. But come on. He was a fourth liner being paid 1.5 million and was completely worthless. He can take his right handed point shot and suck on it. Get Abby out there and have him drill Doan. At least that Michigan State boy will hit, and will do so legally I might add.
  • Darren Helm went from "the kill" to nearly being killed. For fucks sake, I hope he keeps his head up a little more next game.
  • Datsyuk and Zetterberg will need to bring a lot more intensity next game and set the pace for their team.

Blah. That game was just all sorts of wrong. It was like finding out that your parents really do have sex. Just awful. Sure the officiating was atrocious. Did it have an affect on the game, absolutely. Sure Shane Doan is a disgusting pussy booger that needs to be put in his place. But the real reason for the loss lies with the Wings. They were out worked, out hustled, and out played by an inferior but hungrier team. They need to take this as their one and only wake up call and get back to puck possession hockey on Friday. Control the tempo and they control the game. I'm hoping they come out and light Phoenix up on Friday. I'll be at the game, getting heckled by jack asses in white, and hope to see Abdelkader and company come out flying.

You don't make the perfect human bleed and get off lightly....

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

It Begins Today

And it's finally here. Game one of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. I'm as giddy as a school girl who just talked to her first big crush. The playoffs are always so exciting. But I'm not sure what it is about this year, that makes it feel even more thrilling. Maybe it's finally being so close to the action with the Wings being in town. Maybe it's finally going to my first playoff game. Perhaps it's the 2 month long push the Wings went on to achieve their 19th straight playoff appearance. But chances are, each year the playoffs feel like this, you just forget until the second season, or real season begins.

I started writing a pregame but wasn't sure really where to begin or where to take it. There are many incredibly talented Wings bloggers out there who will do a far better job than I could have. Instead I wanted to focus a bit on quotes from the Wings players themselves as well as clips that show the history and legacy of this Original 6 Franchise.

There has been a lot of smack talk from the new found Coyotes fans and media. Calling Detroit fans douche bags or demanding that Michigan transplants abandon our team to jump on the latest trend. Well just as I refuse to wear leggings I refuse to cheer for the Coyotes.

Below are a few clips from one of my favorite books "What it Means to be a Red Wing." This is why Wings fans remain Red Wings fans for life.

"Every time I put on the Red Wings jersey and see the wheel and the wing, I know I'm ready to go. It goes right through you. It's a great honor to be a Red Wing." - Tomas Holmstrom

"Being a Detroit Red Wing is being a part of a franchise with a long storied history. The winged wheel- putting that on is special when you think about all the players who played in it and the tradition. The one thing I love about the Red Wings is they stay true to their path, especially in terms of their uniform. You feel the history of being an Original Six team. That's an honor. There are two types of teams in the National Hockey League- there's an Original Six team and there's not. You either get to experience it or you don't. The Red Wings had that great uniform, and I always like pulling on the sweater."- A surprisingly coherent Larry Murphy

"My first season we were playing in Los Angeles and we were winning 3-2, but I made a bad play and they scored to send it to overtime. In overtime, I tried to pass to Igor, and Ziggy Palffy stole the puck and scored to win the game. I had just given up two goals! I was so mad on the bus. I wanted someone to tell me it was a bad play and I can't play like that, but no one told me anything. Igor was sitting next to me and I asked him, 'Why isn't anyone telling me how bad I was?' He told me to forget about it and think about tomorrows game; that was what the other guys were doing. It was hard to change my mindset from Russia, where I would always think about what happened in the previous game until the next game started. Igor taught me how to move on; that in the NHL, you learn from your past mistakes, but you leave them behind you."- Pavel Datsyuk

The experience this team and these players have gained not only from their multiple playoff runs but also what was passed down from the greats before them is invaluable. It's a proud tradition Datsyuk, Lidstrom, Zetterberg, and others have been and will continue to pass down to the young guys on the team. This is the experience people discuss when the playoffs roll around. This can be a difference maker.

"It wasn't until the next year, when we played Anaheim, that I really understood what the playoffs were all about and what it meant to play for the Stanley Cup."- Pavel Datsyuk

Phoenix is going to be a tough team. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Detroit will face a hot goalie and a young group of guys with nothing to lose and everything to gain. Every playoff cliche that scares the shit out of me is rolled up into the this Phoenix team. But the playoffs are a unique experience that can't be understood by a team until they get there.

