Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Vomit, Then Eat It

Yeah I really am going label my post that. Because last night was disgusting. I don't even know what to say at this point. I feel in some regards that last year is replaying itself. Why you ask...oh you remember last years consecutive games with the Wings losing 8-0 and 8-1....this year, despite having less offense, should we be relieved they only lost 6-2? Oh fuck it, it's too hard to find positives...

Each game I usually write some notes so I can post a recap and dazzle you, and by you I mean the 5 readers who for whatever reason keep coming back, with my witty thoughts and comments. Ha that was misleading...but I do generally say something slightly inappropriate or completely off the wall that will disturb/offend some people, so I feel like my mission is usually accomplished.

Last night here were my notes with no modifications:

Wings starting off really slow

Still having a shitty first period

Oh fuck we're on the P...

Oh fuck they scored....Williams you bastard I just wrote something halfway decent about you

Alright still being completely dominated

Wings on the PP

Filppula scores again...can another line actually score a fucking goal

Intermission. Keith Jones with this gem "Heatly will score 70 goals this year" Please vomit now

2-1 Buffalo

3-1 Buffalo

4-1 Buffalo

5-1 Buffalo

Fuck My Life

6-1 Buffalo

6-2 Buffalo

Why the fuck is Zetterberg celebrating like he's never done that before...oh that's right it was his first goal of the season.

And scene. That's it. All I had to write. What more could I say without rocking back and forth in the fetal position dreading the doom and gloom I would be reading about the Red Wings all today.

To add a little positivity to the world, I'm trying here, Jimmy Howard only let in one goal and didn't make me want to beat him over the head with a hockey stick, so that was delightful.....

Alright no more. I can't talk about the shitfest that took place last night. It is far too painful.

Let's move on to a bit of a lighter topic.

Yesterday Snapshots posted a youtube video of one Matt Stafford and his lessons/experiences with Octopussy etiquette. Now Matt had also emailed me his videos and since he is clearly as deranged as myself and I am sure many readers here, I was left not only laughing but with some additional questions. Matt was kind enough to humor me and sent me his answers all the way from London, England...

First watch the video. I am posting the long version because well you should watch it. Nothing I can say could do it justice, so sit back and enjoy!

Yep he really did it. Did you vomit, and if you did, would you eat it?

It left me with more questions than answers when it came to the Octopussy so here is what Matt had to say.

How did you learn the proper etiquette was to eat the Octopussy after the loss?

Like most oral traditions, certain elements of the Octoquette established by the Cusimano Brothers back in the early 50s has slowly faded from the public conscience over time.
It took me hundreds of seconds of online research to rediscover a few lost rules. Post-loss consumption just happened to be one of them.

It took me hundreds of seconds of online research to rediscover a few lost rules. Post-loss consumption just happened to be one of them.

Could you have shared some of it with a willing friend?

Technically yes, but unfortunately I was with a crotchety Brit. This was the first hockey game he'd ever been to and he kept complaining, "I can't see the bloody puck". I've since given him youtube links to Wings games from the 90s featuring FoxTrax technology.

Since the Wings won the game after you ate the octopussy, should you continue with the tradition?

After last night's dismal 6-2 loss to the sabres I may have to up the ante to have the same positive effects. Perhaps I'll take on a narwhal calf--the corndog of the sea.

Any overall thoughts/insight for potential octopussy throwers?

If you're plotting to throw onto enemy ice, be sure you get the octopus before you get to the foreign city. The only thing worse than rushing around, trying to find an octopus vendor on game day is having to choke it down after a Wings' loss.
Also, don't make plans to get laid later that night. Your groin will smell like a dumpster behind Red Lobster for at least 48 hours.

I think he deserves a round of applause for his dedication to the Wing Wheel. Not many people would walk around Sweden with a mouth and crotch smelling of baby octopuss, vomit, and octopuss again that's some serious commitment.

Thanks for your insight and disturbing video Matt.

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