Heh....about what I expected

So if case you haven't heard the NHL awards were last night.....hmmmmm apparently they are still letting their incredibly talented marketing team moonlight as the award event planners. Because let's be honest, this bland, vanilla, predictable show has a long way to go before it becomes entertaining.

Some random thoughts.......

Ummmm where was Sidney Crosby, the face of the NHL, the Stanley Cup winning captain....Maybe he was just running late....I say suspend him....

Ovechkin showed up in predictable style with two Vegas show girls on his arms....ummm yeah, he's lucky he's a hockey player.

Speaking of which, the king of mouth breathers is fortunate he is able to score goals because wow, under normal circumstances this would be an unevenly matched couple...to say the least.

Chaka Khan, really Gary. We don't need to hear your favorite masturbation music at the NHL award shows. If something ever screamed substandard, it's having Chaka Khan sing at your awards show, in 2009, twice.

Most of the winners were predictable. Although I was surprised that Datsyuk took home the Lady Byng. At this point he gave his best, and my favorite speech of the night. Subtle humor that was probably lost on the crowd.

Seriously, did the people there know they were watching an award show in Vegas, and not CSPAN? They had about as much energy and enthusiasm as a jilted housewife. The "claps" made me look around and see if Tiger or Phil were taking the first tee...lame, pathetic. Next time they need to have Ovechkin's show girls handing out shots at the entrance. Although despite this, Datsyuk probably got the best response from the crowd.

Notice anything off about that video montage....let me just say "Lindstom." Yep, a friend called during the show to let me know that they spelled Datsyuk's name wrong during the montage. So now the Wings proudly have two new players named Lindstrom and Datsuuk. Guess the marketing interns running the show didn't have any fact or spell checkers. Just pathetic that for 2 years in a row they were incapable of spelling a top stars name correctly...there aren't that many awards, it can't be that difficult. Ironically enough Lidstrom and Datsyuk were also the two suspended due to the All Star game cluster fuck...

I've never been a fan of Jeremy Roenick. Ever. In fact he is exactly the kind of prima donna I cannot stand. With his 1990s slicked back hair and shinny, silky shirt, I had an unnatural hope that someone would run up and Patrick Sharp his ass...well not ass but you get the point. It's obvious to anyone with a brain even the size of Chris Prongers that Roenick is angling for a broadcast job. Well little buddy, after that performance, you better hope an executive at Versus was watching incredibly drunk and finds someone fumbling over simple words and walking around like he has a hockey stick up his ass to be broadcasting excellence. Well nevermind, I take it back, they have Pierre McGuire, so Roenick sure as hell has a shot.

Despite the pathetic award show, they certainly did do something right. My favorite moment was watching Konstantinov walk out and present the Pearson Award. Now that one had to tug at even the coldest heart.

FYYFF

So it's only Wednesday night, almost a week since the season ended, since Maxine and Flower will no longer simply be names of drug store perfume, but will instead cause me to wake in the middle of the night from pure terror. It's only been 5 days and I already miss hockey.

During the playoffs I began to question why I get so worked up over the regular season....and now I honestly question my sanity even more as I eat up every Red Wings related story out there and eagerly await the NHL Awards just to have some hockey news. Honestly, my off season on line surfing can be quite pathetic....but what can I say...I'm a Wings fan.

So anyway, tomorrow night, Vegas will host the NHL awards. Apparently there has already been a number of events including the Anaheim Ducks hosting some sort of party at the Playboy Club. I suppose at least for once Prongers open mouth and subsequent puddle of drool will make sense....Ryan Getzlaf will be in some sort of wannabe frat boy heaven while trying to hide his newly burnt bald spot (trust me that damn desert sun is fucking intense), and well hopefully Perry doesn't take any cheap shots at anyone and all plastic body parts were able to leave safe and sound.

In honor of the Awards taking place tomorrow at 8:30 on Versus and CBC, let's take a closer look at some of the award nominees, my choices, and my predictions. And yes, since you are at Bingo Bango both my choices, and my predictions will probably make very little sense and have absolutely no real analysis. So shut it.

