Thursday, April 15, 2010

Well that was Painful

Hi excuse me. Excuse me....Hi yes, I have a question. Yes the short person up front with her hand politely fucking raised, yes I have a question.

Where the fuck did the post Olympic Red Wings team go?

And more importantly who's balltastic idea was it to ice the pre-Olympic Red Wings team?

I'd like to speak to the person or persons, no I promise I'll be's just that last night was such a clusterfuck of insanity. It blew my fucking mind. After being stuck at work from 4am to 8pm I arrive home and was awarded with that. No, no. Not acceptable.

I really don't want to talk about the shit fest of last night, but I will. I'll also try to remember Drew's Twitter advice that you're not in trouble until you lose on home ice. I'm trying here fuckers. Nameste.
  • So first things first. I didn't know that Doan and Pronger were long lost cousins. I suppose that explains why he's such a dirty little fucker. (editors note, not in a good way) Seriously, I lost track of the number of dirty hits with intent to injure. He often left his feet, he hit Kronwall high while also punching him in the head, he hit Cleary while a teammate had him tied up, he went after Homer after the whistle...the list goes on and on and on. I get playoff intensity, and I like it. But dirty hits which could injure multiple players on multiple occasions, well that just makes Doan a stinky pussy. I'm guessing this was all allowed because Gary, their creepy uncle that watches them in the shower, was in the stands.
  • But this does lead me to my next point. Yes the Coyotes got a way with near murder. Yes they looked like the Flyers baby brother after a 17 hour crack binge. But the Wings made the decision to stop skating. The Wings made the decision to sit back, occasionally scramble through the neutral zone, and essentially be completely thrown off their game because they knew illegal dangerous hits were coming. Not acceptable. That's where Stuart and Kronwall need to start laying some players out. Shift the momentum.
  • Another question, so when did Franzen decide to play with the toughness of a 3 year old ballerina? Wait, I take that back. My sister, the ballet dancer, will kick my ass for that comment. A ballerina would have drove the net more than Franzen did last night.
  • Can we discuss the high stick that for some fucking reason wasn't called? To make the whole situation even better, they did blow the whistle while the Wings were on the rush. Awesome. Thanks for the ass raping. Now Harry Potter nerds don't shit a brick if I get this wrong. I've only seen the movies. But in them I seem to remember something about unicorn blood giving extra powers but also stealing your soul? Something like that. We'll we already know Doan and company sold their soul and perhaps other body parts, I'm not judging, to Gary last summer. But now they've also made the perfect human bleed. Sure it may have temporarily given them an edge, but the repercussions could be severe. You may remember a team in the Western Conference Finals that speared Lidstrom's ball...yeah see how well that worked out for those fuckers. Lidstrom was apparently slightly irritated when the refs told him they thought it was Fil's stick. Of all my years watching the Wings I've never seen The Perfect Human mad. So enjoy it now Phoenix, you just pissed off the wrong Swede.
  • But all jokes aside, how was that missed? It was a game changing moment. If Gary hadn't had the refs balls in his purse, I mean satchel, and they made the correct call, the Wings would have been on a 5 on 3.....hmmmmm my tinfoil hat is telling me this smells strongly of the Malkin incident of '09.
  • Next question, where the fuck did the PK go? Seriously one of the worst power play units in the league went 3 for 3. Unacceptable.
  • Did anyone else poop their pants, just a little, when Datsyuk was driven hard into the net?
  • Who wants to bet we see Abdelkader on Friday? Anyone, any takers? Jason Williams can sit the fuck down, I've had enough of him. People strongly disagreed with me when I called for him to be traded. But come on. He was a fourth liner being paid 1.5 million and was completely worthless. He can take his right handed point shot and suck on it. Get Abby out there and have him drill Doan. At least that Michigan State boy will hit, and will do so legally I might add.
  • Darren Helm went from "the kill" to nearly being killed. For fucks sake, I hope he keeps his head up a little more next game.
  • Datsyuk and Zetterberg will need to bring a lot more intensity next game and set the pace for their team.

Blah. That game was just all sorts of wrong. It was like finding out that your parents really do have sex. Just awful. Sure the officiating was atrocious. Did it have an affect on the game, absolutely. Sure Shane Doan is a disgusting pussy booger that needs to be put in his place. But the real reason for the loss lies with the Wings. They were out worked, out hustled, and out played by an inferior but hungrier team. They need to take this as their one and only wake up call and get back to puck possession hockey on Friday. Control the tempo and they control the game. I'm hoping they come out and light Phoenix up on Friday. I'll be at the game, getting heckled by jack asses in white, and hope to see Abdelkader and company come out flying.

You don't make the perfect human bleed and get off lightly....


