Well that was Painful

Hi excuse me. Excuse me....Hi yes, I have a question. Yes the short person up front with her hand politely fucking raised, yes I have a question.

Where the fuck did the post Olympic Red Wings team go?

And more importantly who's balltastic idea was it to ice the pre-Olympic Red Wings team?

I'd like to speak to the person or persons involved....no, no I promise I'll be calm...it's just that last night was such a clusterfuck of insanity. It blew my fucking mind. After being stuck at work from 4am to 8pm I arrive home and was awarded with that. No, no. Not acceptable.

I really don't want to talk about the shit fest of last night, but I will. I'll also try to remember Drew's Twitter advice that you're not in trouble until you lose on home ice. I'm trying here fuckers. Nameste.

• So first things first. I didn't know that Doan and Pronger were long lost cousins. I suppose that explains why he's such a dirty little fucker. (editors note, not in a good way) Seriously, I lost track of the number of dirty hits with intent to injure. He often left his feet, he hit Kronwall high while also punching him in the head, he hit Cleary while a teammate had him tied up, he went after Homer after the whistle...the list goes on and on and on. I get playoff intensity, and I like it. But dirty hits which could injure multiple players on multiple occasions, well that just makes Doan a stinky pussy. I'm guessing this was all allowed because Gary, their creepy uncle that watches them in the shower, was in the stands.
• But this does lead me to my next point. Yes the Coyotes got a way with near murder. Yes they looked like the Flyers baby brother after a 17 hour crack binge. But the Wings made the decision to stop skating. The Wings made the decision to sit back, occasionally scramble through the neutral zone, and essentially be completely thrown off their game because they knew illegal dangerous hits were coming. Not acceptable. That's where Stuart and Kronwall need to start laying some players out. Shift the momentum.
• Another question, so when did Franzen decide to play with the toughness of a 3 year old ballerina? Wait, I take that back. My sister, the ballet dancer, will kick my ass for that comment. A ballerina would have drove the net more than Franzen did last night.
• Can we discuss the high stick that for some fucking reason wasn't called? To make the whole situation even better, they did blow the whistle while the Wings were on the rush. Awesome. Thanks for the ass raping. Now Harry Potter nerds don't shit a brick if I get this wrong. I've only seen the movies. But in them I seem to remember something about unicorn blood giving extra powers but also stealing your soul? Something like that. We'll we already know Doan and company sold their soul and perhaps other body parts, I'm not judging, to Gary last summer. But now they've also made the perfect human bleed. Sure it may have temporarily given them an edge, but the repercussions could be severe. You may remember a team in the Western Conference Finals that speared Lidstrom's ball...yeah see how well that worked out for those fuckers. Lidstrom was apparently slightly irritated when the refs told him they thought it was Fil's stick. Of all my years watching the Wings I've never seen The Perfect Human mad. So enjoy it now Phoenix, you just pissed off the wrong Swede.
• But all jokes aside, how was that missed? It was a game changing moment. If Gary hadn't had the refs balls in his purse, I mean satchel, and they made the correct call, the Wings would have been on a 5 on 3.....hmmmmm my tinfoil hat is telling me this smells strongly of the Malkin incident of '09.
• Next question, where the fuck did the PK go? Seriously one of the worst power play units in the league went 3 for 3. Unacceptable.
• Did anyone else poop their pants, just a little, when Datsyuk was driven hard into the net?
• Who wants to bet we see Abdelkader on Friday? Anyone, any takers? Jason Williams can sit the fuck down, I've had enough of him. People strongly disagreed with me when I called for him to be traded. But come on. He was a fourth liner being paid 1.5 million and was completely worthless. He can take his right handed point shot and suck on it. Get Abby out there and have him drill Doan. At least that Michigan State boy will hit, and will do so legally I might add.
• Darren Helm went from "the kill" to nearly being killed. For fucks sake, I hope he keeps his head up a little more next game.
• Datsyuk and Zetterberg will need to bring a lot more intensity next game and set the pace for their team.

Blah. That game was just all sorts of wrong. It was like finding out that your parents really do have sex. Just awful. Sure the officiating was atrocious. Did it have an affect on the game, absolutely. Sure Shane Doan is a disgusting pussy booger that needs to be put in his place. But the real reason for the loss lies with the Wings. They were out worked, out hustled, and out played by an inferior but hungrier team. They need to take this as their one and only wake up call and get back to puck possession hockey on Friday. Control the tempo and they control the game. I'm hoping they come out and light Phoenix up on Friday. I'll be at the game, getting heckled by jack asses in white, and hope to see Abdelkader and company come out flying.

You don't make the perfect human bleed and get off lightly....