Monday, March 8, 2010

Oh He's Out There

So there is a douche on the loose in Phoenix. I know nothing about him accept that he drives a black car and has a Pens87 licence plate. So yes, enough said. I've seen the car around the area where I work a couple times. Unfortunately since I have the reflexes of a drunk 89 year old man who forgot to take his daily does of Cialis, I've never been able to get a clear picture. But just like Big Foot, I assure you he's out there. So while I condone a Pens87 license plate as much as I encourage a Mike Green fauxhawk, it did at least get me thinking. I began to contemplate what a personalized plate should be for some of our favorite Red Wings. And since I am anything but creative, feel free to offer up any other suggestions.

Jimmy Howard= Jimmah, and yes he's secure enough to have this license plate.

Darren Helm = The Kill, or Third Shorty, enough said.

Johan Franzen = FeedMe, I was going to go with Gigolo in honor of his amazing 1970s inspired mustache, but I was afraid of the possible legal and PR ramifications.

Pavel Datsyuk = Dr. Dangler, screw Dr. Ramani and his eye institute for replacing the best spokesman since Billy Mayes.

Jonathan Ericsson = HideUrGF, Voox over at A2Y has already described Ericsson's powers of fertility, so this is just a friendly warning to the men of Michigan to hide their girl friends.

Todd Bertuzzi = Reaper, because unibomber may raise some flags on the terror watch list.

Tomas Holmstrom = #1Stunna, because who else is as much of a pimp as Homer and his Swenglish

Brett Lebda = Baller, because you know he walks around with swagger he doesn't have.

Andres Lilja = BadAss, again enough said.

Jason Williams = BigJWilly, I'm pretty sure this is how he fancies himself and anything that reminds of a Will Smith song is awesome.

Chris Osgood = STFU BABS, I think the hate runs deep in our friend Chris. This may be too PG for him.

Derek Meech = 4RealAWing, just because I'm not sure people always believe him.

Niklas Kronwall = Kronwalled, because honestly, what else could it be?

Niklas Lidstrom = Mr. Norris, only an acceptable choice because he would be appalled by such a moniker

Drew Miller = ThisBuds4U, just because Miller Time is too predictable. He likes to keep people guessing. And an appropriate/ ironic spokesman choice.

Valterri Filppula = Fierce, and nothing more, because who else has a head of sun in damaged hair like everyone's favorite Finn?

Justin Abdelkader, SpartyOn, yes I know he's currently playing with the Griffins, but as an MSU alumnus he had to be included on the list.

Dan(minus the ny) Cleary = JustDanPls, I'm sure Pierre McGuire calling him Danny has forced him to seek the assistance of a therapist and witch doctor to overcome the night terrors.


  1. Great stuff, Jessie. My faves are Homer's (for obvious reasons) and Meech. I am STILL laughing out loud at Meech's.

  2. Well done. I like Miller's because I'm big on irony.

  3. I'd go with BluSteel for Filppula. For some reason his hair makes me think of Zoolander.

  4. Thanks guys. I'm still very distrubed by the allusive Pens87 car. And Rob, BluSteel is the clear cut winner. Awesome on so many levels.