Sunday, January 31, 2010

Wait the Wings Played Today?

Because I honestly thought Crosby was playing Malkin and the Wings players were the puck boys and Jimmy was just there for target practice. Well that's what NBC told me...

Seriously, I hate NBC. Just when you think a sports broadcast cannot be any worse than the amateur production on Versus, we get the distinct pleasure of viewing that shitfest on NBC. Now I warn you, before I get into the game, I need to get some NBC, Pierre McGuire, Edzo, hate off my chest.

Let me start off by saying I was seriously concerned for Sidney Crosby. Now just give me a second to explain. The amount of man love, taking place was disconcerting. I firmly believe it was a necessity to have a police escort get Sid the Kid out of Mellon arena tonight. If not he may have found his Shirley Temple (with extra cherries) spiked with a little somethin somethin, which forced him to take the risk of walking down a dark alley. Waiting for him, would be Pierre and Edzo for a little on the knees love got to that point today.

Since the Wings once again decided it wasn't necessary to show up for the first 40 minutes, thus frustrating me to no end, I decided to start tallying the number of times anyone on the NBC crew mentioned Crosby. Now this number didn't include the number of times they showed him before every commercial break, after most plays, and most memorably after Stuart's tying goal, no, it was just saying his name. My final number 84. And I wasn't even paying that much attention since I was still a bit "tired" from the night before. 84 fucking times. Are you kidding me?

So what did I do, I became frustrated, started bitching, and possibly irrationally yelling at the TV. My husband took his life into his own hands by telling me I must be imagining it, no one can be that biased....and so he watched the rest of the game with me. Here's what we were able to see:

  • After the first period, they did a loooovely expose on wait for it, wait for it...Sidney Crosby and Alex Ovechkin....heaven forbid they discuss the game
  • After the second period, they did a piece on Malkin....were the Penguins playing themselves? Are there any other teams in the NHL outside of the Capitals and the Penguins.
  • The squirt of the game or whatever that shit was, was Fleury.
  • Crosby provided us with the douche squeaks of the game
  • I don't give a shit that Crosby hits pucks into a dryer....but I did see that commercial on at least 3 separate occasions, and no I didn't go to facebook to see who won
  • Pierre did get off his knees and wipe his mouth long enough to interview Babcock for 23 thanks, you completely left the Wings fans satisfied.

The result, my husband openly said "you're right, they're lining up for a Penguins gang bang."

NBC is always terrible to watch, they fail to show replays of penalties, for fucks sake they fail to show game tying goals live, but today, they took the one sided bias to a whole new level. McGuire honestly reminded me of that blonde chick from the movie Obsessed. You know that movie with Beyonce and the guy who was on a few episodes of The Office. Pretty sure he has a giant poster of Crosby and that obnoxious commercial with Max Talbots head covered with his own replaying over and over again....

Now that I'm done with that, and thanks for listening to my rant, below are a few random thoughts about the game:

  • The early start time confused the Wings and they did not show up for the first period. Jimmy was forced to stop 16 shots in the first alone. Unacceptable. I have no words or understanding to where their motivation could possibly be.
  • Zetterberg and Datsyuk played well. Datsyuk being the second best Wing after young James.
  • Despite tightening up on defense lately, the were slopping in their own end more times that Crosby's name was mentioned... that is until it came to the PK where they once again played fantastically....explain that one to me
  • Filppula schooled Gonchar, too bad the creepy guy in the office who spends half the day picking his zits had a greater chance of scoring...because Fil also missed a wide open net. Damn.
  • Kronwall may or may not be hurt. MOTHER FUCKER. Seriously, we just got him back. He had a big hit on the giant Canadian that is Staal, and he was limping. He went down hard. Sure he stayed on the bench but it didn't look good. I am afraid to read the news tomorrow. It will suck for the Wings if he reinjured his knee....but it will be awful for him personally with the Olympics coming up.

Whew. I know that was a short one, but I'm not fully over the loss or the Crosby dick blowing that took place today to write more. I'll just end it with this, Jimmy Howard faced another 40 plus shots, and kept the Wings in the game.


  1. Hands down, my favorite recap of the season. The anti-Wings bias is nothing new, BUT this is the first time I can recall seeing it broken down into minutes and seconds, like some of the media immersion projects I had to do in film school.

    Twenty three motherfucking seconds? I didn't time it, so I'll take your word for it there. Was it just me or did Uncle Mike spend 22 of those seconds putting effort into NOT breaking Douche Canoe's jaw?

    I'm so sick of that goddamn dryer. You can't imagine all the shit I've broken around my various homes while growing up with a hockey stick in my hands. And something I can tell you without going off the deep end: my parents never kept any of the shit REALLY hoping I made it big. They yelled at me until I pissed my pants and forced me to AIM BETTER.

  2. The Sunday game next week is the Penguins versus the Capitals. Those NBC people are gonna be getting off so hard on that. Considering they spent more time talking about Ovechkin than the Wings. Oh that's right, the Wings didn't play that game (apparently).

    Another thing I noticed about Douche Canoe between the benches was that there was plexiglass separating him from the Wings bench but there was nothing separating him from the Penguins bench. Hmm.