Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Team America, Puppet Sex, Corey Perry is a douche

I had no idea how to title this post, or really what to write about which is why I'm about two days late and a million analogies behind everyone else when it comes to the USA pissing all over Canada's dreams Sunday night.

What a fantastic game. For some reason, after the end of the second period, the Team America World Police theme song kept playing in my head over and over again, followed by fucked up visions of the marionette puppet sex scene and all the questions that come along with the logistics of such a scene.

Top that lovely moment with Corey Perry getting ass raped on the open net goal and it was a glorious night. My parents missed the game as they were taking a late flight back to Michigan from sunny Arizona. However, first things first, when they landed and called to see who won the game, you could hear cheers erupt throughout the plane. For fucks sake I love Michigan.

And apparently Michigan loves hockey. I forgot the number, but something like 12 players on Team USA have ties to Michigan. Particularly Brian Rafalski. Can anyone tell me where he came from? 4 goals in the tournament and dare I say strong defensive play. He's rejuvenated. You know what, I think the Olympics and a little Canadian dream molesting certainly seems to do a Rafalski good.

Oh and as the final verse of Team America Fuck Yeah played in my head, the Michigan State Fight song soon picked up in honor of none other than Ryan Miller. Under normal circumstances the guy scares the shit out of me. Not just because he's fantastic in net, but he has that, I didn't fart look about him. Something seems off, but wow. It's been great watching him play on a regular basis. Amazing performance. And another reason I have dreams of punching Gary in the nuts, so many great East Coast players I hardly get to see.

Speaking of other teams, (and please ignore the fact that this post is all over the place. I am still laughing at Crosby missing the penalty shot in the game tonight.) how weird is it to root for the success of Patrick Kane and Bobby Ryan? It's like trying to tell your body not to throw up when you have the flu. It's tough. I'm one of the rare people who likes seeing the NHL players in the Olympics, purely for my own entertainment, but it will be nice to get back to hating Patrick Kane. It's like everything in the world will fall back into place.

Anyway, let's take a quick look at some of the other Wings in the Olympics:

Pavel Datsyuk: Having a really good strong tournament. His usual Dangle Dangle self. He's been particularly great defensively. He seems to be having fun.

Henrik Zetterberg: eh? He's playing well. Nothing overtly special. (and yes I know saying that is like kicking a sleeping puppy.) I was hoping this would maybe give a boost of energy. Still time I suppose.

Niklas Kronwall: He seems to still be working through the knee injury. Certainly playing well, some big hits, but still getting his timing back. That's fine, work it out now, just please don't twe.....yeah I'll stop.

Johan Franzen: Yep he looks good. Of course the Swedish Mule comes back a mere 3 months after ACL surgery. If he weren't one of my favorite players (aka a Red Wing) I'd certainly be calling him some sort of freak.

Niklas Lidstrom: The Perfect Human nickname has stuck for a reason.

Valterri Filppula: I'll be honest. I haven't watched Finland much. He looked pretty good when they played Sweden, but I only saw a period and a half before finally giving in to sleep.

Brian Rafalski: Please tell me that when you think of Rafalski and Team America, creepy marionette puppets at least begin to pop into your mind. Anyway, fantastic tournament, tied for second in scoring. Please, please bring that back to Detroit.

Mike Babcock: Apparently goalie controversies are following him this year. You know Ozzie is laughing while still working on unbunching his panties....Canada, well the country is beginning to assemble their angry mob, just in case.

Tomorrow USA vs Switzerland (aka Jonas Hiller)


  1. Yay Rafalski! Representin' Dearborn for all of us who aren't as important!

  2. Look @ it this way: how many of the friggin canucks are from the Anaheim Stupid @ucks? One guy at work finally noticed what a cheapshot chickenshit Cryn Goonslaf is...hell yeah he's a douche...i don't normally cheer for injuries but in some cases i make an exception... :-)