Friday, April 2, 2010

Welcome to The Twilight Zone

First of all, let me just say, what the fuck is happening? It's like a god damn Twilight episode out there. And no I don't mean the movie with Robert Pattinson, I mean the Twilight Zone. Since when does the "War Room" actually call something in Detroits favor? And for fuckity fucks sake when does that happen two games in a row?

I have no idea. But I think it has something to do with the massive amount of tin foil hats worn by Wings fans for H2H. Perhaps the strong power of the foil in combination with Herm's seriously love for his own personal God Darren Helm caused the axis of the earth to shift thus throwing off the equilibrium of the war room judges until they officially developed inner ear infections, thus forcing them to take massive amounts of cold medicine, and while under the influence of the good shit, they ultimately fuck up 2 calls for Gary. Whew. That was a run on sentence that would make my English teacher sister cringe. But it's cleary the only possibility.

Anyway, the Wings pulled off a victory in what was often a tight game. Some of the chances Columbus had were enough to make your ass hole pucker and cause a little tinkle in your pants. Don't be ashamed I'm sure you've pissed yourself once or twice during the course of your Red Wings fandom.

But never the less, Todd Bertuzzi rode in on his white horse (what the fuck) and in dramatic form scored his second game winning goal in the last four games. I feel so so dirty just writing that.

Below are my random thoughts about the game. I missed the first period because work decided to bitch slap me again, so this recap may be more pathetic than usual.

  • Sure the Blue Jackets only had 22 shots, but many of them were great scoring opportunities. I felt like they were constantly on the rush during the start of the second. My friend even mentioned there were many good BJ chances.....hmmmmm where to go with that, where to go...
  • Datsyuk in typical Dangle Dangle fashion scored a beautiful goal after Homer once again won the puck battle in the corner. Franzen looked pretty excited, yet slightly creepy after Datsyuk scored.
  • Later in the second, Mason takes a Franzen shot to the head. Yes the head. Football what?
  • Once again Meech looked half way decent in the forward position. I distinctly remember one particular drive to the net which gave him a pretty good opportunity. I can get a little bitchy at times (who me, kitten?) about his defensive play, but for his price, and the fact that he often sits, he seems to have a good attitude and fills the swingman roll well. And I still would perfer him over Lebda. Yep I said it.
  • Nash had a bit of an off night. And by off night I mean Franzen and Zetterberg took turns pulling his hair and kicking sand in his face, those damn sandbox bullies. I think he managed 2 shots and no points. Hey if he needs someone to vent to, have him call Crosby. I'm sure he could give him some pointers on how to whine to the refs and send some personal videos over on the proper form of a dive. Because instead Nash tried to kill Zetterberg at one point and had a nice slash on Rafalski's stick. However rest assured, Mickey was ok with that stick break. He said it was a 200 dollar slash but a good reason for the composite to break. Whew thanks Mick, I felt my blood pressure boiling there as I was about to begin a bitch fest about those damn composite sticks.
  • Before the Bertuzzi goal review, did anyone notice him attempt to bat the puck into the net. He looked like a 5 year old girl trying to learn how to spike a volleyball...and yes I was reliving my childhood there.
  • Datsyuk looked great all night and very dangerous in the second. Mickey said "Datsyuk is on a mission." And I believe that mission was to make Mason his bitch.
  • There were a few "tense" moments during the game. And by tense I mean I was about to loose it worse than Will Ferrell when his meatloaf is delayed. Filppula was hit hard into th boards and very well could have injured his wrist. FYI, no penalty on the play. And then Franzen decided to block a shot and took it off the top of his foot. He was visibly in pain and hardly played in the last 6 minutes. It's no problem though, I have a solution. refuse to allow him to take off his skate until after the playoffs. Problem solved in a logical and well thought out manner.
  • While Nash may not have attended the Sidney Crosby School of A Diving Douche this summer, Mason did. Apparently a shot to the head is no big deal, but a diving save that took him completely out of position was too much for the young goaltender to handle. I think Mason can expect that gold star of course completion from Crosby now.
  • The end of the game was awfully intense. Lidstrom takes a penalty with 2:18 left and on a 6 on 4, the BJs score. However the Wings managed to hold off the remaining intese 30 second rush.

And there you have it the Wings are still one point behind Nashville. The Blues being the Saint Louis Blues sucked donkey dick and offered no help to the Wings. Next game is Saturday and I hope the Wings can put together a full 60 minute effort. And just like the coworker with awful breathe who invades your personal bubble on a daily basis, that game was too close for comfort.

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