  1. Last night was an abomination...abortion? Let's go with abomination. Not only does Phoenix have fans with an identity crisis, their team apparently has one too. They think they can flip a switch and become last year's Ducks? Well it may have worked last night, but Game 2 will be different.

  2. We have to win faceoffs, especially on the PK. Yes, it did feel like Ducks redux last night. Doan needs to get some of his own medicine (in a legal hit sort of way).

    I have been wondering about Franzen too, he just seems kind of off. I kept calling for him to score last night and he just seemed to not be there.

    But then again, after the first period, the whole team wasn't there.

  3. I'll see you on Friday Jesse. But please, in the future, don't hold back on your real feelings when writing your blog. :)

  4. @NOHS Drew, Abortion or abomination would work. Clearly I'm not picky about semantics here. It would be nice to see Kronwall lay Doan out with a beautifully timed open ice hit. I would even send him a box of my left over Easter peeps as a present. Yes it would make me that happy.

    @hockeychic, GREAT point about the faceoffs. On the game winning goal, Zetterberg lost that key faceoff. Yes Helm was horribly interfered with and that was the key factor in the goal, but winning the faceoff would have negated that.

    @Calquake, I spoke with Sully yesterday and was very excited to here you're coming to the game on Friday! It will be awesome hangin out with one of my favorite A2Y commentators. And I promise, next time I will try to be a bit more honest about my feelings. ;)

  5. Jeff OKWingnut

    Spot on Jessie. Fuching Williams was worthless last night. At least Gator will hit somebody.

    The PK was beyond pathetic. The Dogs didn't get many looks 5 on 5. And for fuchs sake could the Wings bring some desperation to their game for 60 minutes. Oh, Kronner, Mule, Lilja, E-52, HIT SOMEBODY. Stuie at least managed a few.

  6. This ...... this was ...... I am scared.

    - Tyler

  7. @Jeff OKWingnut, according to Ms. St.James, it looks like our wish has come true. Bye bye JWilly....I'm this close to breaking out the MSU Fight Song.

    @Triple Deke Staff of what? Me, kitten? :)

  8. dearest jesse,

    spot on. i'd be capable of saying more, but my head hurts from the fucking-in-my-ear that was watching last thingy. whatever it was.

    willy must be worse-than-traded-or-benched. he should be fed to lebda's practice regiment, hopefully in the shriveled up area where his sac is supposed to be. doughy-faced fucktard!

    anyway, long-time admirer of your blog. just saying "i feel your pain", and if its not too much trouble, could you get the rattlesnake out of your garage and drop it into doan's fuckin', jock, for me?
    please and thank you!
    your foulmouthed brother-in-spirit,

  9. you can cry all you want. but bottomline...u let the WORST power play in the league go 3 for 4 on you(its not 3 for 3 btw). that stat right there tell the whole story. phoenix was 0 for 20!!! coming into this game.

    the wing sat back. the physical play threw them off the game. they had to work too hard to get through the mid 2nd period they lost the momentum.

    i pissed off swede...ohhh dont bust me up with that that threat.

    and Franzen...thanks for making sammy lepisto look like a bad ass. lepisto is a skill guy and you made him look like one of the tough guys in the nhl.

    im a phx fan of course. but all these excuses...doans dirty etc. if kronwall was throwing hits like that you would all say its fine.

    in the end det figured they would blow phx out in the first and lay back. the were never prepared to go the full 60min.

    im not going to lie...detroits talent is amazing. phx doesnt or hell no team has that group of all stars. but you guys are overlooking what really happened last night. fiddler and hanzel and co really shut down pavel and zett. sure they got off shots but few real quality scoring chances.

    phx can only win with defense and grit. they are not going to play detroit straight up. we wouldnt have a chance. its got to be physical.

    doan knows that. everyone knows that. honestly i love watching the wings play. the passing the tiiming plays. beautiful. as a not going to let u come on my ice and do that. i would do everyhting in my power to stop that. and hard hits is the best way. even just getting guys a step or two off their game can make all the difference.

    i love that now when there are bad calls people say its cause we are owned by bettmen. no actually the coyotes are owned by the owner of the wings...sharks...kings...all the owners.

    and if the refs were in the yotes pockets why did det get 3power plays in the first alone. and a total of almost 11min of pp time??? boy the fix is really in.

    should the high stick have been called. hell yes. but point blank the refs missed it. just like they miss 50% of the calls on the ice. every team has to deal with it equally. its a long series.

  10. physical is one thing, ass-hatry is another. and had kronners thrown hits like that, any self-respecting detroit fan would ask "what the hell is the matter with kronwall? he looks like pronger out there!"

    because, you see...we KNOW and LOVE the GAME before all else.

    so, really...i respect that you have an opinion. your opinion, however, i don't respect. i don't go to your team's blogs and whine and complain about what your fans are saying about us, so...
    now you'll excuse me before i just lose my temper.