Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Pretty Please with Sugar on Top??

So I sat down at my computer this morning at 4:30....yes I have the same schedule as an 80 year old, and had every intention of writing a game preview. While rare for me, I wanted to give it a shot.

But all that I could come up with was the same stuff I have been shouting and bitching about since game one. Better defensive coverage, stop turning the puck over in the neutral zone, puck possession, shoot the DAMN puck...blah blah blah. And since the pit of fear deep in my stomach (the one moving farther and farther up) has me feeling neither jolly or creative, I couldn't really come up with too much else. Perhaps I'll continue my trend and post twice in one day to make up for this piece of shit. Who knows.

Until then, below is my open letter to the Detroit Red Wings. Short, simple, and sweet....just like me. Oh and I'm totally sure they'll read it. (dripping in sarcasm)

Dear Red Wings,

We love you. No really we do. I get it, we can be harsh at times. We can bitch. We can complain. And we can even tear you a new ass hole when things don't go well. But it's only because we care.

You'll remember, that when you're playing to your ability, when you're putting forth a huge effort, so are we. Cheering, chanting, jumping up and down like the drunk psychotic manics you know and love. We do it at the Joe and at arenas throughout the United States and Canada. We ignore the threats from other fans, bathroom confrontations from shemen, and the law to celebrate our team. Win or lose we love our team, we just ask for an effort.

But when you keep bitch slapping us in the face by not putting out the effort we know you can, there are millions of sad faces around the world. Herm in Brazil, Andy in Norway, poor Sully in Phoenix. It's time to turn those frowns upside down.

So tonight, I beg you. Please, please, please, please please, try hard. Please work hard. Please use your skill and talent. Please crush this piece of shit talentless team that is now cocky enough thinking they deserve to beat the Detroit Red Wings. Please put their "fans" back where they belong, rooting for the Suns or the Diamondbacks.

Just please try hard tonight. That's all we ask. Just for the effort. Just for the emotion and pure desire to crush and destroy Shane Doan and his pack of puppy dog bitches. Because when that efforts there, it will pump up that crowd at the Joe. The crowd of thousands cheering you along attempting to will you to win. Holding their breathe at every odd man rush and losing their shit each time you score.

Please just try. For the fans.

Hugs and kisses,

The #1 fans


  1. this should be passed around to all the #1 fans and signed, like the declaration of independance. as the writer, of course, you get to have the john hancock sized sig...

    go wings!

  2. I actually like the open letter to the Red Wings very much. It's sincere and sums up how we all feel.

    Although, when I was in Phoenix I was happy. It wasn't until I came back to my Hateful Lair in an Undisclosed (albeit safe) location in the Scorpio-lizard infestation of a desert that I was...once again...deeply saddened by their efforts.