Monday, April 12, 2010

Oh it's like Christmas Morning

Yeah so yesterday was pretty fucking awesome. This morning I still feel like a little girl on Christmas morning who woke up to find the cute pony she had been wanting for years. I even weighed my options on the repercussions for wearing my Red Wings t-shirt underneath my suit jacket to work. Yes folks, this rebel said dress codes be damned.

Yesterday was another day where the Wings put their baby brother in his place. They came out, and while playing some rather uninspired hockey, James Howard shut the "offensive power" of Chicago down, and the Wings beat those cocky little fuckers putting them squarely in their place before the playoffs. Yes Detroit was badly out played, Chicago had two lucky goals, and the Wings still won in overtime, off a Brad Stuart goal no less. Sorry Chi Town, that's how the model franchise takes care of their business. You know the team that at one point was in 11th place after being decimated by injuries, but came back, took 5th place in the conference, and crushed your dreams of taking the Western Conference. That ideal match up against Colorado, not going to happen. Enjoy Nashville bitches.

But my excitement is not only the result of Chicago's despair. No it's also because the Wings will be playing Gary's second favorite team. Now I know what you're thinking. This isn't probably the best match up. A hot goalie, a young energetic and determined team with nothing to lose...but I'm sorry, for purely selfish reasons, I am excited to see them play Phoenix. That's right, this blogger has never been to a playoff game and it's about damn time that changes. Sully has promised to sell his body to his friends with connections in an attempt to find us some playoff tickets. Either way, I'll be there. And apparently I'll be dealing with some hostile angry, and still confused Coyotes fans.

Andy and Fightnight at the Joe had the link to this little ditty:

Time to BRING IT. It's official now that we'll be facing the Detroit Red Wings in the first round of the playoffs. We know what that means. No, not that we have to deal with a well coached team. No, not that they have good goaltending we have to beat. No, not that we have to pummel Tomas Holstrom about the head until he gets his ass out of the crease without getting called for interference. Rather it means we have to deal with their annoying, know-it-all, douchebag fans thinking they can come into OUR HOUSE and thinking they can run things. To that end i'm asking for you to step it up for the playoffs and do the following things.

It's ok I know exactly what he means by douche bag know it all fans. I have been in Phoenix for almost 3 years now and have attended every Red Wings game. And he's right. Detroit fans are stuch sticklers for knowledge. We "pretend" to know everything. Like for example there are three periods in a game. Five skaters. And we at the minimum have a general understanding of the rulebook. And since the gentlemen at Five for Howling likes to make lists, let me make one outlining the amazing experiences I've had with those "polite" Phoenix fans.

  1. During my first game at Arena, the classy girl sitting behind me, with the high heels and the pink jersey that was cut down the middle to display her surgically enhanced "assets" proceeded to bitch the entire game to her boyfriend who spent more time on his blackberry than watching the game, about how boring hockey was, and she doesn't get it, and how many quarters are there?
  2. No seriously, every event in Phoenix, whether it be a Suns game, the Waste Management Open, or a Coyotes game is more of a fashion show for the wanna be millionaires. They spend more time running for their next glass of wine than they do paying attention to the game.
  3. This year, there was a delightful older gentlemen (who should have known better) who kept screaming periodically about the Wings having too many men on the ice. I counted, I had my friends count, 5 skaters and one goalie. What the fuck confused him?
  4. And don't get me started on the fact that the concept of an icing blows their mind. EVERY game I've been to, I've either heard one fan explaining it to another, or heard a fan bitching about a play stating it should have been an icing penalty. Yes they called it an icing penalty....
  5. Off sides. Don't even try. If they can't understand an icing, off side is far too advanced. Many times when the refs call a play off side, the boos and hissing begin and they yell "what was the penalty for?" I usually shake my head in disgust at this point and grab another beer in hopes of drowning out their stupidity.
  6. Now in that list they also mention the classless douchebag Wings fans while simultaneously threatening to beat us up or throw paint on us. I'll ignore the irony and instead give you an example of the wonderful fans I've encountered while at Well while attending one game, I had the privilege to sit next to a friendly women and her probably 4 or 5 year old son. I immediately was given the stank eye and decided this should be fun. Half way through the first, the little boy taps me on the shoulder gives me the finger and says the Red Wings suck. Awesome.
  7. And I haven't even mentioned the offer I received to fight another fan in the bathroom. Yes that's right, I was wearing my Feed The Mule t-shirt washing my hands when a "women" and I use that term very loosely, walked up and told me to get the fuck out of her bathroom. I said "excuse me?" She said we don't want any fucking Red Wings fans around here. Now, I'm not one for fighting, I'm little, I can be scrappy, but really not too luckily, another Wings fan stepped in and those two had an all out screaming bitch fight.

But none of that really matters I suppose, because every time I've gone to a game, I've been surrounded by more Wings fans than Coyotes fans. The LGRW chant is louder than that damn wolf howl. The Coyotes and their fans are cocky and I like it. Stay that way, because the mother fucking Red Wings are coming to town, to crush your hope and Gary's hopes in one swoop. Double the pleasure.

So bring it on bitches. I'll be there in my RED yes RED Dangle Dangle shirt watching Datsyuk, Zetterberg, Franzen, Helm, Eaves, Lidstrom, Kronwall, make Shane Doan and company whimper all the way to the golf course.


  1. Awesome post. I totally would have told that kid to put that finger away before I broke it.

    I'm so excited to see a ton of bright red jerseys ruining the Phoenix white out.

  2. Perfectly stated all the way down the list. I'm a Detroit boy, born and bread in the Joe. I've been in Phoenix for 25+ years now. The Jets have never really settled in here. Screw'em. I remember the last time we came through Phoenix - standing out on the smoking patio chanting "we've got the cup, we've got the cup, we've got, we've got, we've got the cup" during the back to back year. It is so much fun to make fun of the new fans who don't know shit about shine-ola. Gotta love'em though. I'm sure they love us for filling 1/2 the arena with Wings jerseys. White-out my ass. Wings in 4 (maybe 5)... tickets were available on the glass yesterday - if not - Upper Deck is a Wings bar here, so is Sidelines in Chandler.

  3. Oh yeah - and the fact that the stadium is out in Glendale - can suck it too. The fools that put it out there need a good beat down.

  4. i've had similar experiences at they hate the wings there, which makes it even more fun for me. lucky enough every game we've gone to - which is every one since i moved out here in late 2005 - i've been around more wings fans then 'yotes fans. GO WINGS!

  5. "We 'pretend' to know everything. Like for example there are three periods in a game. Five skaters."

    Holy shit I laughed at this. Awesome stuff, as usual. Break out the brooms.

  6. I had the "privilege" to go to a game in Phoenix a couple of years ago, and there were more Red Wing fans in our section than Yotes fans. The girls in front of us kept checking their phones wondering if a boy was going to "text" them. They were all in their 50s.

    BTW, I was at Game 3 of the WCF last year here in Chicago wearing my #13 Datsyuk jersey. If Yotes fans think they are tough, they should take some tips from the baby brother's fans, because some of them were brutal.

  7. You go Jessie! I've had some similar experiences here in Denver but not so much recently. Represent! Let's GO RED WINGS!!!

  8. The UC is the most brutal place I have ever been wearing my jersey. They don't even cheer for the Hawks, all they do is talk shit about who they are playing. The only chant they have for their team is when they play that gay ass song and eveyone sings dant danna dant danna dant danna dant. Lame. PHX who? A hockey team in the desert?