"Being a Detroit Red Wing is about being around the organization and all the players who play here. It's about getting the chance to meet all the great Red Wings legends, like when Ted Lindsay and Mr. Hockey come down to the rink. To be able to tell my children and grandchildren one day that I was a part of that tradition is unbelievable."- Henrik Zetterberg

"Being a Red Wing is a great honor. To be a part of the tradition of this organization, looking up at the rafters at Joe Louis Arena, and then meeting Ted Lindsay and Gordie Howe is so gratifying. It's such a classy organization. I love playing at Joe Louis Arena. I think it's the best rink to play at in the league. I like the ice; I like the fans, even though if we're not playing well we're going to hear it. But when the fans are on you're side, they're the greatest fans in the NHL. They are a lot of fun to play in front of."- Nicklas Lidstrom

It's almost here, game one. The 19th year.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Oh, Well Now I'm Convinced

Alright so this little pathetic attempt at persuasion (via Drew at Nightmare On Helm Street) made me giggle today. And yes, shut up, giggling is perfectly acceptable even if you are over the age of 9.

If you are a transplant from Michigan, hockey is in your DNA. But you live in Arizona, and chances are, you've grown to love what the Valley has to offer. Well, part of the landscape is a hockey team struggling for survival. So do the right thing. Keep the Red Wings sweater in the closet, and cheer for the home team. Just this once.

He's fucking with us right? Come on there is no way in hell he thinks his argument is going to win over even the most lackadaisical Wings fan, let along someone like myself who has religiously watched, stressed over, and cheered for the Winged Wheel since I can remember. I mean, what I am supposed to do? Thank him and run to the nearest Sports Authority to purchase a Shane Doan white jersey and join the masses of uninformed bandwagon fans who just now realized the Coyotes didn't move to Canada last summer? I don't think so.

I've lived in Arizona for nearly 3 years and most, not all, but most sports fans in this state are all the same. Until the team is doing fantastic, until they are in the playoffs, it's as if they don't exist. We've seen it with the Suns, with the Cardinals at the Superbowl, and now, apparently it is time to jump on the Coyotes bandwagon.

Where was this call for loyalty and support during the Save the Coyotes rally this summer? Where were all of these supposed die hard fans before? I'm pretty sure most were not standing in the heat waving "I Love Shane Doan" signs. (And I keep referring to Shane Doan, because honestly, most fans here probably couldn't name 5 Coyotes players.) Let's be honest, my nieces first birthday had a bigger turnout than that rally.

But now all of us proud Michiganders forced to live else where due to a tough economic climate, are supposed to turn our back on the team we've loved and cheered for, in order to support a struggling team and assist their bandwagon fan base....not going to happen with this blogger.

I'm a proud Red Wings fan. Win or lose. I support this team, this organization no matter where I live. An organization and team that I can be proud of. A team and organization that gets it, not only with their system on the ice, but with their fans as well. Look at the support received during H2H, and compare that to the league run team that can't recognize the validity of the grassroots Throw the Snake campaign. Thanks, but I'm a loyalist and I'll stick with my team. The new Coyotes fans can instead enjoy the money the Wings players and the Wings organization are forced to give in order to fund teams like the Coyotes where fans only show up when things are going well.

I'll be at the game Friday with a group of Wings fans, proudly wearing our Red Wings attire. Proudly starting a LGRW chant.

In the mean time, I'd like to thank the writer at AZ Central for the Tuesday afternoon giggle. He must have limited experience with Hockeytown fans.

Who knew that playing Phoenix in the first round could be so damn entertaining?

Monday, April 12, 2010

Oh it's like Christmas Morning

Yeah so yesterday was pretty fucking awesome. This morning I still feel like a little girl on Christmas morning who woke up to find the cute pony she had been wanting for years. I even weighed my options on the repercussions for wearing my Red Wings t-shirt underneath my suit jacket to work. Yes folks, this rebel said dress codes be damned.

Yesterday was another day where the Wings put their baby brother in his place. They came out, and while playing some rather uninspired hockey, James Howard shut the "offensive power" of Chicago down, and the Wings beat those cocky little fuckers putting them squarely in their place before the playoffs. Yes Detroit was badly out played, Chicago had two lucky goals, and the Wings still won in overtime, off a Brad Stuart goal no less. Sorry Chi Town, that's how the model franchise takes care of their business. You know the team that at one point was in 11th place after being decimated by injuries, but came back, took 5th place in the conference, and crushed your dreams of taking the Western Conference. That ideal match up against Colorado, not going to happen. Enjoy Nashville bitches.

