Thursday, April 22, 2010

Let's Look to the Stars....Again

So Monday of this week, which by the way feels like ages ago, I did a post regarding the horoscopes of some of our favorite Wings players. The stars seemed to align and foretold of a Wings victory. A positive outcome. So I figured I'd give it a shot again today. I mean what the hell. It's another day without a game and I'll be sure to cherry pick the players as I did before.

Player: Pavel Datsyuk

Sign: Cancer

4/23 Horoscope: You have an extra large supply of will power today and would be wise to put it to good use. Although your communication skills are heightened now, you still could get yourself into a bit of trouble by mixing up your favorite fantasy with the actual truth. Don't trust your perceptions because they may bend reality in your favor. Instead, check out your assumptions by asking a close friend for his or her perspective. You'll have a better sense of what's happening once you have another point of view.

My Take: I don't know about you, but to me, Datsyuk doesn't seem like a guy who spends his day dreaming of finding Gary's secret stash of Sidney Crosby pictures. You know the ones they took last summer vacation where Gary dressed up as the naughty nurse and Crosby the "brooding" doctor. So I'm not too worried about day dreaming taking away from his game on Friday night. Especially when the stars and AOL Horoscopes tell us he has an extra supply of will power. A determined Datsyuk ready to put the upstart Phoenix players in their place. What more could we ask for.

Player: Patrick Eaves

Sign: Taurus

4/23 Horoscope: You aren't as sure that you know exactly what you want even though the Moon's entry into your playful 5th House today boosts your desire for pleasure. Paradoxically, while you have a practical approach to the concept of satisfaction, it becomes more elusive now as you attempt to reach it. But don't give up just because you don't have the clarity you want; your sheer determination will win out in the end.

My Take: While the beginning doesn't make me think of singing puppies and chocolate roses, the end should leave us feeling pretty damn good. The Wings have flown safely into hockey hell. And aside from avoiding getting a sun burn, their only goal, and the only satisfaction they seek while in the Valley of the Sun is knocking Gary's ugly bastard child of a hockey team out of the playoffs. So if the planets, moons, and stars are letting us know that Eaves hard work will win out in the end, I feel good. This has been a redemption season for the kid. Signed for cheap he's added invaluable energy to the lineup. He's beaten both Ville Leino and Jason Williams for a starting spot. When he works hard and wants something, he gets it. Yeah, I like this horoscope.

Player: Niklas Kronwall

Sign: Capricorn

4/23 Horoscope: You have an abundance of creative energy now, yet it's challenging to find an outlet for even the most practical of your ideas. Your actions may not have the positive impact you want, turning your enthusiasm to discouragement. Don't give up, for the clouds of illusion can dissipate suddenly, leaving you with clear vision. If you know what you want, your determination and hard work will eventually pay off.

My Take: Ok so this hasn't been Kronwall's best series. Let's be honest. There have even been flashes and unwanted sightings of KronVall along the way. But, if he keeps a positive attitude and keeps working hard, it should turn around. There was a noticeable improvement last game, perhaps Game 5 will be the breakout he needs. When all the energy and hard work pays off. I'm anticipating a perfectly timed Kronwalled moment.

Player: Brad Stuart

Sign: Scorpio

4/23 Horoscope: You are driven by the idea of accomplishing something very concrete today. However, it's challenging to keep your mind from wandering into the distracting realms of sensual pleasure. As lovely as your fantasies may be now, it's really up to you whether or not to encourage them with your attention. You'll enjoy the present moment more if it contributes to the enduring satisfaction of reaching your goals.

My Take: Ok we get it. Stuart isn't the only person who longing thinks of Karen Newman and her new money makers. I'm pretty sure there's an entire fan club set up over at A2Y, along with a tight election for President. But luckily with the Wings being on the road, the distraction will be gone. He can now focus all of his energy towards reaching his goal of crushing Shane Doan's hopes and dreams once and for all. Because let's be honest, with the dirty way that bastard has played, how wonderful would it be if the Wings organization not only to shat on his Olympic dreams, but also his Stanley Cup aspirations. No sympathy for the head hunter and I'm sure Stuart doesn't have any either.

Player: Jimmy Howard

Sign: Aries

4/23 Horoscope: You look like you are ready to take a risk now in order to get something you have wanted for a while. But beneath your cavalier appearance, you're probably doing more calculations than anyone might realize. When you finally do climb out on a limb, you optimistically believe that you won't fall. To be safe, just make sure you've built your strategy on facts and not false assumptions based on unrealistic fantasies.

My Take: Oh you can be sure our young James wants this more than he does a Champps Restaurant Mile High Pie. (and as a girl who can down one of those by herself, it's a hard dessert to pass up.) Everyone else doubted James, assumed he wouldn't make it in the NHL. Everyone but Jimmy himself. So you can be sure he's done the research and prepared for Game 5. He'll take a risk, but he'll be ready to succeed.

Player: Dan(ny) Cleary

Sign: Sagittarius

4/23 Horoscope: It's important to follow through with your promises at work today, for others are counting on your performance. Although you take your job quite seriously now, it's easy to misinterpret what's expected of you by getting the details mixed up. Listen to your instructions extra carefully, write them down and then double check that you heard them correctly. This might seem like overkill, but it can save you from needlessly wasting time and energy.

My Take: Cleary was put on the top line last game to add some speed and break through the trap. And he certainly accomplished that. Promises and expectations are high. As hard as it may be to understand Datsyuk at times, that will apparently be the key to Cleary's success tomorrow night. Perhaps someone should send him a copy of Russian for Dummies to help him along. But none-the-less I still feel confident about this horoscope.

And there you have it folks. The stars once again lined up and we should feel confident going into Friday's game. Because seriously, what additional reassurance could you possibly need aside from a collection of AOL Horoscopes?


  1. No Hank? I hope that means he's playing so well you didn't need to worry about what the stars say about him. I was going to ask about Lidstrom, but then I figured that since he controls the heavens and the earth, he can make his own horoscope up.

  2. I love these! Keep up the good work.

  3. just a slight had the roles reversed on those bettman/rysby summer vacation pics. sinny was the nurse (youth, "beauty"), and gary was the brooding doc (age, receding hairline, god complex). just a clarification...

    also, i've never been, and never will be, in any way attracted to karen "plasticwoman" newman. call me the antithesis of the american male, but i'd sooner fuck an octopus. and unboiled one at that, which has just about the same texture and tone that her (once was) skin does. plus, her voice reminds me of an "also ran" from "star search". pick a key, karen...any key!
    i know there are worse (ahem) vocalists in the league. but there are far, far better vocalists out there, especially in detroit (despite what the "april in the d" campaign would have you believe!), so why are we still holding on to "leatherface"?
    just my opinion. i could be wrong...they say i usually am.