Vezina:

Tim Thomas
Niklas Backstrom
Steve Mason

My Pick: Tim Thomas. He's the reason for Boston's unbelievable regular season...And he looks exactly like Drew Carey, and since I was a huge fan of Mimi's goddess eyebrows, well how could I not pick him. Yep I told you I'm all analytical and shit today
Winner: Thomas or Mason.....I feel torn on who the media will salivate over more. However, I'm going to guess Thomas will win the Vezina and Mason the Calder

Norris:

Nick Lidstrom (Or Lindstrom if your the NHL)
Zdeno Chara
Mike Green

My Pick: Ummmmm yeah I know I'm a homer but still, you're a dirty whore if you don't pick Lidstrom. And in honor of the most amazing shirt I saw in Vegas "Fuck you, you Fucking fuck " if you can't see his greatness. No really that shirt is now my personal slogan and will be directed at anyone who pisses me the fuck off. Ok anyway, he played through tendentious all season and was still the top defenseman in the league....and if you mention his "decline" suck a dick, he's still got it. Yeah....look at what he played through during the playoffs....
Winner: Well Mike Green of course. The reason, the media became completely hypnotized by his tribal tattoo and faux hawk while repeatedly staring at his glamor shot photos on the Capitals "ladies" website...yeah don't get me started on that

Calder:

Steve Mason
Kris Versteeg
Bobby Ryan

My Pick: Steve Mason. I believe both Mason and Nash carried the entire BJs team into their first playoff run. And despite contracting mono (which isn't that something you usually get over and done with in high school?? Or as little Steve learned, from chasing Puck Bunnies) he had an unbelievable season and led the league in shut outs. And I can't pick Bobby Ryan because he played for the Ducks so it's principal (I don't hate him yet, but I'm sure I will) and Kris Versteeg proved he is too much of a little bitch...and he pisses me off.
The Winner: Hey, I think they'll get this one right. Mason

Selke:

Pavel Datsyuk
Ryan Kesler
Mike Richards

My Pick: Pavel Freaking Datsyuk. The Dangler. Mr. Bo Dangles. Lame but what can I say....I'm a bit off today.... Ummmm cleary the best two way player in the league. Despite the strong performances by both Kesler and Richards...I don't think it will be enough to dethrone Detroit's little Selke King. Yeah nothing more needs to be said.
The Winner: Datsyuk or Richards....I think they may get it right though....

Lady Bing:

Pavel Datsyuk
Martin St. Louis
Zach Parise

My Pick: Heh? Did you think I would pick someone else? STFU, my pick Datsyuk
The Winner: Tough choice. I think Datsyuk will be overlooked due to the whole All Star bitchslap from Gary...although while sitting out that game he did inadvertently provide himself with quite a nickname "dangle, dangle" so that has to count for something right? Maybe cancel that whole cluster fuck out? I don't know, I think it will go to Parise or St. Louis...Parise had an unbelievable season and St. Louis played hard and with character on the sinking ship that is Tampa Bay. But I'll go with Parise.

The Hart: Yeah the award Crosby wasn't nominated for....snicker, gives the middle finger, insert my new slogan (FYYFF)

Pavel Datsyuk
"Geno" Malkin
Alex Ovechkin

My Pick: 3 for 3 Datsyuk. And come on, you have to admit 3 speeches from Datsyuk would be incredibly entertaining. Now if the Hart was labeled, the best goal scorer, I would change my vote. But no, instead it's most valuable player, and much more goes into that than scoring goals. Datsyuk embodies this for the Wings. I know, I know these awards are only based on the regular season, but just look at the morale boost the Wings received when Dangle came back in the finals....sigh
The Winner: Ovechkin. Yep Diddy said it's all about the Benjamins...well the media was all about the Ovechkin this season. Well not ALL about him, but they did cheat on Crosby with him a bit...not bad, not all the way...but a little under the shirt stuff, maybe they rounded third...so I'm going with Ovechkin as the Winner.

Alright I know I missed a number of awards, but work and life beckons. If you are as bored as I am, or if you have the shakes caused by hockey withdrawal, let me know your choices.

Until then, I'll be attempting to work while still mourning the fact that the hockey season is over....leaving me with "I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here" to occupy my TV time. Seriously, fuck you NBC, that show hurts more than Pierre McGuire.