But my excitement is not only the result of Chicago's despair. No it's also because the Wings will be playing Gary's second favorite team. Now I know what you're thinking. This isn't probably the best match up. A hot goalie, a young energetic and determined team with nothing to lose...but I'm sorry, for purely selfish reasons, I am excited to see them play Phoenix. That's right, this blogger has never been to a playoff game and it's about damn time that changes. Sully has promised to sell his body to his friends with connections in an attempt to find us some playoff tickets. Either way, I'll be there. And apparently I'll be dealing with some hostile angry, and still confused Coyotes fans.

Andy and Fightnight at the Joe had the link to this little ditty:

Time to BRING IT. It's official now that we'll be facing the Detroit Red Wings in the first round of the playoffs. We know what that means. No, not that we have to deal with a well coached team. No, not that they have good goaltending we have to beat. No, not that we have to pummel Tomas Holstrom about the head until he gets his ass out of the crease without getting called for interference. Rather it means we have to deal with their annoying, know-it-all, douchebag fans thinking they can come into OUR HOUSE and thinking they can run things. To that end i'm asking for you to step it up for the playoffs and do the following things.

It's ok I know exactly what he means by douche bag know it all fans. I have been in Phoenix for almost 3 years now and have attended every Red Wings game. And he's right. Detroit fans are stuch sticklers for knowledge. We "pretend" to know everything. Like for example there are three periods in a game. Five skaters. And we at the minimum have a general understanding of the rulebook. And since the gentlemen at Five for Howling likes to make lists, let me make one outlining the amazing experiences I've had with those "polite" Phoenix fans.

  1. During my first game at Arena, the classy girl sitting behind me, with the high heels and the pink jersey that was cut down the middle to display her surgically enhanced "assets" proceeded to bitch the entire game to her boyfriend who spent more time on his blackberry than watching the game, about how boring hockey was, and she doesn't get it, and how many quarters are there?
  2. No seriously, every event in Phoenix, whether it be a Suns game, the Waste Management Open, or a Coyotes game is more of a fashion show for the wanna be millionaires. They spend more time running for their next glass of wine than they do paying attention to the game.
  3. This year, there was a delightful older gentlemen (who should have known better) who kept screaming periodically about the Wings having too many men on the ice. I counted, I had my friends count, 5 skaters and one goalie. What the fuck confused him?
  4. And don't get me started on the fact that the concept of an icing blows their mind. EVERY game I've been to, I've either heard one fan explaining it to another, or heard a fan bitching about a play stating it should have been an icing penalty. Yes they called it an icing penalty....
  5. Off sides. Don't even try. If they can't understand an icing, off side is far too advanced. Many times when the refs call a play off side, the boos and hissing begin and they yell "what was the penalty for?" I usually shake my head in disgust at this point and grab another beer in hopes of drowning out their stupidity.
  6. Now in that list they also mention the classless douchebag Wings fans while simultaneously threatening to beat us up or throw paint on us. I'll ignore the irony and instead give you an example of the wonderful fans I've encountered while at Well while attending one game, I had the privilege to sit next to a friendly women and her probably 4 or 5 year old son. I immediately was given the stank eye and decided this should be fun. Half way through the first, the little boy taps me on the shoulder gives me the finger and says the Red Wings suck. Awesome.
  7. And I haven't even mentioned the offer I received to fight another fan in the bathroom. Yes that's right, I was wearing my Feed The Mule t-shirt washing my hands when a "women" and I use that term very loosely, walked up and told me to get the fuck out of her bathroom. I said "excuse me?" She said we don't want any fucking Red Wings fans around here. Now, I'm not one for fighting, I'm little, I can be scrappy, but really not too luckily, another Wings fan stepped in and those two had an all out screaming bitch fight.

But none of that really matters I suppose, because every time I've gone to a game, I've been surrounded by more Wings fans than Coyotes fans. The LGRW chant is louder than that damn wolf howl. The Coyotes and their fans are cocky and I like it. Stay that way, because the mother fucking Red Wings are coming to town, to crush your hope and Gary's hopes in one swoop. Double the pleasure.

So bring it on bitches. I'll be there in my RED yes RED Dangle Dangle shirt watching Datsyuk, Zetterberg, Franzen, Helm, Eaves, Lidstrom, Kronwall, make Shane Doan and company whimper all the way to the golf course.